tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31877366884154115942024-03-12T18:18:15.443-07:00Shelby Cross, WriterUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger377125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-71138792386519652412015-12-09T11:10:00.000-08:002015-12-09T11:10:26.835-08:00Photo Consent <div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">I wrote this post a while ago, but I kept it stored away in my draft folder, for the simple reason that I kept worrying someone in my local community would think I'm talking about <em style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">them.</em> Because this issue comes up often enough<br />(this tenet of privacy is broken often enough)<br />that I didn't want anyone to think I had them specifically in mind when I wrote it.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">But given the posts that've been coming out the past couple days, I thought I'd share my personal opinion on this topic.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Often at kinky events, organizers will ask a photographer to offer his or her services to their guests. The photographer will take photos—with the consent of the individuals in the photo, of course—and in return, they ask for a small gratuity for their services.<br />The rights to the photos always go back to the people in the picture, because the photographer knows the importance of confidentiality, especially in our community. They bank their reputations on their skills of discretion.<br />(At least, if they're smart.)</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">But you'll also often have people—not professional photographers, just common laypeople with cameras on their phones—take photos of their friends and scenes. And the question becomes, who owns the rights to the pictures?</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">My answer is actually very short, because it's very simple: everyone in the photograph. Everyone in that picture has equal rights to the picture itself.</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Which means, if you are the photo "holder," and you want to show that photo to anyone else? <strong>Everyone in the picture must consent.</strong></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">I realize this gets frustrating for some. They take (or have someone else take) awesome photos of themselves Topping or bottoming, looking ravishing, feeling gorgeous. The scene is very hot—like, boner-inducing hot—and they just want to show it off to the whole damn world.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Can't do it. Not unless everyone in the photo consents.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">It doesn't matter to me either how many identifiable parts are displayed in that photo. As long as <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">any</em> part of a person can be determined to be them personally—them, and nobody else—then they get a say in what happens to that photo.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">This is often not an issue for couples in a D/s dynamic. They decide far in advance if they want their photos blasted out to the world—or not. If one of them does but one of them doesn't, it's usually pretty clear which one of them is going to get their wishes granted. Consensual non-consent, it works for photos, too.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">But when a couple breaks up?<br />Now <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">they both have equal rights to the photos.</em> It doesn't matter to me if the couple was together for ten years, and every single kinky photo they own is of both of them together. If one of them does not want the other passing around those pictures, <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">the photos should not be passed around.</em> Period. End of story.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">"But they gave me consent while we were together," someone will say.<br />Too bad. Consent has been revoked. <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">You do not have the right to show off those pictures.</em></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">"But this picture does not show their face," someone will say.<br />Does it show their hair? Their tattoo? That cute little necklace they had made especially for them at that boutique shop that closed down two years ago?<br />If they can be identified in that photo in any way, then they have the rights to that photo just as much as you do, and once again: You do not get to show it off to whomever you please.</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">"I'm only showing it our mutual friends, not blasting it all over Fetlife," someone will say.<br />So what? What makes you think you get to decide who sees that photo and who doesn't?</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">The bottom line is, photos have a nasty way of becoming a weapon in the wrong person's hands.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">They are a way to out someone as kinky; that much is obvious.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">They also become a way to prove someone was at a particular kink event. Well, guess what—not everyone wants everyone else to know where they've been and what they've been up to.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">The worst I've seen is when vindictive exes use old photos to try to maintain a measure of control over their previous lover. Even after they've been asked to take photos down from their profiles and websites, they still keep them up…specifically because they know their exes hate it.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">This, in my opinion, is a clear consent violation.</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Look, if you did a scene with your partner that was so hot and sexy you just <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">have</em>to show it off to the whole world, just make sure you have their consent to show it off first. Maintain a good relationship with them—even after you break up—so you can continue to have their consent to show off those pictures.<br />If they revoke consent, it's not the end of the world.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">If the photos highlighted your skill with a certain tool—whips or rope or whatnot—take new pictures, but with a different partner. Recreate the scene, or create a brand new one. You don't have to see the need to hide the old photos as a loss; you can see it as a way to improve on your photo-taking skills.</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">But don't continue to show those old pictures when you know you don't have consent. The pictures may be beautiful, but guess what: YOU end up looking like a douchebag.</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-59352725479474043572015-12-03T12:32:00.000-08:002015-12-03T13:38:23.200-08:00If You're Going to Pull Rank, You Better Pick Your BattlesLet me give you the TL;DR version of this post:<br />
If you think being the Dom or Master in a relationship means getting to do whatever the fuck you want, you're wrong.<br />
The end.<br />
<br />
Too often now I'm encountering men who label themselves Doms or Masters looking for a sub or slave to start a D/s dynamic with, walking around thinking being the person on the "left side of the slash" means they are The King, they give the orders, and whoever is on the "right side of the slash" has to shut up and obey, because that's what D/s is all about.<br />
Shut up and obey—or leave. Them's the breaks, toots.<br />
<br />
You know what I tend to call these Domly types? Single.<br />
<br />
I understand the desire to <i>want</i> that kind of relationship. I mean, this sounds awesome for the Doms, doesn't it? They get to do whatever they want—order around that sub of theirs however they want—and they don't have to worry a damn bit about <i>her</i> feelings or opinions.<br />
She's a <i>sub,</i> man. She <i>takes</i> orders, she doesn't give 'em. No topping from the bottom around here; nope.<br />
<br />
The truth is, being a Dom is hard fucking work.<br />
(I'm not talking here about the Bedroom Dom. I'm talking about the 24/7 "let me into your heart so I can clean shit up in there" Dom. The Dom who makes plans called Sticking Around and Making Changes.)<br />
It takes stamina. It takes tenacity. It takes self-control.<br />
And it takes a lot of self-sacrifice.<br />
<br />
Being a Dom means taking time to see to the needs of your sub when you'd rather be off doing other things. She may not know exactly what you meant when you gave her those orders; you'll need to show her. She may not understand what you're trying to say the first time you say it; you'll need to tell her again, and <i>again,</i> until she gets it. She may not always be able to handle things on her own; you'll need to <i>be </i>there for her.<br />
And she will definitely not always do what's right. You'll need to correct her.<br />
<br />
Correcting her is not going to be easy, and it sure as hell isn't going to be fun for you. (Let me be clear here: I'm not talking about "funishment." Funishment is fun. Punishment is not. Punishment is reserved for when you're disappointed in her behavior and want it to stop.)<br />
A punishment you make her suffer through will mean suffering for you, too—or it should. It will not be as bad as what she's going through, but it will not fill you with pride or joy.<br />
<br />
If you've spent time around kids, you'll know what I'm talking about here. Take a privilege away, like the T.V. or a trip to their favorite ice cream shop...and you're stuck listening to them whine and complain about it for hours on end (plus maybe you wanted to get some of that ice cream, too). Put them in time out? You have to sit there and make sure <i>they fucking stay in time out.</i><br />
They're crying. They feel awful. You feel awful, too.<br />
Plus you have to deal with the guilt and the frustration and the underlying thoughts of <i>Why do they have to keep doing this? Why can't they just GET it; why can't they just do what I say? What the hell am I doing wrong?</i><br />
<br />
As a Dom, you have to take steps to provide for your sub's needs, and protect her against the things she can't handle—even when that might mean protecting her from herself.<br />
You have to be in charge of the relationship. You have to set goals, and do your best to stick to them—even when things get rough. Even when you don't think she's giving 100% of herself.<br />
You have to live by example, and stand by your word—even if the trust has already started to fade.<br />
<br />
There have been times my husband has pulled rank on me, and "played the Dom card." Not often, but during some of the most stressful and life-changing times in our relationship.<br />
Never once did I think he pulled rank for the benefit of his own needs. <i>Every single time</i> he pulled rank and laid down the law, it was because he thought it was for the good of the family, our relationship, or my wellbeing.<br />
It was NEVER done for the benefit of his own selfish desires.<br />
<br />
He has asked me to do some pretty major things—make some big fucking sacrifices. They were hard. They were painful; mentally, and sometimes physically.<br />
He didn't feel good about asking me to make these sacrifices. It didn't make him happy. In fact, he felt pretty awful about it.<br />
But he asked me, clarified things to me, and then finally commanded me to do these things because he had decided that's what would be best for us. Not <i>him.</i> Us. Our little nuclear group we call a family.<br />
<br />
When he asked me to do these things, could I have said no? Sure. I'm an autonomous person; I always have the choice to say no, to say 'my line is drawn <i>here.' </i>But I knew the consequences of doing that, and the consequences were never worth it.<br />
Saying no was not the right thing to do when, in the back of my mind, I always knew what Husband was trying to make me do was really for the best.<br />
<br />
THAT is the hardest part of being a Dom, I think. To make your sub truly believe that what you want from her is actually the best course of action for you all.<br />
<br />
I know some Doms and Masters out there make it look easy—and their subs make it look effortless, too. I've seen plenty of slaves gush on and on, in online groups and in person, about how obedient they are, how *slavey* they are, how they would *never* go against their Doms' wishes.<br />
<br />
First of all, if it's true, great. But I have a hard time believing they never question or argue with their Doms.<br />
And second of all, of all these slaves who blindly follow their Masters? I have a feeling it took a lot of time and hard work to get there.<br />
<br />
It's kind of like looking at a sexy rope bondage photo. Those things are so fucking hot—I mean, I don't enjoy rope, I'm fucking terrified of it in fact, but those photos, man, they are <i>hot</i>—and it looks so easy, doesn't it? Just get a bendy woman, contort her into some weird shape, tie up some rope around her, and voila, you've got yourself a good photo subject. Any old camera will do, right? Who needs to worry about good lighting.<br />
You don't see how many hours upon hours of hard work went into that photo. You don't see the time spent exercising to get that bendy body; the blood and blisters spilled learning the rope skills; the patience and perseverance it took to make the rope itself. You don't know what it took for the people to recover from that photo, either; the aftercare involved.<br />
