Saturday, August 20, 2011


When a couple is in a D/s relationship, it is taken for granted the sub is going to have to relinquish a lot of things to her Dom. Power, control, choices, options, time, money, lifestyle, day-to-day living...a thousand different things in a thousand different ways the sub has to "give up" to her Dom. If she is a true sub, and happy with the arrangement, she will do so willingly.

I think, in our society as a whole, the idea of "giving up" anything is seen as something vile and abhorrent. I just don't know why.

Think about it. Women are told all the time, "you don't have to choose between career and family. You can have it all. You don't have to give anything up." Men are told, "you need to look strong and wealthy and secure at all times. Don't look weak, and don't give up." Children are told, "you can get into whatever college you want, get any job you want, as long as you work hard enough. So don't give up."

We shouldn't have to "give up" on that brand-new car, even if we can't afford it. We shouldn't "give up" our dreams of being a professional sports player, even though we suck. We shouldn't have to "give up" our goal of looking young and beautiful forever, even though we know it's just not possible.

We are made to think "giving up" is weak. "Giving up" is disgraceful. "Giving up" is pathetic. "Giving up" means we weren't good enough.

I don't think this was always the mentality of our society. At many points in history, it was considered honorable to give things up, because it meant you were trying to contribute to the greater good. During the Great Depression, when food was scarce, families shared resources to help each other out. During WWII, women gave up their jewelry to help make artillery. Until fairly recently, giving up unnecessary things was considered good for your character, good for the community, and good for America.

Now all that's changed. If you give up your career to raise your kids, you're anti-feminist. If you try to live within your means, you're called "unAmerican" by Republican politicians. (Which explains the economic horrors going on in our country right there, folks.) If you give up on some impossible dreams and reach instead for attainable ones, you're a failure.

There is no way to put a positive spin on "giving up" anymore. I think it's a shame.

My life, at this point, is all about giving things up so that this house runs smoothly and this family is a happy one. I give up my "rights" and many of my choices to Husband, who wields authority with respect and care. And don't be fooled: he gave things up when he married me, too. When I relinquished my "rights" by becoming his wife and sub, he relinquished his right to do anything that might jeopardize his role as Husband and Dom. I know his responsibilities wear on him. This lifestyle we have is not always rainbows and marshmallows for him, either. It's a heavy burden to bear.

But we "give up" the things we do because it's not a sign of weakness or inferiority. It's beautiful. It gives us power to do things we thought were beyond us. We are constantly reaching new heights, him as a Dom, me as a sub, us as a couple, and we as a family. We are more powerful and more secure because of the things He, and I, are willing to "give up."

Giving up is a wonderful thing. I only wish I could get more people to realize that.

1 comment:

  1. What an insightful post. I so agree. I have given up my total indepence and in return I get to share my life with Him. It was a giving up that has bought me far more than I ever could have had on my own.