Kink Meme Monday: When was the first time you used the word "kinky" to describe yourself? How did it feel?

I didn't use the word "kinky" to describe myself until I discovered the kink community, which relatively speaking, wasn't that long ago at all.

(There are the "old timers" who've been in the community for 20, 25, 30 years; some even longer. My Mistress runs one of the oldest munches in the entire fucking world. There is no "catching up" to those folks, but when you get right down to it, there is no reason to try, either.)

My path was very similar to a lot of other people's, I think, in that I knew for a long time I was different. I was more prone to playing on the edge, more open to trying taboos, and my relationships were filled with dark twisty sinkholes of perversion.

For a long time, Husband and I lived our lives together thinking our relationship was peculiar, and some would say, unhealthy; but we were happy on the path we were on, so we kept at it.

It wasn't until I discovered the kink community that I learned there's a whole segment of society who live their lives just like us, or try to. That we weren't the unhealthy ones; in the BDSM community, we were an example of a couple getting it right.

Realizing that was an amazing feeling.

But the word "kinky" is not all that important. One person may like to don fluffy handcuffs once a month with their partner, and consider themselves "kinky" because of that. Other people—typically women—may live their lives as 24/7 slaves, but if they happen to never think of their relationships as anything other than normal, if they in fact think their lifestyles are a step up from everyone else's, they may not consider themselves kinky at all.

(I have met plenty of couples in my life who fit that bill. The wives are definitely 24/7 slaves to their husbands, but they fill that role out of religious and social obligations. If you ask one of these women if she considers herself kinky, she'd be appalled by the question; that doesn't make her any less a slave.)

Words to describe yourself should never be used to pigeonhole yourself. They are not set in stone, and they are not absolute. But they do have incredible power, and can lead to amazing epiphanies about yourself.

Kink Meme Monday: "Do you have any kinky nicknames?"

If you mean dirty, naughty little monickers like "whore" or "cumslut," then no.

If you mean sweet little nicknames like "sweetie" or "sugar pie," then yes, yes I do...but those are private.

Then there's the third category: words Husband uses to remind me of my place in his home, in his life. They aren't really pronouns, though; they have more of a possessive adjectives-type feel. They are words like Lady, Wife, and Owned. 

If I'm behaving childishly—especially if we're out in public, especially if he's already given me a warning to stop—he'll call me Lady. He'll use it in a way like "Stop making faces, Lady" or "We will talk about this later, Lady." It's his way of letting me know he doesn't think I'm behaving the way a proper woman should.

Wife is used in a somewhat similar fashion, but it's reserved for times when I haven't shown pride in the title. As his Wife, I have certain duties and responsibilities, and when I fail in my obligations, and he grows disappointed, he will quickly let me know.
I'll give you an example: when Husband calls me from another part of the house, I'm expected to come running, or have a damn good reason not to. Yesterday, he called me from downstairs, and I didn't come right away—I wanted to finish up an email I was writing.
Three seconds later I heard, "I SAID COME HERE, WIFE."
I ran.
He always seems to know when I'm legitimately delayed, and when I'm just dawdling. I don't know how he knows, but he knows.

Owned is reserved for the bedroom and secret moments when the kids aren't around. When he's planning something he knows I won't like—like a harrowing scene, or a practice session with a diabolical toy—he takes great pleasure in reminding me that I have no choice in the matter, that I am his property, bought and sold, and he gets to do whatever he wants to me.
(And yes, part of that is the fact that I have given him the right to do whatever he wants to me, because we have a Complete Power Exchange, Consensual-Non-Consent relationship. But he still loves to remind me how he bought me when he married me.)

There are variations on these words, but they all have basically the same meaning, and the same purpose: to remind me of our particular dynamics. It's a mini "reinforcement of the power exchange relationship," as my friend likes to say.
But notice, they are kinky nicknames in the D/s sense, not in the S/m sense. They are used to reinforce my submission in the relationship, not humiliate or titillate me.
He doesn't call me his "whore" or "cumslut" or anything like that because he knows how much I wouldn't like that. It wouldn't just do me hurt, it would do me harm, and there's a difference between the two.