<br />
24/7 D/s relationships, the ones that endure, work the same way. You might see a couple for a few hours at a munch or party: happy, intimate, sharing private energy that's pure, beautiful, and powerful.<br />
You want some of that. You want to share that kind of energy with someone, too.<br />
<br />
What you don't see is all the work that went into making that energy, the time it took to create that dynamic. You don't see the sacrifices they <i>both</i> had to make to make that relationship work.<br />
<br />
I've said it before and I'll say it again: being a Dom or a Master isn't easy. It's more of a calling, I think. It's a choice for some, but a choice not so easily turned away from. Are there benefits? Sure. Is it often fun, and sexy, and hot as hell? Absolutely.<br />
<br />
But if you think being a Dom or a Master in a relationship means getting to do whatever the fuck you want, you're wrong.<br />
The end.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-28976228547943172852015-11-30T16:40:00.000-08:002015-11-30T16:40:03.211-08:00It's My Responsibility to Accept My Sluthood. Got It; Check <iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.dailymotion.com/embed/video/x2iyd0i" width="480"></iframe><br />
<a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2iyd0i_happy-days-all-the-way-rare-pilot-version_fun" target="_blank">Happy Days - "All the Way" (Rare Pilot Version)</a> <i>by <a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/thelostreasures" target="_blank">thelostreasures</a></i><br />
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Skip to 24:25</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">"Hey Fonzie, can I talk to
you for a minute? Remember the other day I was talking to you about me and Mary
Lou Milligan? Well, the fact is...we didn't do anything. I lied."</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><em><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0in;">"You know, that makes me mad...seeing how
you said you did, I figured you did, and she did, so I got a date with her
myself this afternoon. I gotta waste a whole day...and gas..."</span></em><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">"She kisses real good."</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0in;">"I polished my bike for
a kiss?"</span></em><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">"I'm really sorry."</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">*****</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0in;"><br /></span></em></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0in;">"Can I ask you a
question?"</span></em><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">"Go ahead. I know
everything."</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0in;">"Okay, if you know so
much, tell me: can you fall in love with a girl who has a reputation?"</span></em><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">"Write this down, Rich:
there's two kinds of girls. Those you marry, and those that got a reputation."</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0in;">"What about the ones who
give hickies?"</span></em><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">"Oh well they're okay if, uh,
if you marry them before they get reputations."</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">*****</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Classic American culture used to
teach our kids a very simple lesson. There were two types of girls: those who
kept their legs shut, and those who didn't. The girls who 'put out' were fun,
and inevitably popular with the boys, but they weren't the girls the boys
looked at when it was time to start a <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0in;">serious</span></em> relationship.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">To put it simply, girls who put
out were sluts, and sluts didn't deserve respect. They were cheap goods used
for sex.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">It wasn't that long ago we, as a
society, were teaching this to kids...and by not long ago, I mean in many
places, <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0in;">we never stopped.</span></em> Sure,
we try to empower women with their own sexuality, and try to make them
understand they have choices, same as men. Certainly in the kink community,
we're doing our best to 'take back the word' SLUT, and give women a place to
feel comfortable in their own desires. We want women to be stripped of their
inhibitions, free of guilt...but free of guilt does not mean free of
consequences.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">There are still plenty of men out
there who think a woman who 'puts out' is<em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0in;">asking for whatever she gets.</span></em> That
by consenting to one thing, she's consenting to everything the guy wants from
her.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Things went further than she
wanted? She was asking for it.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Boundaries were crossed? She was
asking for it.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Guy didn't stop when he was asked
to? What can she expect, that he can just turn off like a switch? She was
asking for trouble by leading him on.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">She was asking for all of it by
agreeing to start anything at all.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">So when I see posts talking about
"personal responsibility" and how these Boo-Hoo Victims are nothing
but a bunch of whining crybaby females who got themselves into their own
messes, what I end up reading between the lines is the old favorite standby of
men everywhere:</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0in;">She was asking for it.</span></em><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Look, I know what some of these
posts are trying to say. They're trying to say <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0in;">Ladies, the world is far from a
perfect place—learn the dangers, so you can better assess your risks.</span></em> And
that is a great lesson to learn.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">But when I see posts that do
nothing but rant about how women everywhere are crying VICTIMHOOD as a way to
deflect Regret Sex, I know what some of these authors are harboring in their heads. <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0in;">Those sluts knew what they were
doing. They had the</span></em> REP-U-TAYSHUNS. <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0in;">It's the poor guys are the real
victims here, cause all they did was take what those sluts were offering.</span></em></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">And I know this is not true in all
cases. I know some men like to come out of the woodwork with the hashtag cries
of #NotALLMen and #MenAreVictimsToo. And<em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0in;">this is all true.</span></em></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">But take a look around.
Look how often women get the unsolicited demands for sex—not the requests, not
the <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0in;">would you like to fuck me?</span></em>messages,
but the <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0in;">I am your master now, and you
will do everything I say, bitch </span></em>demands. Look how often these women
are slandered when they refuse those demands.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Look how often posts come out from
fed-up women trying to just remind everyone that being a sub-type <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0in;">does not make them public
property.</span></em> Look how often those posts make Fetlife's K&P. They make
K&P because they resonate with so many.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Look how many women are talking
about rape. Sexual assault. Physical assault. Physical abuse.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Look how many are <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0in;">afraid</span></em> to talk
about these things. Ask yourself why.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">(Slut. Maybe try being the other
type of woman. We all know you really wanted it.)</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Too many still think
"personal responsibility" refers only to women—and those pesky,
complaining, passive-aggressive women need to own the fact that if they're into
kink, they should expect to be treated a certain way. If that <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0in;">certain way</span></em> will
sometimes mean getting their boundaries crossed? Too bad. Life is full of hard
lessons.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">But "Personal
responsibility" is not supposed to be about deflecting blame onto others,
or looking for excuses. It's supposed to be about taking ownership of one's <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0in;">own</span></em> actions.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">So stop treating the issue of
women's consent as some kind of joke. Stop alluding to it with a wink and a
snigger. Stop pretending like there are two types of women—those who take
personal responsibility for all the assholes of the world, and those who don't.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: black; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: black; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;">"Personal
Responsibility" doesn't mean <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0in;">she</span></em> needs to take responsibility for <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0in;">you</span></em>being a dick. So stop being one.</span></span><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-themecolor: background1;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-44714522346119998732015-11-24T10:32:00.000-08:002015-11-24T10:38:04.857-08:00My Submission IS a Gift! On Condition <div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">I'm going to start by saying right off the bat that you can call your submission—or by extension, your submissive's submission—anything you damn well want. You want to call it a gift, fine. You want to call it a loan, also fine. You want to call it the cherry on top of your vanilla ice cream cock, have it at; it really makes no difference in my life.</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Ok? Good.</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">It seems to me lately there is a strong and vocal group on Fetlife who believe that submission is "not a gift." These anti-gifters get very intent on informing people of that so-called fact; especially people—<em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">especially</em> subs—who state the opposing view.</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">The thing is, most of the time they're not arguing philosophy, or sharing ideas. They're mocking and deriding anyone who calls their submission a gift. They hurl insults at these people like they're uneducated rookies—</span></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Let's not even</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">talk</em><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">about how we treat rookies. Or, let's, but in another post—</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">and end up in this little circle-jerk of snide contempt. They claim submission is not a gift because gifts are supposed to be given</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">freely,</em><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">with no expectation of exchange or return...didn't we all know that? If a sub is handing out their submission like candy to a baby, they're doing it</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">wrong.</em><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">They need to get a clue; go back to the basics.</span></div>
</span><br />
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Well, hate to break it to you guys, but not all gifts come duty-free. There is indeed such a thing as a "gift with strings attached." There is actually a legal term for this: it's called the Conditional Gift.</span></div>
<h3 style="border: 0px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">
<em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Conditional Gift: a gift of property which is revocable if the recipient does not fulfill conditions attached to the gift.</span></em></h3>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">The most common example of a Conditional Gift is an engagement ring. In all but a few states, if a man gives his partner an engagement ring but the wedding doesn't happen, his partner is legally obligated to return the ring. It was not given unconditionally, "no strings attached"; it was given on the condition that a marriage takes place.</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Another type of Conditional Gift is what often happens in people's wills. They bequeath money to friends or family, but with conditions how the money must be used. It may have to go toward a child attending college, for example, or the purchase of a house. If the money isn't used the way the giver intended, the funds must be returned.</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">This, my friends, is often what submission is in a D/s dynamic: a Conditional Gift. It is given with the assumption that it will never be returned...so long as the submission is treated the way the submissive needs and desires. In most cases I know of, the submissive wants to be made to feel like their submission is appreciated, respected, and cherished. As long as that happens, it need never end.</span></div>
