BDSM: Can We Add Some New Words to the Acronym?

Maybe it's just me, but when I think of Sadism/Masochism, I think of physical pain. I think of chains, whips, floggers, clamps, and a big 'ole St. Andrew's Cross. I think of welts, bruises, and sometimes, blood.

But that's just the physical. There's a whole other facet to BDSM: the psychological. The emotional. What's going on in the sub's (and Dom's) head, especially during a scene, to set the perimeters of what's to come. Really, how the Dom uses psychological means to further dominate his sub.

That's why I wish we could add two more letters to that Acronym, something to the effect of:
H humiliation
A adulation

Humiliation would include actions and words that embarrass, demean, and subjugate the sub. Things that serve to "put her in her place." It would also include demands and demonstrations that further enforce her lower status, things she would obviously not normally agree to do.
Adulation would include anything that makes the sub feel cherished, "worthy" of her Dom and anything he requires her to submit to.

I get the feeling a lot of Doms get off on the humiliation techniques. In BDSM fiction, it's everywhere. Scenes filled with women being forced to eat from dog bowls, pee on the floor and then clean it up (usually naked), go to a public place and degrade herself somehow...and the thing is, a lot of women really get off on it. They love to read about subs getting mentally kicked to the curb. In real life, these women often enjoy being called slut, or whore, and forced to do things that will remind them of their lower status. It really creams their panties.

The flip side would be the Dom who brings the sub up, who wants her to submit to his requirements because those demands are for her own good. It's words of approval, of adoration, and merit; it's the expectation that the sub will obey beautifully, pleasure wholly, and submit completely, because she is capable of nothing less.

Husband definitely uses the Adulation technique with me much more often than humiliation. He tells me how beautiful I am, how proud he is to be my Husband, how he's the luckiest man in the world. When he calls me a slut, he uses it like a term of endearment: "I am so lucky to have a slutty wife like you." I know Molly's husband calls her "Slutmine," and I think it's beautiful; I'm sure she thinks so, too.

But when I feel humiliated, I get angry. It's not a turn-on for me; it's the exact opposite. Sometimes I think one of the main reasons I am a Smart-Assed Masochist wife is because I find it very humiliating to have to ask for a spanking or a punishment. I'd much rather mouth-off, and give Husband a reason to punish me, than treat it like he's doing me a favor I need to beg for, like a child begging for candy.

Sometimes, he uses humiliation just to raise my level of defiance, to make a scene last longer. It always works, because I hate to give in. I see his demand of a demonstration of my submission as too much--even if's the utterance of a single word. In these cases, context is everything; and that man really knows how to push my buttons.

Of course, after being married for fifteen years, he also knows when I know he's setting me up for a show of defiance just to liven things up, and when he's crossed the line and hurt me emotionally. Then he knows he has to work fast, cause I don't just get mad, I get even.

I realize a lot of people will not agree with things I've said here. I also know some people look at the relationship I have with Husband and think we're somehow doing it "wrong." If our techniques don't work for you, if they're not the same techniques you use to keep you and your partner happy, then that's fine. There are a lot of ranges and extremes out there. And if there's one thing I've learned about BDSM, there's always more fun stuff to try.