Kink Meme Monday: "What sort of labels, if any, do you use to describe yourself?"

Let's start with the basics: I am a straight female ciswoman with pansexual desires. Meaning, I am aroused mainly by men, but I find all types of people attractive, and if I get to know you, and the chemistry is right, I will want to play with you.

I label myself as WIFE. This one is kind of hard to define. I am less than a submissive, but more than a slave, I think. Husband does call me his slave on occasion, and I don't bitch about it when he does, so...maybe that does make me his slave. 

I am definitely his property. 

He loves to remind me how he "bought" me at our wedding. We had a Jewish wedding, and according to Jewish custom, the marriage contract has two parts: the tana'yim, the conditions under which the man gains possession of the wife, and the ketubah, the contract itself. I signed neither one of these things; my father and Husband did, because it is basically a purchase agreement between my father and my Husband, and I have zero say. 

(People try to claim now that women do have a say, by silently "agreeing" to accept the man's ring. But guess what, centuries ago women were married without their consent all the time, using this exact same contract, and nobody batted an eyelash. Even today, the woman doesn't say a damn word at her own wedding, and that should be an indication of what's really going on.)

I label myself as SMART-ASSED BRAT. This means I got a mouth on me. I'm snarky. I'm mischievous. When things go too far, I'm a dirty rascal. It's just part of my nature. People who can't abide brats don't play with me, it's that simple. 

I label myself as an ANAL SLUT. I love all things anal. I give advice on it to those starting out. My best orgasms are anal orgasms. Yes, we exist, and we're not just faking it; it's just how our nerves are set up. Touch my cunt, and I'll moan, but touch my asshole, and I'll squeal. 

People call me a MASOCHIST. I struggle with this label. To me, a masochist is someone who is able to process pain as pleasure, and enjoy it that way. I'm not like that; pain is always pain for me. 

What I like is the struggle, the fear, the agony of suffering through. The anticipation of knowing what is to come, the heightened rush of adrenaline, living moment by moment as it hits me, the heady rush of feeling alive. I especially love to suffer for the people I adore; I feel like this is the ultimate proof of my devotion. I do not just tell them how much they mean to me, I offer up my blood upon the Cross as sacrifice. 

This kind of play is incredibly sacred. 

I label myself as PREY. This means I love—love—to be chased and taken down like a wildebeest in the wild. I need to feel like I've been hunted and captured, stalked and seized by a bloodthirsty, predacious animal. I need the savagery, the heat, the teeth, the steamy breath in my face. I need him to respect my wily ways, but in the end, he needs to outmaneuver me if he's to have any chance of having me. 

And in the end, when the struggle is over and he's pinned me down and I have no breath left to fight and I hear his brutal laugh in my ear? That is the biggest rush of all. 

And yet, I also label myself as LADY. Because when I'm not in scene, when I'm not playing, when I'm out in public and living my day-to-day life, I try my best to be dignified, refined, and as respectful as possible of those around me. Because I am a wife and a mother, and I am expected to make my Husband proud. Anything I do that embarrasses me, reflects badly on him. I am to walk with grace, pride, and awareness of not just who I am, but what I represent. I represent my Husband, my children, my family, and yes, my community; I should not forget that. 

These are all the labels I can think of right now. I guess there's one more—coffee addict—and I need to go get my fix. 

Meme Monday: What's your hardest boundary?

One word: NEEDLES.
Needles give me the heebie-jeebies. Just thinking about them gives me goosebumps. Just writing out the word makes me jumpy. (Notice how the picture doesn't even have a needle in it? Cause you will not find a picture of a needle on my blog. Oh Jesus I said it again.)
I'm going to combine this post with the next question in the meme, so I only have to face this topic ONCE, and then we can put it to rest, hallelujah, amen, the end:

When did you realize this is your hardest boundary? And how?
I have always suffered from a needle phobia, for as long as I can remember. This may or may not be the result of a car accident when I was a toddler; I was hit by a drunk driver, and suffered for months afterwards, in and out of the hospital. I have scars from it, and to this day, have issues with my hip.
I think my phobia got worse went I spent two years abroad, in a place where sympathy for something like phobias was nonexistent, and I was forced to go through some medical procedures with zero support and downright sadistic medical personnel.
And in the words of Forest Gump, "That's all I'm going to say about that."