<h3 style="border: 0px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">The submission need never be "returned" to the submissive.</span></h3>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">(And yes, before any of you jump on me, Domination works the same way. No Dom I know is willing to dominate a sub who does not appreciate—or get turned on by—their style of dominance. It's just not fun that way.)</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Submission is not a loan, because the truth is, it can never</span><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"> </span><em style="border: 0px; color: white; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">be</em><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">returned—once given, the time and service spent in submission cannot be taken back. And really, who would want it to work that way? When care and thought is put into submission, it is</span><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"> </span><em style="border: 0px; color: white; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">personalized</em><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">to the receiver. It cannot be simply handed over to someone else, traded in like a used car.</span></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I have more than one person I submit to in my life—and I do mean in a kinky, D/s way—and they all get different styles, different displays, of my submission. The way I submit to one is not the same way I submit to another; they would not</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">want </em><span style="font-family: inherit;">me to submit to each one of them the exact same way.</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And frankly, I wouldn't be able to, even if I tried. My submission is not generic. It changes, depending upon the person.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It is my gift given...conditionally.</span></div>
</span><br />
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">I think it's funny how so many people here will jump on dictionary definitions to stand higher atop their soapboxes and claim submission is not a gift. These are often the same people who are sticklers for rules, protocols, and contracts in the D/s dynamic.</span></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Yet if one wants to get all formal and legal, there is a term for what we do, what we submissives give...and the word "loan" isn't in it.</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Or it doesn't have to be. If you want to call it a loan, fine. Like I said in the beginning, whatever makes you happy. Just don't try to serve me up a helping of sneers and jeers next time I call my submission a gift. I think this time contract law is on my side.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Here is a gratuitous Big Bang Theory clip, simply because it's so timely and funny:</span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-53800723971158024382015-11-19T09:13:00.000-08:002015-11-19T09:13:39.321-08:00I Was A Rape Victim, and I Didn't Know It. This Is My Story.<div class="l" style="border: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">I've been debating writing this post for a while. I think the why of it will become clear as you read on. But a couple of posts that have recently made K&P made me think that maybe my experience could help someone else.</span></div>
<div style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">So.<br />I was raped in college.</span></div>
<div style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">This is what happened:<br />I had a boyfriend whom I will now refer to as Slink. Slink was a rather shady character: charming, beguiling, but deep-down dangerous. He would manipulate me, control me in ways that rang my WARNING bells from the beginning…but that was part of the excitement. He liked to control me, but I needed the control.<br />I had not yet learned how to differentiate between "good" control and "bad" control.<br />He was a Bad Boy, and I was the girl who liked the danger. As many young women do, I romanticized it. (I stopped doing that shit a long time ago…but I understand why so many women do that. The danger is what's so fucking enticing and addictive.)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Slink and I were already having sex, but we had to be sneaky about it—quick fucks in dark corners and secret rendezvous, like a scandalous game of cloak-and-daggers. He was rough and forceful, always just on the cusp of turning violent. His aggression only added to my captivation. I was a little bit afraid of him, but I needed that fear, and he never went over the edge.<br />He never did, until he did.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">He brought up the subject of anal sex. I was too embarrassed to tell him I was already well familiar having fun with <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">that area</em> of my body, but I replied with an enthusiastic yes: I was willing to try it, absolutely.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">We met in his dorm room. I stayed after curfew started.<br />This becomes important later.<br />We got naked; did all the foreplay stuff. It was actually sweet for a while, because he didn't usually do all the lovey-dovey things I thought of as foreplay. He kissed me, caressed my body, and I felt good; I felt special that a Bad Boy like him would show me this side of him.<br />Then he flipped me over on my hands and knees and started pushing himself into my ass.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">There was no pre-stretching, no lube, no preparation of any kind. It hurt like hell. I wanted him to stop, and I told him so.<br />He didn't stop.<br />I tried to maneuver myself over so I could look him in the face as I told him to stop; then he would <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">have</em> to stop. He grabbed onto me, onto my hips.<br />I started to struggle and yell. He didn't stop.<br />I started to scream and cry; scream because I couldn't believe this was happening, and cry because it hurt so fucking much. <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">He still didn't stop.</em><br />Finally I was screaming so loudly, I got the attention of some guys outside in the hall. They started knocking on the door, asking why they could hear female-sounding screaming within—curfew was over, didn't he know?<br />The knocking distracted Slink just enough that he loosened his grip on my body, and I quickly wrangled myself away. In the time it took Slink to offer some kind of response to the guys outside, I put on my shirt and skirt—my bra was left behind, I never saw it again—grabbed my shoes, and swung open the door.<br />There was a small group standing there. They paused, and stared down at me in surprise. I bowed my head low, and kept it there as best I could so they wouldn't see my face.<br />I ran out of the building barefoot. I put my shoes on only when I was halfway to my own dorm building, and I could feel the gravel cutting into my feet.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">I was afraid to tell anyone what had happened, because I didn't want to get into trouble: I was not supposed to have been in Slink's room after curfew. I was afraid if I told anyone at the school what had happened—what he had done to me—they might punish Slink, but they would punish me, too.<br />My fear was not unwarranted.<br />The next day, I did tell a counselor. In a very kind and motherly way, she told me that I didn't have to worry, that she would take care of things from there on out. She told me she would make sure I would not be punished for being in Slink's room after curfew—a favor she was doing me, she called this—even though that had been very wrong of me.<br />She made sure to remind me that this was why they had rules like curfew...that if I had just followed the rules, I could have prevented all this from happening. Prevented myself from getting hurt.<br />I could not argue with her.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Now, here's where we get back to the subject of this post. For many years, I never thought of myself as a "rape victim." I knew something bad had happened to me, yes; something terrible and wrong. But I never, not once, thought of it as <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">rape.</em><br />I didn't think of it as rape because—and please, don't roll your eyes at me, okay?—since Slink never actually <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">finished</em> doing the deed, since he didn't get to come <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">inside me,</em> then it wasn't actually a case of rape. It was...something else. Something horrible, yes, but not rape.<br />The word "rape" never entered my mind.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">It wasn't until a whole lot of years later, reading some article in a news magazine about another rape case, that I realized what Slink had done to me was rape, that he didn't have to finish inside me for it to still <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">be</em> rape—the fact that he entered my body under those conditions, knowing full well he did not have my consent, made it rape.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Suddenly realizing it was rape did not change anything. Or maybe it did, a little; putting memories in different contexts always changes them to some extent. But it didn't change the effect of what that night had on me.<br />That was done.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">You might think I was stupid for thinking if a guy doesn't actually finish, orgasm, inside a woman's body, that it's not really rape.<br />I probably was. But there are a lot of reasons why women might not think what was done to them was rape:</span></div>
<ul style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px 1.5em 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Maybe the guy was really a nice person who would <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">never do that,</em> so it's not really rape.</span></li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Maybe they had sex with the guy before, so clearly the guy had carte blanche right to have sex with them again, so it's not really rape.</span></li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Maybe they were giving mixed-signals, so it's not really rape.</span></li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Maybe the guy was their boyfriend, lover, or spouse, so it's not really rape.</span></li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Maybe there was something else they could've done, some way they could have made their objections clearer, so it's not really rape.</span></li>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">•Maybe the rape was partly their fault, so it was not really rape.</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">So. Hi. I'm Shelby, and I was, once upon a time, a rape victim who didn't know she was raped.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">One of the big reasons why I was loathe to post about this is because I don't want this to change the way people think of me. I don't want pity, and I certainly don't want <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">this</em> to be the thing that somehow humanizes me in anyone's eyes. I was not the proverbial <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Rape Victim</em>; I wasn't then, and I'm not going to become one now. I went through a lot worse than what that rape did to me, believe me; both before that night, and after. Take that as you will.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">But I will say this: I did not deserve to be raped.<br />I liked going out with the Bad Boys. That does not mean I deserved to be raped.<br />I was in his room after curfew. That does not mean I deserved to be raped.<br />I made stupid decisions. That does not mean I deserved to be raped.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">I learned from my bad decisions. I learned the hard way.<br />Maybe some people out there who read this post will learn from my mistakes, and save themselves from making a few of their own. "A smart person learns from their mistakes; a <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">wise</em> person learns from <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">other</em> people's mistakes."<br />I can hope so.</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-29561145169096900782015-11-16T09:02:00.000-08:002015-11-16T09:02:50.920-08:00Tools Are Good. Temperament Is Better. I'll tell you Cats and Roosters a little secret:<br />
As far as "Domly tools" skills go?<br />
Husband has practically none.<br />
<br />
He does not know how to throw a whip fluidly. He does not know how to throw a flogger with mastery. He does not know how to handle rope with the dexterity of an artist.<br />
He knows how to handle a hairbrush, but that's about it.<br />
<br />
