Saturday, June 4, 2011

Weekly Series: Playboy Ads

This week brought to you by Miss June, 1989.

I swear, this issue has some of the weirdest ads I have ever seen. But let's start with the technology of the times, shall we?
You'll notice that this ads talks a lot about price. This is supposed to be the most affordable car compact disc player ever. EVER. It can handle the new, smaller CD-3s directly, it comes in a slide-out version, it's rich and dynamic and gives the automobile upward mobility...and it's AFFORDABLE.

You see any mention anywhere in the ad about how much this thing costs?
Yah, neither do I.
It may be affordable, but I don't think it's free. I think someone in the ad department made a little boo-boo here. Unless they want you to call and ask about the price? But doesn't "call for price quote" usually mean NOT affordable?

 $500 bucks. For a cell phone. That's after the rebate, by the way.

I have no idea why that dollar sign showed up above the text. It just did. Zombie dollar sign, haunting my post! AHHH!

This is where the ads start to just get weird. I'm used to seeing ads in Playboy for radars, cigarettes, cigars, alcohol... but this one surprised me.

As you can see, it's an ad for deodorant. Now, it's men's deodorant, but...still deodorant.
And who the hell thought up this ad?
A tux. Wood panelling. An antique book. And the hair. The HAIR!

On the other hand, I think I just found this guy's long-lost cousin:

Granted, the 1989 playboy ad guy looks better. We're degrading, people.

The ads really start to get strange from this point on. Take this one:

You think the ad is for a car? Nope. An audio system, then? No again. This is an ad...for a poster. A $2.00 poster.

Here's an ad for a toning machine. But...why are these people posed this way? And why is he looking at her like that? This is like one of those "add your own caption" pictures.

"June, you're knee is kind of in my ass. Can you move over a bit?"
"Don't talk to me, Steve. I'm trying to get in character."

And then there's this one, which just absolutely takes the cake.

It's an ad for a cruise. I get it. But are they saying you'll see mermaids on your cruise? That they have mermaids on board the cruise, in their "Aquaventure Complex"? And what's up with the suits? They are obviously not required in order to see the mermaids. But...they're holding briefcases and paperwork. What's the paperwork? Shouldn't it be in the briefcases? Maybe they're giving the mermaid a court summons? Maybe they're proving they have divorce papers so they can find their own mermaids and live happily ever after? I AM SO CONFUSED!!

And so ends this week's ridiculousness. Next week, new ads!

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