But I will say a couple things about boundaries (and triggers) in general:
A personal boundary, or in my case, a trigger, is something the individual must deal with—meaning, while I appreciate a minimal level of understanding and sympathy, I do not, and should not, expect everyone else around me to change their behavior just to work around my trigger.
I go to parties where there is needle play going on all the time; when I get uncomfortable, I walk away. I do not expect others to stop doing what they love, just to appease me.
This is my boundary, my issue, no one else's.

At the same time, I do expect a minimal level of courtesy. Once people know of my needle phobia, I expect them to give me the option of walking away quietly, and not giving me a hard time about it. I expect people to refrain from mocking me. Ridiculing me for having this phobia is not okay...in fact, I would call that another personal boundary.

I do have people in my life who love me and want me to get over this phobia, because eventually, as I get older, there is a real possibility this phobia may risk my health. But I am scared to deal with it.

Monday Meme: "When did you realize this was your "biggest" kink? And how?"

I never "realized" Take-Down Play is my biggest kink; it always just was. From an early age, I was fantasizing (and literally dreaming) about being chased and hunted. And when I say "early age," I mean, I was still watching cartoons. Some of my favorite cartoon characters from GI Joe and M.A.S.K. floated in and out of those fantasies.

I made the mistake one time of telling my sister about my dreams. "Those are your dreams?" She asked me in disbelief. "Those are my nightmares. You're such a weirdo."
That was when I realized maybe not everyone shared in my proclivities.

When I reached puberty, and started having thoughts and urges about sex, I hit a deep dichotomy: on one hand, I had been told sex was supposed to be gentle, relaxed, and an almost passive activity for the woman. On the other hand, my fantasizes were full of ruthlessness, brutality, and a heady dose of fear.

Trying to reconcile these two conflicting views of what sex was supposed to "be like" took some time, but in the end, my own personal urges won out. I discovered some S&M books at my local book store, and while I understood them to be fringe fiction, completely taboo, I also felt a huge sense of relief that there were other people like me out there in the world, who liked sex rough and violent.

Once I started actually having sex with boys, things got harder. I got myself into a lot of trouble. I don't blame the boys—at least, not most of them. They were figuring themselves out, just like me. I wanted to be hurt, and they wanted to hurt me, but none of us knew what the hell we were doing.

Then I met Husband, who seemed to inherently understand the basic rule of "Hurt, But Don't Harm," even if he didn't know how to articulate it. The sex between us was savage, but never left me feeling degraded or violated; it was fun, and had me coming back for more.
Which, you know, is vital in any BDSM relationship.

"What's Your Biggest Kink?"

My biggest kink would have to be take-down play, otherwise known as rape-fantasy play, otherwise known as primal sex.

I love it when my partner has to come after me and pin me down. I get drunk on the thrill of the chase. I identify as prey; I expect my partner to have a beast inside him, one willing to do almost whatever it takes to hunt me down. I want him to need to devour me. I want to know that among this large field of possible game, he chose me as his target, because I am worthy of the chase. He is willing to settle for nothing less.

I want to know he gets just as much thrill from the chase as I do. I want him to strike terror in my heart, because in this game, without fear, there is no victory. I want him to know I will fight him every step of the way, and he will welcome my puny attempts to thwart him.
I want him to savor his victory over me, because it will not come easily.

This kind of play is what some consider "edge play." There is a lot of "consensual non-consent" going on. My play partners, those who engage in this sort of play with me, have to know a lot more about me than just my safewords. They have to be able to read my body language, my cues, what I'm thinking behind my eyes even if I don't say the words out loud.
They have to know at least a little of what I'm thinking, because they will need that knowledge to outwit me.

Not everyone wants to play like this; more importantly, not everyone can. There's a heady dose of trust involved, along with the need for full understanding of what the fuck you're doing, way before you even start. Connection, communication, discussion, negotiation—all of it's necessary before your first scene begins. This is fantasy play, not actual assault, but things can go real wrong real quick in a heartbeat if you misread your partner.