He uses floggers to make me hurt. He uses rope to tie me down. He doesn't bother with whips at all—why spend the money on a whip, when there's a power cord <i>right fucking there? </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
He has a collection of canes, rulers, and sticks he loves to use on me. They are rather simple tools in that they are easy to use, and have a really good Effort:Reaction ratio.<br />
You aim, lift, swing, drop...and the body beneath you is suddenly wailing in agony. Not bad, when you consider all the trouble you can get into with a whip; I don't know a single whip enthusiast alive who's never hit themselves with a whip. Whips are wily toys, and like snakes, they can sometimes bite their charmers.<br />
<br />
Husband feels no great urge to learn how to use those toys, because the passion for him is not in the skill. It is in the results.<br />
Is the wife contained? Is she subdued? Is she terrorized? Yes to all three? Then mission accomplished.<br />
<br />
He will sometimes cuff me down to the bedpost when he knows he's embarking on a particularly difficult scene with me. I do my best to follow orders, but I'm still human, and when I'm reduced to the mindset of PREY, my instincts usually take over; and those instincts boil down to FIGHT and RUN.<br />
Make no mistake, though, when he cuffs me down, he is doing me a <i>favor.</i> He is being <i>nice,</i> allowing me the freedom within those restraints, because it is ten times harder to control the PREY urges when I'm acting on his voice, and his orders alone.<br />
It is hard. On the other hand, I am well trained.<br />
<br />
But GOD there are times when I just want to beg him to put the cuffs on me.<br />
<br />
You don't have to be proficient at this-or-that tool in order to be a Dom.<br />
You just have to know how to dominate.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-69200784676452105202015-11-13T07:37:00.000-08:002015-11-13T07:37:40.072-08:00Failure to Protect<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">When I was in college living abroad, I took some self-defense classes by a short little harmless-looking man I'll call The New Yorker. He had grown up in America, but had spent many years in the IDF, training soldiers in one-on-one combat. I don't know exactly how many years, or precisely what his job title was; he was the kind of man who kept many secrets...the kind of secrets I was safer off not knowing.<br />It was an honor to be trained at all by him. Those few lessons he gave me were a precious gift.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">I don't remember anymore most of the maneuvers he taught me. But I do remember one moment quite well:<br />He asked me to punch him. I could not. He asked again; I hit, feebly.<br />"Don't hit me like I'm attacking <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">you,"</em> he said. "Hit me like I'm attacking your <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">kid."</em><br />The ploy worked. I hit much harder. Not hard enough to do him any damage whatsoever, of course...but he smiled at my efforts, which meant a lot.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Years later, back in the States, I was helping a friend shape up for a karate class. She tried to swipe a kick at the sandbag I was steadying for her, but I could tell she was holding back.<br />"Don't think of it like you're defending yourself," I said. "Think of it like you're defending your kid."<br />"But I don't have any kids," she said.<br />"Then your best friend," I said.<br />The ploy worked, and she kicked the bag much harder.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">We are often able to let go of things done to <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">us.</em> When someone says nasty shit to us or about us, we're able to put it into perspective, realize the jerk is just being, well, a jerk, and move on.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">It's harder to move on so quickly when the shit being stirred about surrounds a friend. Our urge is often to protect; we go all MamaBear on the asshole who dares to harm our loved one. We say things, and do things, we would <em style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">never</em> do to defend ourselves.</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">The problem is that by giving into this need to protect our friends—whom we often think of as family—we take away their ability to protect themselves. We scream on their behalf, and take away their voice. We choose who should know their story, and take away their choice. We guard them against further harm, and in so doing, trap them in place...making it impossible for them to move on.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">When a friend is hurt, the thing to do is to listen to what they need. Sometimes they don't need anything else but for someone to listen.</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">And sometimes, yes, they will ask you for your support as they speak out. Sometimes this support is not so easy to give; sometimes it may cost you dearly. It is a choice whether you can emotionally, and psychologically, afford it.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">I once failed to support a friend when she spoke out against her abuser. I regret that decision to this day; it still haunts me. I have long since forgiven any person who ever violated my consent in the kink community, but I cannot forgive this man who harmed <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">her.</em><br />She, meanwhile, has moved on completely from this man. He no longer has any sort of hold on her life.</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">This is the way of it sometimes. We can forgive those who try to harm us, but we cannot forgive those who harm the people we love.<br />The people we often need to forgive are not those who would do our friends and family harm. It is <em style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">ourselves</em> we need to forgive, for failing to protect them.</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-54038990628353664062015-11-12T08:53:00.001-08:002015-11-12T08:53:53.292-08:00Bratty Shoelaces <div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">If you tell a Brat to tie your shoes, and she's not feeling particularly bratty, she will kneel down and tie your shoes.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">If you tell a Brat to tie your shoes, and she's feeling a little bit bratty, she'll say, 'No.'</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">If you tell a Brat to tie your shoes, and she's feeling a little more bratty, she'll say 'No,' cross her arms, stick her tongue out, and wait.</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">If you tell a Brat to tie your shoes, and she's feeling quite bratty, she'll come over, kneel down, and tie your shoelaces together.</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">If you tell a Brat to tie your shoes, and she's feeling extra bratty, she'll come over, kneel down, and start giving you a blowjob while furtively unlacing your shoes altogether.</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">If you tell a Brat to tie your shoes and she has a death wish, she will come over, kneel down, and spit on your shoes.</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">If you tell a Brat to tie your shoes and she wants her death to be slow and painful, she will spit in your face.</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Now, if you are a smart Dom—and like having the Brat around to torture on a regular basis—you will not kill her. You will make her <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">think</em> she is going to die, but you will not kill her. You will, however, teach her a lesson she will never forget....</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Until the next time.</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-22896291369591581532015-11-11T08:34:00.002-08:002015-11-11T08:34:27.789-08:00Consensual Non-Consent: This Is Where The Tea Analogy Breaks Down<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><em style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Inspired by this video: </em></span></div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/oQbei5JGiT8/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/oQbei5JGiT8?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><i><br /></i><em style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Top and bottom negotiating CNC scene over PMs:</em></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">bottom: All this talk about tea has made me want a consensual non-consent tea scene. I want you to hold me down and pour tea down my throat. Don't be gentle about it either; I want to be fucking choking on that shit.<br />Top: That sounds hot. I've always wanted to do a tea-choking scene; sounds like waterboarding! Yeah!<br />bottom: Hey now, don't make it like <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">waterboarding.</em> I don't want any tea up my nose.<br />Top: Ah; okay. I'll have to hold you down vertically somehow, then. I'll use a dental gag—<br />bottom: No, dental gags are a big trigger. I gotta call RED on that.<br />Top: Uh, okay...no problem! I'll just, um...hold your jaws open. Fuck yeah, this'll be hot! Pour that scalding hot tea down your throat—<br />bottom: No fucking way! I don't want scalding hot tea down my throat, are you nuts? I'll <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">burn.</em> Make it <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">warm.</em><br />Top: Alright; no scalding hot tea. I'll blow on it first. But I'll make you finish that whole fucking cup...maybe even the whole <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">set</em> of cups—<br />bottom: You got a tea set?<br />Top: Of course; I am well prepared. Like I said, I've always wanted to do a tea-choking scene.<br />bottom: What color is the set?<br />Top:...Blue?<br />bottom: Ok; blue is okay. Pink would not have been okay. Pink squicks me out.<br />Top: Well, now that I think about it, the saucers might have pink flowers on them. But that's okay, I know someone else who has a plain blue tea set, I can borrow his—<br />bottom: HOLD ON THERE, BUCKO. We are not inviting someone else's tea set into our scene.<br />Top: I can blindfold you?<br />bottom: That might work. Maybe.<br />Top: Um...look, why don't we sit down somewhere and really go over this scene from beginning to end. You want to get together in person somewhere? Maybe have a cup of tea with me?<br />bottom: We're not done negotiating, and you already want to start a scene with me!<br />Top: No no, not a SCENE. Just two people sitting in a restaurant, having a cup of tea.<br />bottom: Oh. Okay then. Sounds good.</span></div>
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<em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Moral of the story: Consensual Non-Consent is not like asking someone if they'd like a fucking cup of tea.</span></em></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-66655672100338694552015-11-10T09:56:00.000-08:002015-11-10T09:56:11.943-08:00 The moment you start taking your relationship for granted is the moment your relationship is doomed<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Every new relationship starts off with hope and possibility. As you're just getting to know your partner, you're finding out their quirks, while they're trying to figure out yours, too; and while you're sure to step on a few land mines along the way, the hunt to find them is part of the adventure.<br />They don't call it "New Relationship Energy" for nothin'.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Eventually, if the relationship continues, it starts to sink into a sort of routine. You begin to make plans surrounding the other person's schedule—not just time-wise, but emotion-wise: you know if they greet you with a capturing smile, it's time to smile back; if they grin briefly then turn away, it's time to give them some personal space; if they give you an evil grin with a hint of mirth and a sparkle in their eyes...and you happen to be a sub-type...it's time to run.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">You begin to understand the other person—what makes them tick, what shapes them, how everything in their history has led them up to who they are today.<br />And slowly, as you sink comfortably into this new routine, a new sense of security sinks in.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Which is wonderful. It may not be as exciting or titillating as the New Relationship Energy was, but it's got its own magic and appeal. There's the knowledge that you've gotten to know each other well enough, and come to care for each other deep enough, to be <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">fairly</em> certain that the other person will be there for you through the thick. The more memories you make together, the more certain you're likely to be.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">This assurance feels great.<br />It can also be dangerous if you start taking your partner for granted.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">You start making assumptions about their needs, their wants, their desires...what is a necessity for them in the relationship, and what your partner can live without.