Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Advice about Anal Sex from an Anal Slut

I caught the tail end (the butt end?) of a discussion on twitter yesterday about how to introduce anal sex into a couple's repertoire.  While I've been a self-proclaimed anal slut for years now, and am perfectly comfortable with the label, I do remember back when I was first getting started and facing the same fears and anxieties other women are still facing today. So these are my little bits of wisdom, many of which I wish someone had told me. I now pass them on to you lovely readers.
(The pictures, however, are probably completely unnecessary. I just love looking at them.)
1. When it comes to anal sex, the first barrier that must be broken down is the psychological one. If a woman is squeamish about things going into her ass, or even touching her asshole, she is going to have a hard time picturing herself enjoying anal sex.
Possible solutions: get some porn videos that include a lot of anal--the ones that focus on anal sex will usually give a hint to that fact in the title. There are even porn videos out there that work like a "how to" guide for anal sex. Watch them as a couple, together. Talk about them.
The guy should be very verbal about how much the idea of putting things (not just cock) into his lovely woman's ass turns him on. He should also tell her, over and over, how much he loves her asshole in general, how much it excites him, how he sees it as something sexy, provocative, and adorable. A woman sees her asshole as something dirty; he must get her to see it his way.
Once a woman is open to the idea of something, anything, going into her ass as part of sexual play, with the right mindset and enough time the rest will happen on its own. But remember: once you claim the privilege of filling the asshole, you must also take on the responsibility of keeping it safe and feeling good!

2. The asshole is not like a pussy: it is naturally dry, and stays dry. In any kind of sex, dryness can lead to pain, and small tears in the skin; not sexy, and not what you want for that cute, adorable asshole you want to violate.
Solution: LUBE. The lube must be coated liberally on whatever is about to be pressed into the asshole. In addition, it also helps if lube can be inserted into and around the asshole directly; a finger does this job nicely. Be gentle!

3. The asshole does not stretch as fast as a pussy. The skin is more fragile and tight.
Solution: stretch it slowly. The tightest part of the asshole is the internal sphincter itself; once you are past that, smooth toys will slip through easily. In fact, the body's natural reaction is to suck things in! Start with a pencil-thin anal toy, then gradually get wider. What's important here is not length, it's width; so don't bother getting a toy that's 7-9 inches long, because it won't make a difference. All that matters is dilating that internal ring of muscle. And again, lube is important. The asshole will stretch much faster if you're using enough lube. But once a toy feels comfortably in place, there's no point leaving it; you might as well take a break, or move on to a bigger size. No point leaving it in for hours at a time. In fact, if the lube gets absorbed naturally by the tissues, the toy will begin to hurt, and you won't understand why and will frighten yourself for no reason.
4. The asshole is more sensitive than the pussy. Note: I don't know if this is true for all women. I do think it's true for most anal sluts. Pain is more pronounced, but then again, so is pleasure. Every stroke and slide that hits the nerve endings just so is like a stab of pure ecstasy. But angle things the wrong way, and it's like lemon juice on a paper cut.
Solution: Go slow...and I'm sorry, but--expect some pain. If you accept that this process will take time, that there will be some discomfort, some aching, and yes, some stinging along the way, but that your partner is only trying to figure out what pleases you and is doing his best to hurt you as little as possible, then the whole "introductory" time should go a lot faster. Remember, stretching the internal sphincter is the hardest part--and the most painful. Once that's done, the pain should lessen.
Once you've had anal sex a few times, you can anticipate how bad the initial pain will be, and prepare yourself for it. And--if you get off on the pain--you'll start to look forward to it; it becomes part of the thrill. But the initial pain never really goes away. You just come to know what to expect.

5. There's only one position for anal sex: doggie style.
Solution: OH HELL NO. No, no no. Any position you can have vaginal sex in, you can have anal sex; in fact, some positions are easier when you're having anal sex!
Sometimes the weight of the man on top feels amazing.

He can watch her play with herself this way.

This position gives her more control.

This picture is completely gratuitous. 

