Saturday, March 15, 2014

Sunday Bible Story: Don't Be That Person

Ok, cats and roosters, I'm about to get biblical.
NO, NOT IN THAT WAY. Stop looking at my blouse buttons.

The story in the bible goes like this: The people of Israel wanted a king; so God commanded his prophet, Samuel, to anoint Saul as King, the proverbial Chosen One.
For a while, Saul was a very good King. He was groovy with God.
But after a while, Saul began to fuck up. And it was not just little fuck ups, it was big fuck ups. 
God didn't like the big fuck ups, so he told Samuel he was done with Saul as King, and it was now David's turn to rule. 
So Saul went and anointed David as the new King of Israel.

Now here's the thing: Saul did not just up and stop being King. No, he was the guy with the power; he was not just going to give that up, not to anyone, certainly not this little shrimp called David. Fuck that. 
So for a while, David was the chosen King of Israel...but was not. He had no power. He had to hide for a while. He steered clear of Saul's wrath. David knew he was a wanted man, and the last thing he wanted to do was stir the pot, poke the beast, and start a possible war. He made himself scarce.
And he waited. 
Soon enough, a great battle was had, Saul was killed by his own sword, and David was officially made King over Israel.

There is a lesson to be learned here, my friends. There is an important moral story to be had by looking at what David did...or rather, what he did not do.
David, by all rights, was the true King of Israel the moment God said so. As soon as Samuel anointed him, David could have challenged Saul for the throne...and he would have won. God and the people were on his side, you see. David could have staged his own coup, and there wouldn't have been a damn thing Saul could have done about it.
So why didn't David do it? Why did he wait until the throne came to him by other means? 
Because he didn't want to throw a coup, and possibly start a civil war, that's why. He didn't want to start his reign as The King Who Killed the Last King. He didn't want his reign to start through evil means.
He didn't want to be that person. 

Sometimes, recognizing the distinction between what you have a right to do, and what is the right thing to do, is really fucking hard. But it's an important distinction to make if you don't want to be that person.
Don't be the person who behaves out of malice.
Don't be the person who plots vengeance. 
Don't be the person who does things or says things not to make your life better, but to make someone else's life worse. 
Don't be petty.
Don't be unworthy of your own person.
Rise above. Be a King.

And sometimes it's really fucking hard. Sometimes people will say things and do things that will hurt you so fucking much, all you want to do is hurt them back. You have the right to hurt them back, nobody would fault you...tit for tat, right?
But who does that make you?
What kind of person do you want to be?

I'm not saying passivity is always the way to go. David was far from a passive King; in fact, by the time he was done ruling, he had more bloodshed on his hands than the next few Kings combined.
But he always acted out of a sense of duty, to do what was right for his people, to keep his country safe and secure. His motives were always pure, or at least, as pure as he could make them...because he knew if he acted out of malice, or greed, or arrogance, God (or karma, whatever you want to call it) would be coming after him. 
And he was proven right.

It's an important lesson we can all learn: when action is required, let it be for justice, not revenge. Protect the innocent when necessary, but do so without wrath for the guilty; for what they deserve is only your pity.
Don't act out of anger. Don't confuse integrity with a simple desire to get even. Revenge is sometimes quick and easy, while justice can often come fucking slowly.
As does forgiveness. 

It is hard. I know. It is so fucking hard sometimes to be that person.
But I think it's something worth striving for.

But dear God, it is hard.

Saturday, March 8, 2014

The Most Embarrassing Story I Will Ever Have to Write

...I hope.
Seriously, if you know me, you might not want to admit it right now.

SO I just had to run to Target. Son3 had a birthday party to go to, and I needed to get a gift for the birthday boy.
If you know me, you know I suffer from terrible allergies. I always have a collection of tissues in my bag. Yes, I know, I should see an allergist about that. Believe me, after today, I AM GOING TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN.

So I'm at Target, I'm in the toy isle, and lo and behold, my nose starts to run. I reach into my purse to get a tissue, and find out...I don't have one.
My purse is empty of tissues. NO NO OH NO.
What do I do, what do I do?
My nose is running really bad now. I am not above using my sleeve if it's a minor case and nobody's looking, but sleeve would just not cut it. I needed a tissue.
What to do?
I began frantically to look through every nook and cranny of my purse, desperate for anything I could use to wipe my nose, the slightest thread or rip of a tissue. I found nothing....
Nothing but a couple extra emergency tampons.

Yeah, you know what's coming.

I opened up a tampon, grabbed the cotton wad, and started wiping my nose with it.
There was suddenly a lot to wipe. It was as if, once the cotton touched my nose, my nasal passages let loose; I had a spout of snot on my hands.
And a tampon.
So I did what any quick thinking idiot would do...I stuffed the tampon up my nose.
My intent was to have it there for a split second, I swear; just long enough to clear the air.

At that exact moment, a mother with a child who looked to be about three years old walked into my aisle. She looked at my face...saw a tampon stuffed up my nose...and stopped in horror.
I looked at her. She looked at me. Then she grabbed the child by the hand, turned around, and led him out of the aisle.

I blew the tampon out my nose. My sinuses felt better, but my dignity did not.
Monday morning, I am making that appointment with that allergist.