tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post3219766447610283175..comments2023-12-09T10:51:01.395-08:00Comments on Shelby Cross, Writer: How An Appointment Reminder Card is A Lot Like BDSM NegotiationsUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-54556186673693964632013-02-03T22:01:14.809-08:002013-02-03T22:01:14.809-08:00I wanted to let you know that I nominated you for ...I wanted to let you know that I nominated you for a Very Inspiring Blogger Award on my blog! Go there to find the rules for it! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14217320603111824362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-71620802308860876512013-02-03T10:04:02.911-08:002013-02-03T10:04:02.911-08:00XXX vids porn foryoupornx movie. Free porn movie ...XXX vids porn <a href="http://www.foryoupornx.com" title="foryoupornx" rel="nofollow">foryoupornx</a> movie. Free porn movie <a href="http://www.freepornwatchhd.net" title="freepornwatchhd" rel="nofollow">freepornwatchhd</a> videos. High porn videos <a href="http://www.loypornvid.com" title="loypornvid" rel="nofollow">loypornvid</a> porn.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18252007129827580509noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-72655920319599623522013-01-29T22:55:18.482-08:002013-01-29T22:55:18.482-08:00This was a really great PSA. :)This was a really great PSA. :)Kitty the Submissive Wifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00185859722963938064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-24350629336415562742013-01-29T10:31:53.118-08:002013-01-29T10:31:53.118-08:00I am interested! It looks like fun! I just have to...I am interested! It looks like fun! I just have to find the time to get to it...<br />Thank you v v much for the nomination. I am honored.Shelby Crosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00919780083926717484noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-28249518106493820562013-01-29T10:24:00.536-08:002013-01-29T10:24:00.536-08:00Love the analogy even if it's not PC. Since yo...Love the analogy even if it's not PC. Since your blog was the first I discovered I have nominated you for a very inspiring blogger award. If you're interested in participating the details are on my last post. Mrs. Dhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06030777115633435739noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-21886817323766392462013-01-28T22:53:00.184-08:002013-01-28T22:53:00.184-08:00@mademoiselle O,
"Or do we always now have t...@mademoiselle O,<br /><br />"Or do we always now have to use the jarring he/she? Or worse, objectify into 'it'?"<br /><br />Singular "they" is fine. The usage is a bit different in US and British English. Users of British English use singular "they" all the time, and don't find it jarring. Users of US English do sometimes find it jarring, but that's because of relative unfamiliarity — plus some antiquated style guides that are treated with undue reverence. But grammatically, there's no problem, and it's perfect for the sort of gender-neutral references we're talking about here.<br /><br />But whatever you use, it's not hard to find language that conveys what you're trying to say. It's not "PC" to see that tops and bottoms can be of any gender.<br /><br />"As for who initiates the play... the bottoms often take on the passive role in the power dynamic because that's the role that we want when we submit."<br /><br />Sure, there are all sorts of reasons why *both* tops and bottoms can be *both* active and passive in negotiation. My gripe was with language which implied that tops are the only initiators of negotiation. That's simply not the case.PaulAtNorthGarehttp://northgare.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-80220955269859630942013-01-28T17:46:45.017-08:002013-01-28T17:46:45.017-08:00Only in a world where real gender stereotyping exi...Only in a world where real gender stereotyping exists can trifles like which pronoun to use be an issue. If the top would always be addressed as "she" and the bottom as "he" that wouldn't be gender stereotyping? Or do we always now have to use the jarring he/she? Or worse, objectify into "it"? As for who initiates the play... the bottoms often take on the passive role in the power dynamic because that's the role that we want when we submit. Nitpicking like this blinds us to the real issues out there -- and bends the PC rod way over, and before you know it, any woman who desires to submit finds her desires unacceptable BECAUSE she's somehow reinforcing the patriarchal gender stereotypes... Oh, wait, that's happening already!<br /><br />As for the original post -- well put, Shelbie! Once I started thinking about it, it turned out that every power dynamic we engage in in the "vanilla" world has its counterpart in BDSM play, and vice versa, and noticing that parallel allows us to see more clearly the power dynamic, situate ourselves in it, and deal with it better. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05157516055886999884noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-78090067795909161102013-01-28T16:28:54.758-08:002013-01-28T16:28:54.758-08:00I don't have anything meaningful to say about ...I don't have anything meaningful to say about the negotiation stuff. What you write makes plenty of sense — and I think the reminder card analogy is a neat one.<br /><br />I did find the use of very gendered roles here a bit jarring. I realise that some of what you're writing here is about your own perspective, but a lot of it isn't. Even when you're talking in the abstract about tops and bottoms, you still use "he" for a top, and "she" for a bottom. There's nothing here that's specific to those genders, so it does feel a bit odd. Why not make the orientations gender-neutral?<br /><br />Also, this bit:<br /><br />"Preliminary negotiations between a Top and bottom work much the same way as an appointment reminder postcard. A Top sends out the message he wants to play with a bottom; the bottom indicates she's interested. Now the negotiations start."<br /><br />Yes, I know you're both simplifying here, and also speaking to some extent from your own experience, but you're basically describing a world in which tops do all the initiation. That's not really an accurate picture of the kink world generally, and it doesn't feel useful as a way of seeing things. Shouldn't we be working against those misleading stereotypes in how we write?<br /><br />Sorry to seem picky. It's a nice piece, but there's some real gender and orientation essentialism going on here.PaulAtNorthGarehttp://northgare.netnoreply@blogger.com