But the pleasure I get from these scenes...man, it's a rush.

I have a fantasy of being released into a large field, being given a ten second head start, and then hunted down, chased, captured like a wild animal. It would be like that book, "The Most Dangerous Game," only instead of being killed, I'd be stripped down, tied up like a stray heifer, and beaten for my defiance.

Now I'm all aroused.

New Year, New Layout, New Posts

Well hello there, blog o'mine. Long time no see.
Happy New Year!
Let's make some updates!
I did some tweaking to the blog template. Nothing too major, in my opinion—I'll probably never get tired of the black background, it's like the classic black cocktail dress every woman is supposed to have in her closet—which of course I don't, but my BLOG does, so there, that totally counts—where was I going with this? Oh yeah, changes.

I don't know about you fine people, but I'm feeling good about 2015. 2014 filled me with unreasonable and inexplicable anxiety, and while nothing catastrophic happened that year, it was filled with small hiccups and micro-calamities that kept shoving me off my game.
But not this year. Ho ho ho, no. This year I'm gonna rock my socks off.
If I'm told I'm allowed to wear socks. ;)
It's funny how we get vibes about these sorts of things, isn't it? Let's hope I'm right.

I didn't disappeared entirely these last couple months. I can always be found on Fetlife; that place sucks the time out of your life the way Hitachis will suck orgasms out of your clit. Oh yes! We got a hitachi, too. Our first one. A post is going up about that, for sure.
A little prelude: I HATE THE HITACHI. Yes, I do. And I'm pretty sure it hates me back.

But as I was saying, I was on Fetlife (a lot), and I wrote this meme, "30 Things the Right Way." I didn't think anyone would actually do the damn thing, but they did, which made me feel fucking awesome, and all sorts of voyeuristic. So I'm going to put it up here, on my blog. And for the next 30 posts, I'm going to do the meme myself. Because I am a special kinky snowflake.

1. What's your biggest kink?
2. When did you realize this was your "biggest" kink? And how?
3. What's your hardest boundary?
4. When did you realize this is your hardest boundary? And how?
5. What sort of labels, if any, do you use to describe yourself?
6. Do you have any kinky nicknames?
7. When was the first time you used the word "kinky" to describe yourself? How did it feel?
8. Are you "out" to your family? If not, why not?
9. Do you think your upbringing affected your kink in any way? How so?
10. Do you think your kink helps you understand other aspects of your life, your relationships, your personal character?
11. Is it important to you that others understand your kink?
12. Do you wish you were more or less kinky? What does that mean to you?
13. How does your health affect your kink?
14. How close are you to your local kink community?
15. Could you ever be with someone not as kinky as you (whatever that would mean to you)? What about more kinky (again, "more" being however you interpret that to be)?
16. Name a kink you are embarrassed to reveal. Describe the first time you had to reveal it to a partner.
17. When was the first time you ever had to call RED?
18. Is there a kink out there you think is just plain wrong? Ie, scat, animal play, etc? Or do you think anything goes?
19. How easy is it for you to let other people in on your kinks? Are you open, or do you keep it behind closed doors?
20. Have you ever had a scene you wished went longer than it did? Tell us about it.
21. What do you wish some of the other vanilla people in your life knew about you?
22. What do you wish some of the other kinky people in your life knew about you?
23. Name one personal trigger you have. It does not have to be the biggest one, just one you are willing to share.
24. Name a toy you really want to try out.
25. Give us a fantasy of yours you don't think you'll ever try...and tell us why not.
26. What would you be willing to give up for the sake of your kink?
27. What kink would you be willing to give up for the sake of the rest of your life?
28. Tell us about a passion you have in your life which is not kink related.
29. Tell us about a time someone misjudged your kink in a way that made you uncomfortable, or made you think.
30. Tell us which kink you feel most talented to do, and which you think you need more experience.
31. Where and how do you learn most of your kink? TV, online, the kink community, etc?

