(I posted this yesterday on Fetlife, and it's #1 on Kinky&Popular right now, so I thought I'd post it here, too.)
Conversation with my Mother
Mom: Shelby-leh, you write sexy stories, right? Me: Yes, Mother. I write sexy stories. Mom: Can you answer a question for me? Me: I guess…. Mom: Why do all these writers, when they're writing sexy scenes, all use the same words? Me: What do you mean? Mom:… Me: Can you give me an example what you're talking about? Mom (quietly): Like "he put his finger in her sweet wetness." Why would they write it like that? Me: It's called purple prose, Mother. The writer doesn't want to get too graphic, but they still want to get the image across, so they use this flowery kind of writing. Mom: I see it all the time now. It's weird. Me: Well, writers are putting more sex in their books, but they don't want to make them too graphic. Mom (after a long pause): Why would he even want to put his finger in her 'sweet wetness,' anyway? And why would she want him to put his finger in her 'sweet wetness'? Me: Mother…you've been married over forty years. If you don't know, I can't explain it to you. Mom: Well, it's better than that 50 Shades of Grey book. I mean, that thing was just unrealistic. A girl goes on one date with a man, has sex with him, and has three orgasms? Me: …..
Later, after telling Husband of my conversation with my Mom
Husband: I don't understand how you came into the world. Were you fucking adopted? Me (grumbling) I wish I was. Husband: She really doesn't know a woman can come more than once a night? Why didn't you tell her? Me: I wasn't going to say anything. What was I going to say, 'Your son-in-law makes me have multiple orgasms on a regular basis'? Husband: That would have been interesting. How many times did you come last night, anyway? Me: I don't know, you tell me. You were the one with your fist in my cunt. Husband: I'd say more than three. Me: Well, there you go. Husband: When I had my fingers in your sweet wetness.