Too Fucking Far

Tiptoeing through the internets the other day, I came across a blog post from a blog written by a sub in a D/s, DD household. This household included, from what I understood, her, her Master, and a couple house slaves that (if I understood correctly) somehow had a lower status than her in the hierarchy of the house, but were obviously treated better than she was.

In this particular post, this sub went on to describe something her Master did to her that was so extreme, so shocking, I don't even want to link to the post. I don't want to give her that added traffic to her blog (however minor it is). It was dangerous, life threatening, and in my opinion, stupid beyond belief. It was something that I thought to myself, if this Dom cared one iota for this girl, he would NEVER, EVER do this to her. He would never let this be done to her under any circumstances. He should have known, on his own, that this was on the other side of the line that should NEVER GET CROSSED.

And yet, it was clear from the blog post that the sub was not engaging in this task because she had been requested to by anyone. Her Master was not the one prompting and nudging her to put her life at risk. She was the one initiating this: she had begged him to do this to her. She was ecstatic he had finally agreed.

People who enjoy BDSM always dance with risk. There's even a word for it, RACK, that stands for "risk aware (or accepted) consensual kink." People understand that engaging in these kinds of activities always includes the chance that someone might get hurt worse than they wanted or expected, and that no matter how carefully you plan and try to maintain control over the situation, accidents happen. By consenting to the activity anyway, you are agreeing to handle the unforeseen consequences of what may happen. You are taking responsibility over your own decisions.

It's easy to think the risk you consent to is completely reasonable and acceptable. Seeing the kinds of risks other people agree to is more tricky.
Many times, when I hear/read about the kinds of "play" other people engage in, I think to myself, "that sounds more extreme than what I'm used to, and so hot. I'd love to try that..." Then there are the times I think, "I'm not aroused by this, but I can understand why someone else would be. It is hot--just not for me."
And then there are the times I think, "that is kinky, but dangerous. I'm sure those people find it totally titillating, but for me, I think it goes too far. It doesn't turn me on, it just fills me with fear."

But see, even in those circumstances, I can understand that if everyone engaging in the "play" has the right training, the right experience--if they know what to do if things get out of hand, and they accept all the risk involved--I can see how it totally turns them on. For some, the greater the risk, the greater the pleasure. And who am I to say, "this is not okay"?

But when does this line of thinking go too far?

When does risk become too much risk, not just for me or you, but for anyone? When is it okay to step in and say, "I don't think you should be doing this"? When is it acceptable to go from "this is not for me" to "this should not be for anyone"? When is it okay to judge? And when does it become an obligation?

We are weary of placing our own judgments on others, because we don't want others judging us. But doesn't this lead to the mentality that anything goes? Isn't there anything we can feel safe saying not just to ourselves, but out loud, "this goes too fucking far," and not having a bunch of people jump down our throats for being narrow-minded and judgemental?

I don't have any answers here. I can't wrap up this post with a pretty ending. I don't know if it's acceptable, or even safe, to draw a proverbial line in the sand, and if it is, I don't think the person doing it should be me. But if you've ever wrestled with this, the uncomfortable notion that something is going too fucking far and you're just too afraid to say so, I'd love to hear from you.