Oh, and readers? TAG, YOU'RE IT. Go do the meme yourselves. Because we are all of us special kinky snowflakes. 

Kink Meme, Day 29

"Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, slut, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?"

I don't have a title beyond Wife. But Wife in my household encompasses many things, including (but not limited to) professional organizer, secretary, butler, teacher, animal trainer, cook (but not a good cook) and a little too often, maid. I am a great mom, but I could never be a dad; which is fine, because Husband is a great dad (but he could never, in a million years, be a mom).
I am submissive to Husband, but that doesn't mean I don't let my opinions be known loud and clear, especially when it comes to the kids and the running of the household. I would say a vast majority of the time, once I state how I want things to go within the home, the reply I will get is "yes, Wife." Because Husband knows I do my job well, and bows to my better judgement.
This only applies to the running of the household and general daily dealings with the kids, of course. When it comes to "dad" stuff, I leave it up to him. And he has veto power over everything, because let's face it, sometimes he can see things with his clear eyes that I simply can't and he can stop me from making a muck of things before it's too late. But he steps in only when he thinks he has to.
Frankly, it's quite humiliating for me when he has to "help" me do my job of running the house and dealing with the kids. The other week, I had to have him call a teacher and have a talk about one of our kids. I had to ask him to do it because this teacher was obviously not taking my concerns seriously, poo-pooh'ing everything I was saying, and I was left with the distinct impression he was patronizing me because I am a woman. I was right; once Husband called him, the teacher did an about face and suddenly took my original issues very, very seriously.
I knew it wasn't my fault I had to ask for help, this teacher is obviously a sexist individual who couldn't see me as anything but a hysterical mom. But still, I felt like there should have been a way for me to force him to take me seriously, to get him to see me as his equal. But I didn't know how to do that, so I had to ask Husband to step in. In cases like these, I feel like I failed somehow to do my job.
But I know everyone feels like that about their jobs now and then. The job of being Wife and mom is no different.

Kink Meme, Day 28

"How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?"

Generally, the only thing I'm wearing for BDSM play are restrains and welts :)
If I'm feeling playful, I might wear one of my slinky pink nightgowns that drives Husband crazy, and a pair of snug black panties underneath.
If I'm feeling very daring, and it's daytime when Husband does not have time to "deal with" me, I might make sure he knows I'm wearing a garter belt and thigh-high hose, with a pair of translucent blue stretchy panties. This will drive him wild and keep him thinking about me the rest of the day (me, and my translucent blue panties). I'll pay for my daring later, of course...but that's part of the play, too.
But really, it doesn't matter what I'm wearing, the point is the way the clothes are taken off. Who removes them, in what way, how quickly...those are usually the things that help set up the scene.

We don't do cosplay or pony play, and the only thing leather he wears is his belt. We do dress up a bit when we go out to a club, but that's different: that's social, not BDSM play.

Maybe I should look into getting a harem girl costume....

Kink Meme, Day 27

You know, I think I'm beginning to use this Kink Meme as a crutch. No need to think of a pithy post title: it's written in the meme!...Oh no! What will happen when the meme is over and I have think up blog post ideas for myself? Badness, surely!
Can you tell I'm feeling somewhat Snarly? Sarcastic? Snippy? Even a tad bit bitchy?

"Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?"

They don't. The end!
Can't really leave it at that, can I?
I guess my writing, even though it's erotica and BDSM and kinky writing, could also be considered a non-kinky activity. The actual writing part, I mean. Sometimes I'll think up a scene, but I need to figure out the logistics of arms and legs and limbs, and then I'll ask Husband to help me out. Act it out, if you will. So in that way, I guess my major non-kink activity does find its way into the bedroom. But then, my kinks find their way into my writing, so it works both ways.

I knit, so you'd think I'd be better with rope and shibari, but I'm not. I guess I could knit Husband to the bed, but that would be ridiculous. Can you imagine? "Just wait...I've got three more stitches...don't move...."

Okay, this post has run its course. I leave with more Swedish Chef: Miss Piggy looking for her Foo Foo.

Kink Meme Day 26

"What's your opinion on online BDSM play?'

