Saturday, March 8, 2014

The Most Embarrassing Story I Will Ever Have to Write

...I hope.
Seriously, if you know me, you might not want to admit it right now.

SO I just had to run to Target. Son3 had a birthday party to go to, and I needed to get a gift for the birthday boy.
If you know me, you know I suffer from terrible allergies. I always have a collection of tissues in my bag. Yes, I know, I should see an allergist about that. Believe me, after today, I AM GOING TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN.

So I'm at Target, I'm in the toy isle, and lo and behold, my nose starts to run. I reach into my purse to get a tissue, and find out...I don't have one.
My purse is empty of tissues. NO NO OH NO.
What do I do, what do I do?
My nose is running really bad now. I am not above using my sleeve if it's a minor case and nobody's looking, but sleeve would just not cut it. I needed a tissue.
What to do?
I began frantically to look through every nook and cranny of my purse, desperate for anything I could use to wipe my nose, the slightest thread or rip of a tissue. I found nothing....
Nothing but a couple extra emergency tampons.

Yeah, you know what's coming.

I opened up a tampon, grabbed the cotton wad, and started wiping my nose with it.
There was suddenly a lot to wipe. It was as if, once the cotton touched my nose, my nasal passages let loose; I had a spout of snot on my hands.
And a tampon.
So I did what any quick thinking idiot would do...I stuffed the tampon up my nose.
My intent was to have it there for a split second, I swear; just long enough to clear the air.

At that exact moment, a mother with a child who looked to be about three years old walked into my aisle. She looked at my face...saw a tampon stuffed up my nose...and stopped in horror.
I looked at her. She looked at me. Then she grabbed the child by the hand, turned around, and led him out of the aisle.

I blew the tampon out my nose. My sinuses felt better, but my dignity did not.
Monday morning, I am making that appointment with that allergist.


  1. That is a real good story :)

  2. I always carry a hankie in my purse for that very reason. Just buy a dozen from the men's section for $20, and put one in all of your bags. That way if you run out of kleenex, a hanky is always there. Worst case scenario, you forget to wash it and have to wipe your nose on a dirty hanky.

  3. Omg! I feel so bad for you, but that was hilarious! Thank you for sharing!

  4. That is so hilarious!!! Hey, you know what? Resourceful and Creative, you are!!!!