Some advice:

  • Once a woman is ready to try (operative word being "try") something up her ass, do NOT move directly on to cock. Try a finger first, and slowly move on to two; and when she likes (not tolerates, but likes) that, move on to a narrow toy, preferably one that vibrates. Only when she feels very, very comfortable having other things up her ass should you move on to cock. It may help if you give her more control over what's in her ass in the beginning; turn it into a show. 
  • Anal toys are not like vaginal toys. They have a wider handle at the end to prevent the toy from being sucked up the ass. If you are using a regular dildo or vibrator inside the ass, for god's sake, hang onto it tight and don't lose it up there. The last thing you need is a trip to the ER because you lost track of a sex toy somewhere up your intestine.
  • This is not a "vaginal or anal" scenario. You can have a toy in her ass, and your cock in her pussy; or you can have a toy in her pussy, and your cock in her ass. Or you can move your cock from her pussy to her ass, if she's lubed up enough. But--and this is a big but--DO NOT go from ass to pussy. Not with cock, and not with toys. This can lead to bacteria entering the vagina, which can cause infection. Anything that has been in the ass must be washed before it can be reintroduced to the pussy, or her poor pussy may end up feeling something like this:
  • When poking something into the ass for the first time, use a blunt tip. If it's a finger, don't poke it straight in; use the finger pad to press it in first. Seduce the asshole into relaxing, and opening a bit on it's own; then press your point home. You'll see the difference, and she'll feel the difference.
  • If the asshole constricts, do not pull out. Do not move while the asshole is constricting involuntarily. Wait, let the spasm pass, and then ask her what she would like you to do. Sometimes she will tell you to get out immediately--and sometimes she will tell you to continue. But if you try to pull out while she's all tight back there, you'll only hurt her. (Which may be the point later on, but not right now.)
  • Once you both get a feel for what works for both of you, you can incorporate the pain into the act itself. You can tie her up, and have fun stretching her a little faster than what she's used to; or you can cuff her down, and enter her fast from behind. The possibilities are fun and endless.
So have fun, and good luck! I hope this post was of some use to you. If there's any question still lingering, don't hesitate to contact me in the comments section or via twitter, and I'll do my best to answer it.


  1. Thank you Shelby! I've been trying to convince Sir to get me a butt plug, saying it would help with stretching.

  2. Fantastic!!!! Wish I could have read this when we were contemplating anal for the first time

  3. @PaperMirai a butt plug is a great way to start!! Like they say in cooking: you need the right tools for the right job. There's no reason to just get one, either. Get one that vibrates, one that doesn't, one textured...
    @Raven Thank you! But it's not too late to find new ways to play. :)

  4. This is a great post on a subject that I have many woman are curious about but don't really know who to turn for some honest helpful answer.

    I love the way you have written it, the quality information peppered with humour.


  5. Thank you Molly xxx
    Sometimes I forget that what is quite normal to me is something new and completely frightening to others.
    I'm thinking everyone who has a specific kink/fetish they enjoy, and also has a blog, should do one post explaining the ins and outs of their kink/fetish. Then we should link all of them together as some kind of collection. What say you?

  6. Shelby, Great explanations and awesome photos. :) yay butts!

    :) Sadey

  7. Ohhh I like this idea.... email on it's way to you later today!


  8. Fantastic post! Very, very helpful. I will probably be linking to it at some point if that's all right with you?

  9. That would be fine with me. Glad to help!

  10. Very helpful and well written, thanks! :)

  11. Anal sex is new to me, I don’t know if I can do it or if I have already done it to my woman.

    -Ryan| sex toys Philippines

    1. You don't know if you "have already done it"?

  12. Shelby,
    My wife and I love to try new things and I had no idea that she was as kinky as I am (I am the real slut)! She loves anal, and I love doing it with her, but I would really like for her to grab my cock and put it in her ass, or get on top of me and put it in her, because she was wanting it and it was her idea, sometimes. I don't like being the one who... pursues it every time. How would I solve this problem? -Till

  13. Shelby,
    My wife and I love to try new things and I had no idea that she was as kinky as I am (I am the real slut)! She loves anal, and I love doing it with her, but I would really like for her to grab my cock and put it in her ass, or get on top of me and put it in her, because she was wanting it and it was her idea, sometimes. I don't like being the one who... pursues it every time. How would I solve this problem? -Till

  14. Shelby,

    I'm 60 and my wife is 36.
    We've been married just over 5 years and have been having anal sex for the last 3.5.