<br />Things you used to do for them, you no longer do. Sweet words of love you used to tell them, you no longer bother to say. Or maybe worse, you start saying things to them you wouldn't dream of saying to a stranger on the street.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Why are you being so rude to a person you claim to care about?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Little favors you used to do for them to make their lives better, you don't bother offering anymore...because why should you? Your partner isn't doing you favors anymore. They're just...doing what they've always done, and will always do.<br />Except there <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">is</em> no always. Not in <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">any</em> relationship.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">I don't care what kind of relationship you have—D/s, M/s, O/p, or pure vanilla. Don't care, it's still true: <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">people need to feel appreciated.</em><br />The moment your partner starts feeling like they are not appreciated? THAT is the moment a crack forms in the foundation of your relationship. Doesn't matter how old the relationship is, or what you've been through together, either.<br />A person who feels taken for granted is a person who starts slipping away.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">I've seen marriages fall apart because of this; Master/slave dynamics crumble like wet sand, often leaving one partner staring at the receding back of the other, wondering what the hell just happened.<br /><em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I thought we were fine,</em> I sometimes hear. <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I thought we would last.</em><br />They stopped seeing their partner as a blessing, and started seeing them as something they would forever have—and deserve—no matter what.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">People who've been in long term relationships can tell you, things don't work that way.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Let me be clear, I'm not talking about 'the-chips-are-down-extenuating-circumstances' situations here. When one of you gets sick, or loses a job, or suffers a death in the family...hell yes, you should be able to rely on your partner to be there for you. (At least, as much as they can be.)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">But to take your partner's help for granted, and not consider once what their help is costing <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">them?</em> That rings out the cloister bell of doom right there.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Always remember, your partner's contributions to the relationship need to be acknowledged. <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">They need to know they hold value in your life.</em></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">(Unless they don't. In which case, your relationship is doomed anyway.)</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-82514477374877210262015-11-09T09:08:00.001-08:002015-11-09T09:08:47.242-08:00The Post That Caused So Much Controversy <div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">I wrote the following post on Fetlife this past weekend, and it's caused quite a bit of controversy—more than I thought rational, frankly. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">I realize it's hard to get consensus on what should be reasonable grounds to get someone banned from kinky events. Many times, situations come down to the 'he said, she said' problem, and when one of the people involved in the 'drama' happens to be a friend, it's easy to let personal feelings get in the way. No one wants to believe their friend is capable of abuse; no one wants to believe their friend is capable of making up abuse. Proof and verifiable fact is often hard to come by.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">But I would like to think we can ALL agree that these four types should not be allowed to kinky events. If we cannot agree on even THIS, we are, in my opinion, in trouble.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">1. Anyone who has been convicted of rape, sexual assault, or attempted murder.</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">I shouldn't even have to explain this one. Seriously people.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">(Except, apparently, I did and do have to explain this one, because people on Fetlife started asking me things like 'What if the attempted murder was in self-defense?' and 'What about actual murder, and not attempted murder?' So here's my answer: IF SOMEONE HAS BEEN CONVICTED OF MURDER, THEY SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED IN KINK EVENTS. Jesus, the fact that I even have to type this out....also, I am not interested in 'what if' situations. 'What if the person deserved to be murdered?' </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Really?....Really?)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">2. Anyone who engages in child pornography.</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">It all comes down to consent: children cannot consent. If you don't get why that is, you do not understand consent, and you're a danger to the rest of us.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">(This is where I had on Fetlife people telling me how this is too vague because different countries have different ages of consent, and in some countries it's eighteen while in others it's fourteen. To which all I can think to say is, IF YOU ARE HAVING SEX WITH A FOURTEEN YEAR OLD GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME.)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">3. Anyone who is on the National Sex Registry/a registered sex offender.</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Don't tell me how <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">easy</em> it is to wind up as a registered sex offender. I don't want to hear your one-sided version of how it wasn't your fault, how you were duped, how the judge was out to get you.<br />If we allow known sex offenders into our play spaces, we basically throw any semblance of caring about the safety of our community out the window.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">(This one caused a huge stir. Yes, I understand that people who are not a danger to society are ending up on the registry; yes, I think that's sad. But if we get so bogged down with every 'what if' situation, we keep no standards whatsover. To every rule there is an exception...and to every exception there is a rule.)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">4. Anyone who is a self-admitted rapist, abuser, stalker, sociopath, or psychopath—whether they have been convicted of any crimes or not.</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">I am not talking about those who made a mistake or two on their journey, owned up to their mistakes, learned from them, and moved on. If we banned every Top who ever acted "unDomly" (read: like an asshole), we'd end up with play spaces with no Tops; if we banned every bottom who ever acted like a childish brat, we'd end up with play spaces with no bottoms. I am talking about people who have admitted to violating consent, perhaps publicly justified it, perhaps even <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">bragged</em>about it, showed absolutely no remorse, and shamed their victims into silence in the process. I am talking about those who would probably face conviction of a crime if their victim(s) were willing to come forward.<br />I am talking about those who glorify their own abusive and criminal behavior.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">(For some reason commentators on Fetlife read the heading, but not the paragraph. I am not talking about safe sociopaths here. I realize there are plenty of people with different mental illnesses in our communities who are good, upstanding, model citizens; I am not talking about them. Like I said, I am talking about those people who do evil and feel no regret, remorse, or shame about it.)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: inherit; line-height: 21px;"><span style="color: red;">Thoughts?</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-79939665677474748482015-11-05T08:40:00.002-08:002015-11-05T08:40:18.361-08:00Living With an Anti-Social IMPOSSIBLE Dom <div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><em style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b>August</b></em><br />Him: Do you want to do anything special for your birthday?<br />Me: YES! That sounds great!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b>September</b></em><br /><em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Me: Notices the notifications for a party on Kink.com's Upper floor, RSVPs "YES."</em></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b>Early October</b></em><br />Him: You want to go to Vegas for your birthday?<br />Me: YES!<br /><em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Cancels RSVPs to Upper Floor party.</em></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b>Mid October</b></em><br />Him: We can't go to Vegas for your birthday. Make other plans.<br />Me: Maybe, um, a party?<br />Him: No.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b>Late October</b></em><br />Him: Make plans for your birthday!<br />Me: Like what?<br />Him: YOU decide.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b>Last week of October</b></em><br />Him: Did you make plans for your birthday?<br />Me: Yeah...we can go bowling or...something.<br />Him: You don't sound very excited.<br />Me: Will you at least take me to the munch? Please?<br />Him: Maybe. I'll think about it.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><em style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b>Two days before my birthday</b></em><br />Him: We're not going to do anything exciting for your birthday, are we?<br />Me: Can you PLEASE take me to the munch. ONCE A YEAR, that's all I ask.<br />Him: Fine, I'll come to the munch. But it's too bad I won't be able to give you your birthday spankings there.<br />Me: ...You want to give me birthday spankings?<br />Him: Yeah. Too bad we're not going to a party.<br />Me: OH GOD DAMN IT</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-71529014627096913722015-11-04T10:17:00.000-08:002015-11-04T10:17:59.781-08:00My Response to Master James' Post <div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">My response to <a href="http://shelbycrosswriter.blogspot.com/2015/11/your-consent-doesnt-mean-shit-to-me.html">Master James' post</a>, slightly edited from my Fetlife version:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">In his post, Master James tries to turn SSC into a triangle.... thing is, SSC is not a mathematical algorithm, and it's not a geometric equation. Words like "safe," "sane," and "consensual" are completely subjective. But MJ would like people to <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">think</em> SSC is straight and true, and he gives an example of his point: the guy who found someone to butcher and eat him.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">This is, obviously, an extreme example. There's a reason why MJ's example had to be so extreme: get any <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">less</em> extreme, and you'll have people arguing over what's safe, what's sane, and what's consensual. Which they did, in the comments section of his post.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Who gets to decide what's abuse, and what's not?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">According to Master James, <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">"abuse is not a question of whether or not you can scrape together some people who have been at the nasty end of your abuse to defend you. It's that your triangle is clearly missing a side to it. And it remains abuse no matter how well you sensationalise it. No matter how well you sexualise it. No matter how well you managed to target people who are so new they don't know enough about this stuff to know they don't have to blindly accept whatever you tell them. Or no matter how well you managed to target people who had become so accustomed to abuse in their past, that they were willing to accept your abuse as normal."</em><br />Which basically means that we, as a community, get to slap on the label of "abuse" on any behavior we <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">think</em> is abuse...whether the "victim" is calling it abuse or not.<br />This is where MJ and I disagree.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">It is a very dangerous, slippery slope, deciding that we, as a community, can judge what's safe, sane, and consensual in other people's relationships. It means we are taking away the ability of bottoms everywhere to decide for themselves whether what they experience is abuse, or not; whether what they're <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">asking</em> for is abuse, or not.<br />We end up infantilizing bottoms everywhere, as an entire group.<br />We <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">take away</em> their right to consent.