Tuesday, September 20, 2011

I'm Probably Going to Piss Off Some People...

In real life, I walk in weird circles. I have friends who are ultra-religious, who cover every inch of their skin save for hands and face, who don't even know any basic sex vocabulary. I have friends who are what society would probably call normal, meaning that while they don't appear to engage in anything overly kinky, they are at least aware of what goes on in the world and aren't completely ignorant. Then I have friends who engage in play I would consider too extreme for myself, and the only reason I know what they do is because they know...well, let's just say they know I'm not as innocent as I look. 

We all have our own levels of comfort in the ways we regard sex. We all have our own definitions of kink. 
I think that's great. I think, as long as everyone involved is in a comfortable place within the paradigm, then whatever kind of play they engage in should be left up to them, and not judged in any way. They should feel comfortable doing their own thing, having fun, and going at whatever pace they want. I certainly don't want to be judged for what Husband and I choose to do; I try as much as I can not to judge others. (Of course I do judge; I'm human. Humans judge others. But I try not to.)

This is why I am sometimes taken aback when I get an email asking advice, or guidance, or just some basic information, and the letter takes an apologetic tone. Like they are sorry they don't know the answer to their question already, or feel bad for feeling squicky about trying something new, or embarrassed they aren't as "kinky" as others (like me, I guess).

So, to those people, I want to say: 

You think I'm kinky? Believe me, I am pure ultra-fine vanilla compared to others out there. Kink is a relative term--and if you think you've found the absolute extreme edge of kinkiness, let me tell you, you have not. No matter how extreme you think someone is, there is always going to be someone else out there pushing the boundary lines even further. Because there are no boundary lines with kink, beyond those of consent. 
So if you and your partner are happy with where you are, if you feel like your needs are being met and your opinions are being respected, then don't feel like you have to push beyond what you want or what you're ready for, simply because you have to fit someone else's label or definition of "kink." The only people whose opinions should matter are yours and your partner(s). That's it. 

You know what does bother me, though? People who purposefully keep themselves ignorant, and yet still judge. If you're not going to watch t.v. because it's "unwholesome," if you're not going to go online because it's a "pit of bad influence," if you're not going to expose yourself to anything new because you equate being informed with being corrupted, then stop spouting off your ridiculous opinions on me like it's God's holy truth and shut the fuck up. You're not being uplifted because of your ignorance. You're just being stupid.

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