    She likes anal so much that I'e fucked her ass FAR more than her pussy. In fact, she only wants her pussy fucked once or twice a month immediately after her period. Which is fine by me, I prefer her nice tight ass anyway.

    I even have her permission to fuck her ass while she sleeps. So, I get to fuck her ass almost every night. about the only time I don't is when I am ill or simply too tired to ride her ass.

    We have found that the more I fuck her ass, the less lubricant she needs. Honest. In fact, her ass is so well-fucked that most of the time the only lubricant we need is the pre-cum on my cock. Once that is there, i can slide into her ass as easily as her pussy without any other lubricant.

    Any idea why this is so?


    1. Because she has amazing control over her asshole.

  15. Hi Shelby,

    Hoe you're feeling better.

    You could be right. But we have noticed that entry is not as easy if her ass isn't fucked for 3-4 days. If we go much longer than 6-7 days (a VERY rare occurrence)we need lube again. Unless, of course, I'm so revved up that my re-cum has me nice and wet.

    So, my best guess is that the more it gets fucked, the easier it is to fuck it.

    You and your more adventurous anal slut readers could try an experiment to see if it just her or not.

    Get your ass fucked every day after a few days, see if you need any lube other Husband's pre-cum.

    If you still need lube after two weeks, it is probably just her.

    No matter how the experiment turns out, I can almost guarantee Husband and other male participant's will be VERY glad you tried the experiment.


  16. Thank u for ur help, my boy fren we follow all the step and it add more joy in our sex life.

  17. i like your site, very unique and best i would recommend visitors to visit this site too for more anal sex videos and info

  18. Thanks Shelby, I am sure these guidelines about anal sex will help people who are looking to enjoy this in near future.

  19. Gosh. It's amazing the things I didn't know when I was 19 & lost my anal virginity! Obviously way less internet access 20 years ago! We just went for it, with some hand lotion! And man did he fuck my ass and did I scream! And wow did I come. Not the best way to break a girl in that's for sure but we didn't know any better. He didn't even finger my ass 1st just broke through my sphincter with the head of his cock!
    How lucky we are, in these times that we have info like this at our finger tips. Thanks Shelby

  20. Thank you shelby, great advice about anal sex, can't wait to try some of this out...

  21. Sweet. I use one of these anal toys on my wife and she loves it.

  22. Fuming any assistance is dumb what is pussy for.

  23. Hi shelby
    Just a few questions.
    1. I like it, only had finger n tip of penis in my arse but why does it feel so good?
    2, It was my partner who initiated it first I just went along but does this mean he has fantasised about putting his dick up my arse?
    3, does this make him gay? This was his concern about what others would say about him if they knew.
    4, is there something wrong with me to like it?
    It feel strange but good in a strange way lol
    4, is it something I'm not doing that he seems to be wanting to try something I never thought he would? Something so entirely different?
    5, when you say it hurts, on a scale of 1-10 lol how much? 1 being somebody that has given birth to 4 children, 1 of my bundle of joys were a whopping 9lb 9oz with no drugs?lol

    Guess what!! I've just realised that who ever is reading this are most probably thinking exactly the same as I am now lol... four kids one almost being born at 10lbs lol no wonder he wanna stick it up her arse... Think I've just answered my own questions lol...

    It is me.... I like it cuz he like it... he probably likes it cuz he knows I like it and no it doesn't make him gay, he's just innocently looking for something much much tighter haha...

    Well that's a tad embarrissing ����

    I suppose I should be greatful he's not left me yet cuz I know I'm not the same person as I use to be and that makes me unhappy, cuz it's hard for me to see him see any different to how I see myself... How did you gain your confidence? Having four kids, the two youngest his I've gained about 5stone in 5yrs... I hate feeling n looking horrible for him but I can't seem to find my inner goddess no matter how hard I try... So please any advice that would help me bring my sexy back would be very appreciated. Thank you ��

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