Speaking of fair...

...sometimes, it's just not.

I usually head to sleep at night way before Husband does. He's still downstairs watching TV or working on the computer or doing whatever it is he does long after I say goodnight. He makes sure not to wake me when he comes to bed, which I appreciate.

Last night, I was still trying to fall asleep when Husband came up to bed. Now, I take forever and a day to fall asleep. Husband, on the other hand, has no such problems: he can fall asleep instantly. So last night, while I was in a doze but starting to fall into a deep sleep, Husband came into bed, curled up on his side, and promptly started to snore right next to my ear.

I had a few choices at that point: I could have left to sleep somewhere else in the house (both of us often do this, if one of us can't sleep for one reason or another). Or I could have turned over and tried to fall asleep despite his snoring.
I followed neither of these two options. Instead, I pushed him in the shoulder so he would wake up just enough to turn over and stop snoring. He stopped snoring alright: he woke up completely.

"You woke me up," he suddenly said, making me jump in my skin.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to. You were snoring," I said.
"You woke me up," he repeated, furious.
"I'm sorry," I repeated. And I was, but I was also tired and wanted to fall asleep already and didn't understand what his big deal was.
"Damn it!" He said, turned over, punched the pillow, and fell asleep. I, of course, took another hour to fall asleep.

The next morning, I woke first and took a shower. When I got out, I started to brush my teeth. Just as I was finishing up, Husband walked in, making me realize he had planned his entrance to coincide with me leaning over the counter, naked.
"You woke me up," he said, grabbing the hair brush off the counter. I began to stand up and turn around to face him, but he pushed me back down in the small of my back, and held his hand there to keep me still.
"I didn't mean to--"
Whap! The hair brush came down hard on my naked derriere. It smarted like hell.
"Look, I'm sorry--"
Whap!
"I said I'm sorry--"
Whap!
"Ow it hurts--"
Whap!
"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry--"
Whap! 
He kept going until the tears were leaking out of my eyes and I was hanging my head down in misery. When it stopped, I thought he was done, but he took me by the hand and led me back to the bedroom, where he leaned me over the bed and told me to stay still as he grabbed the paddle, perched conveniently nearby.
"It's not fair!" I cried as he began to paddle me, hard. The paddle doesn't sting as much as the brush, but it's wider and can hit a much larger swath of skin. "You were snoring! I wanted to sleep! I didn't mean to wake you up!"
"Well" --smack!--"you did"-- smack!-- "and I don't" --smack!-- "appreciate it." Smack smack smack!
He didn't stop until I was sporting a rosy-red glow across my entire butt, and sniveling like a child. "Next time you'll think twice," he said, and began to dress for the day, ignoring my pouting looks.

So maybe I was wrong to push him a little in his sleep. But maybe it was an honest mistake, one he could have forgiven a little bit faster and nicer.

But things aren't always fair and equal in a DD relationship, and one thing's for sure, I won't be pushing him in his sleep again, no matter how loud he's snoring.