</span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: black;">Bottoms have the right to call 'abuse' when that is their personal experience. I take that as an absolute statement—period, the end. If you don't agree with that—if you think bottoms should have to jump through hoops just to be able to share their truth...like, say</span><span style="background-color: black; font-family: inherit;">, </span></span><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">call the police before they dare complain, or take "personal accountability" for the part hey played in their own abuse, or make them apologize for taking so damn long to gather up the courage to say anything—then you and I are going to be on opposing sides to this argument, and there will be no compromise here.</span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: black;">(</span><em style="background-color: black; border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Do</em><span style="background-color: black;"> bottoms feel comfortable with sharing their stories of abuse? No. But they should.)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">The thing is...if we want bottoms to feel comfortable sharing their stories in cases of abuse, the corollary must also be true: bottoms should feel comfortable sharing their stories when they do NOT think it's abuse.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Personal story time: A while back, I had what many would call an 'extreme' scene with my Top. There was chain, a spreader bar, and whips involved. There was a lot of screaming and swearing going on. There was sobbing, too. There was choking on snot and tears. There was loudly wishing him a deadly case of hemorrhoids.<br />It took me a few days just to <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">start</em> processing that scene.<br />I was wary to talk about it. But people were asking me, so I felt obligated to say something.<br />"It was intense," I would answer them. "Very intense."<br />"I'm sorry it was bad for you," more than a few immediately jumped in. "That's hard."<br />"I didn't say bad," I replied. "I said <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">intense.</em> It was not a bad scene at all. Just...intense." It was the only word I could come up with.<br />Some scenes are like that. They are beyond articulation.<br />Frankly, I feel lucky to have experienced scenes like them.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">We want bottoms to feel comfortable sharing the experiences of their own scenes. We want them to have safe, sacred ground to tell their stories, and bare witness to others.<br />The best thing to do is often to just <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">listen.</em> Do not judge, do not critique...just listen.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">I could end my post with that. But that would be dangerous, too.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Because some bottoms <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">are</em> grappling with the idea that what they experienced is abuse, and they lack the articulation for that, too.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">What you end up with is a bottom who is beginning to feel the effects of the abuse—they might be small, they might be well hidden, but abuse <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">always</em> has an effect on the body and mind—and the bottom doesn't know what to do.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">On the one side, she has a Top who is making damn sure to tell her whatever he's doing to her, or did do to her, is <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">not</em> abuse. No how, no way; she's crazy if she thinks it is.<br />On the other side, she has friends who are telling her "It's up to you to decide what's abuse and what's not, dear. We support you either way."<br />And on the <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">other</em> side...she's got the entire kink community doing a very good job of showing her that if she comes out with allegations of abuse, she will be mocked, shunned, ostracized, disbelieved, and possibly outed.<br />...Gee, I wonder what she'll choose to do.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">There is no easy answer here, no right or wrong way. Every case is different, and every case must be handled with compassion—and hopefully, a sense of principle.<br />Like I said, this is not a mathematical algorithm. This is the human condition.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 21px;">(If you would like to see the full Fetlife version, click here to be redirected to Fetlife: </span><span style="color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21px;"><a href="https://fetlife.com/users/925156/posts/3331581">https://fetlife.com/users/925156/posts/3331581</a>)</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-25848559378446236172015-11-03T13:22:00.000-08:002015-11-03T13:22:03.119-08:00Your Consent Doesn't Mean Shit to Me: A Guest Post by Master_James_<div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<i><span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 21px;">The following post is not written by me. It is written by Master_James_, kinkster from Down Under and</span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 21px;"> owner of the House of Cadifor. You can find the original post on Fetlife here: </span></span></span><span style="color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21px;"><a href="https://fetlife.com/users/1751801/posts/3323422">https://fetlife.com/users/1751801/posts/3323422</a></span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: white;">This is reprinted with Master James's permission.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: white;">I do not agree with everything Master James writes in his post, but I think it is an important read. My response to his opinion piece will be posted tomorrow. </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: white;">*****</span></i></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">On the 9th of March 2001 Armin Meiwes slaughtered and then consumed Bernd Jürgen Armando Brandes, an engineer from Berlin.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">They had met via the website The Cannibal Cafe (a blog site for people with cannibal fetishes). Meiwes's had posted an advertisement stating that he was "looking for a well-built 18- to 30-year-old to be slaughtered and then consumed. The two met, made a video detailing the informed consent of both parties. The video went on to record the butchering, eventual death, and consumption of Brandes by Meiwes.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">You see ladies and gentlemen. Consent didn't mean jack-fucking-shit. Not to society, not to the surrounding community, not to the families, and certainly not to the court of law.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Now I know this example is a rather extreme case. But I use it intentionally to illustrate an important (yet an increasingly forgotten) point. That on this site, consent has become seen as the sole magical elixir or kinky holy water turning what we do from abuse into something ok like fucking alchemy.... But it isn't.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">The longest standing, universally accepted standard, that has served to bring BDSM away from the perception of abuse is SSC. For those slow kids on the short bus, this stands for Safe, Sane, Consensual. And for those of you who can't count to potato, Consent is only one third of that equation.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Think of non-abuse like a triangle. Safe, Sane, and Consensual make up it's three sides. If you are missing a side, then the triangle doesn't exist, and what you are doing is abuse.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Doing something without safety or sanity, but thinking telling me that you had consent makes it cool, just doesn't cut it. It's like raping a mentally handicapped person, and thinking that assuring me that you did it safely, somehow makes it ok.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Let me give you some hypothetical examples.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">If you find a person who is suffers from severe mental illnesses, and exploit that vulnerability in order to fulfil your fucked up fantasies. Then it doesn't matter if what you did was arguably safe and consensual. Then the side of your triangle that says 'Sane' is missing, and you are abusing someone.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">If you decide to do some heavy edge play like drowning, heavy facial punching, or a variety of other type high risk activities. And you cause serious and unexpected damage, because you didn't have reasonable safety protocols in place to avoid causing injury, or emergency training to respond to incidences if they do occur. Then the side of your triangle that says 'Safe' is missing, and what you are doing is abuse.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">If you decide to do some run of the mild tame bedroom kink. But you decide to film it without the other person knowing. Or introduce extra sexual partners in without warning half way through. Then the side of you triangle that says 'Consent' is missing, and what you are doing is abuse.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Abuse is not a question of whether or not you can scrape together some people who have been at the nasty end of your abuse to defend you. It's that your triangle is clearly missing a side to it. And it remains abuse no matter how well you sensationalise it. No matter how well you sexualise it. No matter how well you managed to target people who are so new they don't know enough about this stuff to know they don't have to blindly accept whatever you tell them. Or no matter how well you managed to target people who had become so accustomed to abuse in their past, that they were willing to accept your abuse as normal.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">If you boast about this, people are going to rightly see it as abuse, and call you out on it. This doesn't make them haters. It doesn't make them trolls. It makes them normal, ethical, caring, concerned people. People concerned about the people who have been abused, concerned about it sending the BDSM community backwards into the dark ages, and most importantly; concerned about possible future victims of abuse.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">If you get called out on this shit. Don't go on a rampage attacking those who did the right thing by voicing concerns. Instead, just stop and think about it. Then look for ways to improve your actions in the future. If you need advice, ask and you shall receive.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">If you don't, then you are an abusive asshole and you are no friend of mine.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br />Note:<br />RACK (risk aware consensual kink) is a great acronym to remind tops that consent doesn't mean shit, if it isn't well informed consent with all potential dangers and consequences thoroughly explained.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">PRICK (person responsibility in consensual kink) is a great acronym to remind bottoms that they are equally responsible for their consent status, and they own personage and the choices they make.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Both of the above acronyms are intended as fantastic tools to augment and further improve SSC, not replace it.</span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">*****</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">Again, my response to Master_James_'s post will be posted tomorrow.</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-86797585301858792452015-11-02T11:20:00.000-08:002015-11-02T11:20:23.033-08:00You Need a Utility Belt <div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Being a Master/Dom/Toppy type does not mean every scene you do has to be full of SERIOUS TERROR and ALTERED STATE. Sometimes it's just about being fun and silly. Case in point, my time last night:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Him: <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">(whispering gruffly in my ear behind me)</em> Take off your shirt.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Me: <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">(giggling)</em> You sound funny.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Him: I do?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Me: Yes, you sound like Batman.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Him: <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">(Back to gruff voice)</em> That's because I <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">am</em> Batman. Now take off your shirt.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Me: You're silly.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Him: I'm silly, and I'm Batman. Now take off your pants.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Me: I can't have sex with Batman. This is crazy!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Him: You can have sex with Batman if Batman says so. Hold your legs open. Wait for me—don't move! I'm going to get some toys.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Me: Toys?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Him: Batman has <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">aaaalll</em> the toys. Don't move.</span></div>