It's completely voluntary and self-discretionary, so what's not to like? How anonymous you are is up to you. What you reveal about your kinks and yourself is up to you. Which people you befriend is up to you. Generally, everything is up to you. You just always have to keep in mind that once you put something out there about yourself, it's out there forever, so you have to be careful.

If by BDSM play you mean, like, acting out a virtual scene or something, then I don't really get that. But I never really "got" phone sex, either, and clearly there are LOTS of people who enjoy that. I think phone sex sounds ridiculous.

Kink Meme Day 25

"How open are you about your kinks?"

Not at all. I have two worlds, the world where my identity is that of parent/community member/"normal" wife/volunteer/hobby-writer/worker, and the world where I am known as sub/SAM wife/kinky woman/writer of erotica specifically. The worlds do not, and cannot, collide.

In my everyday life I am actually thought of as a naive woman. People assume I know nothing about kinks, or anything beyond what you'd see on Leave it to Beaver. They think I'm really like a 1950's wife, ignorant and innocent. If they only knew.

But they never will.

Kink Meme Day 24

Kink Meme still going! Day 24! I don't know about you, but I had shit no idea there could be so many questions about kinks! Counting down to the end here!

"What qualities do you look for in a partner?"

I'm not looking for a partner. I have a partner. A life partner. :)

Husband is task-oriented (meaning: not so good at multi-tasking), meticulous (about everything but the housework), thorough, clever, smart, very funny (that man makes me laugh until I'm crying quite often), very ethical, and just very, very sensible. Common sense is not as common as you would think, and I met a man who has enough for both of us.

He likes to get things his way, but often enough, his way is allowing me my way. He supports me, understands me, listens to me, and pulls me into line when I need him to. He loves me in every way I want and need to be loved. He shows me his love with every kiss on the cheek and every spank on the ass.

He's my Husband, and he's my Dom, and I can't imagine anyone else filling the role the way he does.

Kink Meme, Day 23

"Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?"

If by "changed" you mean "evolved," I guess so. But it would be hard for me to say my interests and perspectives have changed because, and only because, my interest in kink, which is what the question implies. I think I'm constantly evolving my opinions and judgements because that's what people naturally do. If you're asking me if I've gone through a drastic, lifestyle-changing transformation since discovering and accepting my kinks, the answer is no.

I'm always fascinated by other people's lifestyle changes, though. There's a website up, Portraits of Kink, that has a collection of people's stories, and some of them are incredible. You should go check it out.

Kink Meme Day 22

"What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?"

I don't think what's important for a BDSM relationship to stay healthy is all that different from what a so-called "vanilla" relationship needs to stay healthy. You need trust, and understanding, and constant open communication. You need to feel like you have a partner who understands you, and even if s/he doesn't always understand you, s/he will respect you enough to accept what you're trying to convey. The only thing different in a BDSM relationship is that  the needs of the individuals are probably very different from what you would find within a "vanilla" relationship.

On the other hand...how the hell would I know what goes on in a vanilla relationship? I mean, what really goes on behind the scenes? Sometimes I hear things on TV or on the radio, things that I suppose other people take as face-value truth, and I think to myself, what the hell?

Like, last week I was listening to the radio and the hosts of the show were asking listeners to call in and answer a question: if it meant you would lose 30 pounds and keep it off for the rest of your life, would you agree to have sex with your partner everyday for the rest of your life?

All I could think to myself was, why wouldn't I agree to have sex with Husband everyday for the rest of my life? Why would I have to be bribed? Why is this such a big deal?
Which brought up a whole laundry list of other questions: do "vanilla" people not have sex that often? Is it a chore? Do they refuse their spouse/significant other? Do they use sex as a weapon in the relationship? Do they expect some kind of favors for sex? What the hell??

So you see, I can't really assume much about "vanilla" relationships, because I just don't know. But then again, who can really know what goes on behind closed doors of any relationship? Some BDSM relationships are a complete mystery to me, too.

Kink Meme, Day 21

"Favorite BDSM related book."