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<em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">(Comes back a few minutes later while I'm stuck with my legs open, laughing on the bed)</span></em></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Him: Toys.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Me: If you're going to use <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">that</em> thing on me, you'd better use lube.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Him: It's <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Bat</em>lube. And I'll use it if you're good.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Me: This is nuts!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Him: I'm Batman. Spread your ass—ah, good.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Me: It hurts!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Him: Too bad. I'm Batman.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Me: <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">(laughing so hard I can barely speak)</em> I can't relax when I'm laughing this hard!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Him: Not my problem. Batman is working now.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Me: Ow ow ow! What the hell are you doing?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Him: Well I'm not getting <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llyq-zyE-wU" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">lost in a mall</a>. Ray-chel!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Me: Wait, didn't Rachel die at the end of that movie?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Him: You won't die. I promise, and I'm Batman.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Me: You're crazy!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Him: I know, and you love it.</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-21058732523025576522015-10-13T09:35:00.000-07:002015-10-13T09:35:19.895-07:00Sexy In His Eyes<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<em style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Scene From last night, on our bed, right after I put the youngest to sleep</span></em></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Him: "You're so sexy."<br />Me: "Stop it. I am not sexy. My hair is a mess, I haven't brushed my teeth—"<br />Him: "<em style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">You</em> stop it. You <em style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">are</em> sexy."<br />Me: "Oh? What about me is sexy right now?"<br />Him: "Your legs are sexy."<br />Me: "I haven't shaved for two days."<br />Him: "They're sexy as hell."<br />Me: "You're weird."<br />Him: "No, don't turn away. Your eyes are sexy."<br />Me: "My mascara is all over my face."<br />Him: "And that's <em style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">sexy.</em> Your lips are sexy. Your throat is sexy. Your skin is sexy."<br />Me: My <em style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">skin,</em> huh? You're ill, remember? You're not thinking straight."<br />Him: "I'm feeling <em style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">much</em> better now."<br />Me: "Okay Romeo, so someday when my hair falls out and my teeth fall out and my knees are all bent and my face is all wrinkly and my skin is sagging to the floor, will I still be sexy?"<br />Him: "Yes, because of the most sexy thing of all."<br />Me: "And what's that?"<br />Him: "Control."<br />Me: "...Control?"<br />Him: "Yes. My control over you. <em style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">That</em> is the most sexy thing of all."<br />Me: "Really."<br />Him: "Yes. Watch: open your legs. See, you didn't think twice."<br />Me: "I did think twice!"<br />Him: <em style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">(laughing)</em> "Okay, maybe you did think twice, but you still did it. <em style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">That</em> is control, and <em style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">that</em> is sexy."<br />Me: "You really are sick."<br />Him: "Then make me feel better. Give me a blowjob. Ah...I love owning you."</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-68021331572432027232015-09-30T09:49:00.001-07:002015-09-30T09:49:44.876-07:00The Voice I ObeyI try very hard to hold my shit together online. Put up a good front, my mother used to say. Fake it till you make it.<br />
For the most part, I think I succeed. Yes, once in a while I will rant, especially during certain times of the month; but overall, I think—these days at least—I keep my personal issues off the screen.<br />
This does not mean I don't have my own personal issues to deal with; my own mental demons.<br />
<br />
We all have them, some worse than others. While I know many who can write freely about their demons—often with great eloquence—I am not one of them. It is hard for me to let strangers that deep into my head. Personally, I have never had any good come of it.<br />
<br />
Being a submissive in a D/s relationship does not somehow magically heal all my personal issues. The anxiety is still there, the depression, the Voice of Defeat whispering to me that I am not enough, that I will never be enough.<br />
<br />
What being a submissive in a D/s relationship means is that my <i>behavior</i> is under someone else's scrutiny and control. I cannot let the Voice of Defeat dictate my actions; I cannot comply when it tells me to give up, don't bother, there's no point, I'll never do it right anyway.<br />
<br />
That Voice of Defeat is pretty fucking powerful. Sometimes it doesn't talk at all: sometimes it just screams inside my head.<br />
(Sometimes I think I scream inside the dungeon not out of fear, or pain, but out of triumph: to show myself and the world I can, at the most sublimely painful moments, still hold my own voice, and scream louder than that Other.)<br />
<br />
The voice of my Master, while not louder, is always stronger. It always wins.<br />
<br />
So while I sometimes want nothing more than to disappear into my own personal cave, I cannot. I am not allowed to. I may still lay low, keep to myself, and maintain a low profile...but I am still acting as a functional human being. Meanwhile, I am getting my shit together, kicking that Voice of Defeat in the larynx and telling it to shut the fuck up while I fake it till I make it.<br />
<br />
And you know, sometimes that's the best you can do.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-81263486580288202142015-09-03T10:15:00.003-07:002015-09-03T10:15:24.313-07:008 Words To Turn Me Into a Blowjob Huntress "I have a conference call in two minutes."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-66205683554105634302015-08-21T09:20:00.002-07:002015-08-21T09:20:48.443-07:00This is why you don't show your Dom your bruises. <div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Me: "Look at what you did to me! Look at this!"</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Him: "Wow. What about the other leg?"</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Me: "It's not nearly as bad, thank God."</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Him: "We'll have to do something about this."</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Me: "I tried ice already."</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Him: "That's not what I meant. They're not symmetrical."</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Me: "...What?"</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Him: "We need them to be even."</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Me: <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">"What?</em> And what do you mean, <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">we?"</em></span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Him: "I can't remember what I did to cause that...look, we'll just have to recreate the whole night, and I'll retrace my steps, but everything I did to your left leg I'll do to your right leg, so they'll be even."</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Me: "WHAT!"</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Him: "You're right, that won't work...I'll just have to find a different way to give you a bruise like that, one that'll match. But there's no way...I might have to work on the first one, you know, to get them all even."</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">And this is how (if you're not me) you learn to shut up.</span></em></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-81432260626937749092015-08-18T11:47:00.002-07:002015-08-18T11:57:19.099-07:00Noisy Scenes and DM responsibilities Let me start out by saying that I am a person who makes a lot of noise in the dungeon. A <i>lot. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
I guess I should qualify that: by "in the dungeon," I mean whilst scening, and by "noise," I mean screaming. Screaming, swearing, whining, crying...a mixture of all that good stuff.<br />
Good if you're a Sadist who likes to hear that sort of thing. Good if you're the kind of person who gets turned on by listening.<br />
<br />
If you're the kind of person who <i>doesn't </i>like to hear those sorts of noises in the dungeon, if you're a person who is bothered by them...or expects all the noise around you to be on the "Low Moan" spectrum of things...ahh, this is where the conflicts start.<br />
<br />
Let's assume here we all have the same right to be in the dungeon at the same time. Yes, playing in a dungeon is a privilege, not a right per se...but let's assume your level of "privilege" is the same as mine. There are no rules are being broken, nothing going against dungeon policy, we both paid the same money, etc etc.<br />
<br />
My scene is going to involve a lot of noise. Your scene requires...well, not absolute quiet, but not someone screaming right next to you, either.<br />
What to do?<br />
We both have equal right to be there (again, let's assume). We both want the best scene outcome possible for everyone involved.<br />
<br />
Sometimes, Cats and Roosters, "Sharing Space" means <i>Taking Turns. </i><br />
<br />
The longer you're in the Scene—the more time you spend playing inside public dungeons—the more you learn about what works for you and what doesn't. If you're the kind of person who requires quiet, and I mean <i>your scene will be ruined unless you have quiet: </i>you let the DM know. The DM might be able to tell you about that good corner over there for your scene, a place where the sound won't carry.<br />
<br />
If you're the kind of person who makes a lot of noise? Again, the best thing is to let the DM know in advance. That way you might be put in a corner where your voice won't carry so far. You might also have to wait to do your scene when the timing is better.<br />
<br />
My local dungeon knows of my, shall we say, <i>proclivity</i> toward making noise.<br />
They take steps to ensure the neighbors are not bothered.<br />
They do require a strict policy beyond a certain level of noise. This has nothing to do with <i>me </i>as an individual, though. This is a dungeon rule by which everyone must abide. But it does tend to affect me more than others, because I tend to make more noise than others when I play.<br />
The dungeon works with me to keep the noise—<i>my</i> noise—contained. I, on the other hand, must understand that rules must be followed, and if the DM tells me to tone it down? I tone it down.<br />
<br />
Here is the problem I'm hearing more about lately: when some scenes get "preference" over others by DMs, because the louder or more extreme scenes do not seem to be "Sharing Space" like they should.<br />
<br />
The people in a "quiet" scene will go complaining to the DM about the noise level coming from the next scene over. They will say they want it quieted down. The DM will go over to the loud scene and tell them to hush up...not because they're breaking policy, not because the dungeon itself can't handle that level of noise, but because for some odd reason, the quiet scene gets priority.<br />
I think this is absolute bullshit and wrong.<br />
<br />
And yeah, maybe I'm biased, maybe I'm blindsided by the fact that I <i>am</i> a person who makes a lot of noise—but why should my scene get derailed because the people in the next corner can't handle it?<br />
<br />
Because yes, you have to understand: my scene does get derailed when someone walks into it, even the DM. I am pulled out of my particular mode of preyspace to be told I am making too much noise, that I have to change my behavior, that I'm doing something <i>wrong.</i><br />
A vast majority of the time my scene will get back on track, and I'll be able to sink back into my adrenaline fog of preyspace while my Top ensures my noise level dips down an octave or two. But there is always that moment—that shocking, shameful moment—when I have to "come to" long enough to understand that I have, somehow, fucked up.<br />
Not with my Top, not with my myself, but with the public play space I am privileged to be in.<br />
<br />
It's bad enough when this happens because I am breaking policy. I can understand that—it is the DM's job to ensure rules are abided—so I suck it up. As adults, we all have to abide by the rules if we want to play in our local play spaces.<br />
<br />
Blessed be that no DM in my local dungeon has ever tried to shut me up or interrupt my scene because "some people playing over there" were bothered by my noise. If other kinksters are bothered by my noise, they should move themselves, or wait until my scene is over to start theirs.<br />
<br />
That is what adult behavior is about, too.<br />
<br />
It is the job of the DM to enforce dungeon policy, not choose which scenes are more "worthy" to play out over others. There are ways we can all play and get along, if we are all willing to make space for each other. Sometimes it is up to the DM to nip conflict in the bud by making sure all scenes are respected and held sacred—not just the quiet ones.<br />
<br />
And since people are prone to give more weight to what they hear last (even when two ideas are presented evenly) I will end this by saying that I realize the job of the DM is incredibly hard, often mentally exhausting, and very seldom appreciated the way it should be. The vast majority of DMs out there are upstanding, honest, respectful people who are just trying their best to make sure nothing horrible happens inside the dungeon on their shift, and nobody ends up in the ER. To all you DMs out there, thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything that you do.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-56092404100740761632015-08-04T07:29:00.000-07:002015-08-04T07:29:57.470-07:00Kinky Sheep Orgy Gone Wrong!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
My mother has a lot of figurine collections. Here are members of her sheep figurine collection, all lined up, waiting for me to climb back into bed.</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl1BF8RYdBS-S_7QcEZJKEzEZJnryHIB2HI0EjFSf2mizC0Njys0UmS4aSegcBTiq5HsFOS6QqO1snh3yrYYiDij2sXZLLTPgH4XjhtTlqT5TA5DJ-I18D6HEAxuIwYBoKTK6Iae5vn9Q/s1600/IMG_4267.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl1BF8RYdBS-S_7QcEZJKEzEZJnryHIB2HI0EjFSf2mizC0Njys0UmS4aSegcBTiq5HsFOS6QqO1snh3yrYYiDij2sXZLLTPgH4XjhtTlqT5TA5DJ-I18D6HEAxuIwYBoKTK6Iae5vn9Q/s320/IMG_4267.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
"I thought they'd be adorable," my mother said.<br />
"They are waiting to kill me in my sleep," I said.<br />
It turned out, the sheep were more kinky than I thought.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1N5-ZoKuLKooYBObUoQjW42qUO_Yu8WFUufehl_yITswNUmdgr0qdanEgJQsjiVsolMOR65J7vMA2grt39NtFzSyw0o5Gg_Vr3A4pwOVoo23ODV4WTuCcUYywHYq0lU_1zAn5WZJnopo/s1600/IMG_4270.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1N5-ZoKuLKooYBObUoQjW42qUO_Yu8WFUufehl_yITswNUmdgr0qdanEgJQsjiVsolMOR65J7vMA2grt39NtFzSyw0o5Gg_Vr3A4pwOVoo23ODV4WTuCcUYywHYq0lU_1zAn5WZJnopo/s320/IMG_4270.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
A few minutes later, a sheep orgy was in full baaa and swing, and <i>everyone</i> had reason to smile.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHSe2B7cE_GZksdK33bfta7AFSxQ8K0hF7mJI0wa5tCRSH4VRF9oFxbVdjAdBjbWXZlOFnUkAyTcF3Po5WHt-kqPzfILLDA01n5mUy5FmLGu_s1hB5AtLSfVrOPZEj-Hb47EHoxOwyDG0/s1600/IMG_4272.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHSe2B7cE_GZksdK33bfta7AFSxQ8K0hF7mJI0wa5tCRSH4VRF9oFxbVdjAdBjbWXZlOFnUkAyTcF3Po5WHt-kqPzfILLDA01n5mUy5FmLGu_s1hB5AtLSfVrOPZEj-Hb47EHoxOwyDG0/s320/IMG_4272.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Top Sheep was <i>very </i>popular—mainly because of his size, I think.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhChNaad73TphrOoSTKsFZf37LWuh81ZUkc_5tA0i3l8hdMejZMR_dYcBEoC55qiH0h3xP4YFxfHuIW1EJkYuVGfSSDBpsQrD7-Z2i9cNiDvrnlO9GoKONmB7haYSvTo2oy0Si2FX2j9J8/s1600/IMG_4273.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhChNaad73TphrOoSTKsFZf37LWuh81ZUkc_5tA0i3l8hdMejZMR_dYcBEoC55qiH0h3xP4YFxfHuIW1EJkYuVGfSSDBpsQrD7-Z2i9cNiDvrnlO9GoKONmB7haYSvTo2oy0Si2FX2j9J8/s320/IMG_4273.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Uh oh: things have gone wrong. Bottom sheep has now cried "CONSENT VIOLATION!"<br />
She's off in the corner crying with her friend, while her boyfriend (they're polysheep of course) has words with Top Sheep.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLwKEqWivA0kHQffmzZFbNlxw_DD9IrgREwqW_tg2hs1F1u-35Z2cqcaCwsiewvkcCSKh0XHlFlqp6YwfqVYGCqItsCucHIyLUkJQkX4z2OPyagJXpwgGGtOIgex2k8QfMW8TmyRzJF9k/s1600/IMG_4274.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLwKEqWivA0kHQffmzZFbNlxw_DD9IrgREwqW_tg2hs1F1u-35Z2cqcaCwsiewvkcCSKh0XHlFlqp6YwfqVYGCqItsCucHIyLUkJQkX4z2OPyagJXpwgGGtOIgex2k8QfMW8TmyRzJF9k/s320/IMG_4274.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Things are escalating...Top Sheep is trying to apologize to bottom sheep, but she's having none of it. Her friend is yelling at Top Sheep STOP BEING SO PUSHY LEAVE HER ALONE while others look on.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8FR3V5jBLsdxleXW7KYRojqSMmAWSB6oQFJlKmsvM0b4p-yElnQMOmrARjhDqs2L7tcWDgcnVY3Md-3F0iYBwPLlZ52-9BtB9cG9YtwUFiUceIpTldt8_SRtWXAGfAS51qLtJ3Rzlv-E/s1600/IMG_4275.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8FR3V5jBLsdxleXW7KYRojqSMmAWSB6oQFJlKmsvM0b4p-yElnQMOmrARjhDqs2L7tcWDgcnVY3Md-3F0iYBwPLlZ52-9BtB9cG9YtwUFiUceIpTldt8_SRtWXAGfAS51qLtJ3Rzlv-E/s320/IMG_4275.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Now they're all trying to talk it out, but what they fail to notice is that the quiet onlooker to this whole scene is now writing up a post on Fetlife about everything....<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH0w1_1v1SW10RnV95-9WIBdR6aW7Mi1nC7UfHfLJbpwj7JgxIFmsUiSGKTT7oGN2sgyLPFsbV7oObxI7Bq6O1Ind0AwtpA18ZGyTjUK4lQ4g4Feph38IfmK67514-h6E4AwXrWk1_5YI/s1600/IMG_4276.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH0w1_1v1SW10RnV95-9WIBdR6aW7Mi1nC7UfHfLJbpwj7JgxIFmsUiSGKTT7oGN2sgyLPFsbV7oObxI7Bq6O1Ind0AwtpA18ZGyTjUK4lQ4g4Feph38IfmK67514-h6E4AwXrWk1_5YI/s320/IMG_4276.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Breaking news: the bottom sheep's friend has now taken Top Sheep's side in the fight, Top Sheep and two-faced ex-friend are now a couple, and the onlooker is happy because his post lamenting all the "drama" is now on K&P.<br />
<br />
Wow. Sheep live more interesting lives than I thought.<br />
(I think I need help.)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-84098247395643148062015-07-27T09:39:00.000-07:002015-07-27T09:39:15.876-07:00Updates (and Bombs)Dear Readers,<br />
It is with great excitement that I share the news: my latest book is now out!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV1y4_JQSpBBb1aHceCR5FM9Qwy2hCnOyzWBi8Matgkcqi8Ulf3v0HMpKEmD1Xs_elEkGlPX2S1MiX0hJLscQYv5s4VfH06DsfwMwG0T11pLOzyuCXVPbdV4JIr5UTScZ5t_qopEE0tBg/s1600/King-Thrushbeard-1600-Barnes-and-Noble+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV1y4_JQSpBBb1aHceCR5FM9Qwy2hCnOyzWBi8Matgkcqi8Ulf3v0HMpKEmD1Xs_elEkGlPX2S1MiX0hJLscQYv5s4VfH06DsfwMwG0T11pLOzyuCXVPbdV4JIr5UTScZ5t_qopEE0tBg/s320/King-Thrushbeard-1600-Barnes-and-Noble+copy.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
It is a stand-alone book, the second one in my "Erotic Fairy Tale" series. You can read sample chapters on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/King-Thrushbeard-Erotic-Fairy-Tale-ebook/dp/B012LM88QW">AMAZON</a> or<span style="color: #fff2cc;"> <a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/king-thrushbeard-shelby-cross/1122397931">BARNES&NOBLE.</a></span><br />
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My other news is not so exciting. I tried updating my blog last week—including all my pages—and I ended up inadvertently planting bombs instead, killing a lot of my design and blog photos. I fixed what I could, and everything should be fine from here on out, but many of my previous entry photos are now kaput.<br />
Bah. Bah and grr. <br />
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I'm traveling again this week (this summer is the "Summer of Travel," it feels like); when I get back, it'll be time to start outlining my next book.<br />
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I'll be visiting family while I'm away. You can look forward to blog posts about my religiously-conservative, ANTI-kink family.<br />
Bah. Bah and grr.<br />
<span style="color: #fff2cc;"><br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-89599501479721874292015-07-24T08:32:00.001-07:002015-07-24T08:32:37.639-07:00Small Insight on How We Communicate<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<em style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Scene from last night</span></em></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Me: You <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">could</em> have not given me this nosebleed.</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Him: You <em style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">could</em> have stopped fighting.</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-54380263873759163362015-07-18T08:04:00.001-07:002015-07-26T08:33:29.507-07:00Hello From the Holy City (Double Entendre, That)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I'm writing this post to you guys from the Holy City of Jerusalem. Home of the Temple Mount, Dome of the Rock, where Jesus lived...sacred grounds.<br />
<br />
I am horny as all fuck.<br />
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I went to a rope munch here. It was awesome. Jerusalem is a surprisingly open city toward LGBTQ folk and others of a more kinky nature. It's not San Francisco of course—but still.<br />
One thing I learned is how important it is to come to a new community with an open mind.<br />
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This rope munch was run differently than other rope munches I've attended. Rope was available for those who didn't have, books were on hand for those who wanted to learn, teachers were ready to lend some guidance...and the feeling of community and camaraderie was very strong.<br />
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There was no "universal safeword" here. I was kind of surprised to hear that. In my neck of the words, SAFEWORD is <i>the</i> word to use to get everyone's attention. (RED will also work, but will not always stop the scene immediately.)<br />
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In my community, we need this universal safeword because for the most part, people leave other people's scenes alone. We watch, we learn what we can from the peripheries; if we're invited to participate, <i>then</i> we get some hands-on interaction.<br />
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Not all of us will know each other. Many new people will show up once to a munch and never be seen again. Continuity is there to a certain degree, yes; but it ebbs and wanes.<br />
We try to create safe space for people's scenes in a situation where we might not have any clue about the vast majority of scenes going on, or the people in them.<br />
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At the rope munch in Jerusalem, everyone knew each other—I was the odd kinkster out. And yet, if I had said "no I don't like that" to my partner, or "stop right now," that would have been enough to get everyone's ears perked up.<br />
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Apparently some of them had never seen a brat in action, either. This part got interesting I gotta say. When my partner started tying me, my mouth started running off, and people started glancing our way to look what was going on.<br />
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They had never watched a woman get tied up while panicky and miserable, telling her Top in great detail what a jerk he is in between bouts of giggles.<br />
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At one point my Top had me turn to face the room and let people know everything going on was consensual and in control.<br />
(That is something I'm used to having to do.)<br />
I was also told to keep my voice down.<br />
(I'm used to that, too.)<br />
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I'll be back home in a few days, and then it's back to our regularly scheduled programming—and then MY NEXT BOOK RELEASE!<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3187736688415411594.post-2070562206535264472015-06-30T09:35:00.001-07:002015-07-26T08:33:40.284-07:00Cut Nails and Troublesome Mouth <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>In the car, driving Husband to the train station, looking over at his hands (cause he has sexy Man Hands):</i><br />
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"Oh, you've cut your nails."<br />
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"Yes." (Raises eyebrows.) "Does this give you ideas?"<br />
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"Nope. No ideas."<br />
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"No ideas—like my hand inside you?"<br />
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"No."<br />
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"You don't want my hand inside you? Fisting you? In and out, <i>in</i> and <i>out—"</i><br />
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"NO THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT THANK YOU."<br />
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"I think my nails <i>did</i> give you ideas. I think you <i>do</i> want to get fisted tonight. I think that's why you said something."<br />
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"I think you should just keep your hands in your lap, over <i>there,</i> while I'm driving."<br />
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"That's not going to happen."<br />
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"Then I think from now on I should keep my mouth shut."<br />
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"You know that's not going to happen, either...especially not tonight."<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0