I don't have a favorite book. I go back to most of my books over and over again, mostly to re-read specific scenes. Sometimes it's just one or two lines of text or dialogue that may haunt me, and I highlight those passages. I know, it's ridiculous.
Some of my latest highlights, and the authors who wrote them:

"I'm going to take possession of all three of your holes today Viv." --Candace Blevins
"I need to take you fast. I need to take you hard...I won't play games and I won't let you change your mind once we've begun." --Grace Samuels
" 'I know you're uncomfortable,' he told her. 'But I think it's a good starting point for us to work through your obvious discomfort with certain aspects of your sexuality. Don't you?' " --Anne O'connell
"I don't think so, sweetheart. I'm through playing things your way. It's my turn to run the show." --Evangeline Anderson
" 'You're going to swallow,' he warned. 'I want you to take it all.' "--Rena Marks
"You have to trust me, girl. I think you don't trust me. I know I haven't had a lot of time together, but I'm being careful. Perhaps you don't see it, but I am." --Annabel Joseph

Jeez, now that I'm writing them down I realize my highlights are almost always the Dom explaining things or giving orders to the sub. I guess that was a real turn-on for me, and I didn't even know it. The things you learn about yourself when putting up a new blog post!

Kink Meme, Day 20

"Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you're curious about/don't understand."

Well, I don't always understand a lot of the jargon. Sometimes when I hit on other sites, blogs, etc., I come across acronyms that I have to look up. Here's a list of the some of the more common acronyms being used (at least, in the groups/sites/blogs I frequent):

BDSM: Bondage/Discipline/Dominance/Submission
D/s: Dominance/submission
SAM: Smart-Ass Masochist (a character in one of my upcoming stories is named Samantha, and she's this type)
SSC: Safe Sane Consensual
RACK: Risk Aware Consensual Kink
TPE or CPE: Total Power Exchange or Complete Power Exchange
TNG: The Next Generation (as in, younger people involved in kink/BDSM who, many believe, have it "easier" today)
OTK: Over The Knee
CB: Chastity Belt
CBT: Cock/Ball Torture
SH: Self Harm
EAC: Erotically Altered Consciousness
TENS: The Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation unit (used in electricity play. Don't ask me, I don't do that)
TV: Transvestite


There are others I come across less frequently, and many I'm still learning. But these are the ones I come across the most.

Kink Meme, Day 19

"Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?"

It has helped me to blossom as a person, as a woman, and as a wife. In my DD (Domestic Discipline) relationship with Husband, I am able to give up control over things that stress me out, things that are simply beyond my handling, things that poison my mood and sets the whole family up for failure. I can focus on my own responses and my own reactions to the things going on within my influence.

The most freeing thing, to me, about being in a DD relationship is that there is no quid-pro-quo. I don't have to worry about coming out right half the time; there is no such thing as "fair." There is no keeping score. There is me giving my all to him, 100 percent of everything I can, all the time. I don't have to worry about how "equal" the relationship is, day to day; it will never be equal, so I can just not bother worrying about it. All I have to think about are the ways my submission keeps him happy and the home running smoothly.

I know it sounds contradictory, but my submission is very freeing. I thrive on it.

And now,  you want to see the new belt Husband got?

See that metal tip at the end? IT HURTS LIKE A SONOFABITCH. He had to paddle me afterwards to make it feel BETTER.

Kink Meme Day 18

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Kink Meme Day 17

First of all, Blogger was down for two days, that's why there was no post yesterday. I have no idea what the hell happened over there at Blogger offices, but I have a feeling some shit hit the fan.

But I am super busy today with writing, writing,writing, so this post is going to be short.

"What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?"

That there is something mentally wrong with us for liking the stuff we do. That men who like to spank and tie up women are necessarily abusers and misogynists; that women who like to be spanked and tied up were abused in their pasts, or grew up with a nasty father or a "funny uncle." That we all need psychological help because of what attracts us and what we enjoy.

Look, I suppose there are people in the BDSM community who do need psychological help, just like there are people all over the spectrum of general society who could benefit from some sort of therapy. But we are not sick in the head because we enjoy BDSM. We all have our likes and dislikes, and some of us are considered more extreme in our needs. But that's okay. We can still all get along, can't we?