Friday, March 16, 2012

Tumblr Photoshop Disasters

First of all, some writing news: Tales from the Hotel Bentmoore: The Complete Collection, freshly edited and sporting a brand new cover, is now available in print. The easiest way to buy it is to get it off of Amazon; just click on the yonder link on the right if you're interested. Masters of the Hotel Bentmoore: The Complete Collection should be available soon, both digitally and in print. And, of course, I'm working on The Taming of Red Riding and The Edge of Jasmine apace. In other words, I am busy.

But I thought I'd keep things humorous today. I don't know about you, but when I have a couple free minutes when I need to unwind but I don't want to physically walk away from the computer, I turn to Tumblr. It's an easy way to get your mind distracted, and focused on more titillating things. Like tits. Titillating tits. Yes, I can think like a pubescent boy sometimes.

Tumblr pics are awesome--most of the time. But sometimes, let's face it, they can look pretty fuckin' fake. And sometimes the photoshop jobs can be downright scary.
So today I bring you some of my favorite Tumblr photoshop disasters, so you can revel in the horror right along with me. Ready? Go!

This pic right here caught my eye because I can't tell if this is the image and form of a woman or a doll. Seriously, the waist is too narrow, the boobs too stiff, there isn't a line on her...and take a look at the hand. There's no way that's real. I think this is a wax model. Also, why does it look like the skirt fits perfectly around her thigh?

This picture makes me cringe every time I see it. Look at how unnatural the hands are. They look like prosthetics, and bad ones at that. The legs look bad, too. Almost like they're backwards. Or maybe the whole body is backwards! Ack!

She looks sexy, no? Mysterious. Intriguing. So who cares if her waist looks a leetle too sunken in? It's okay. I mean, she might technically be a freak of nature, right? Am I right?
Which would totally explain why her arm is coming out from her chest. And why a leg seems to be stretching up next to her, even when both feet are flat on the floor!
Wait, what is she doing with her legs?? There's one bent that way...and one bent that that way...what the hell is going on here! Too much mystery!

I gotta tell you, this one cracks me the fuck up. It's very obvious what happened: in the original pic, she was supposed to be holding on to his well-sized cock. Only There was probably an argument on the floor about how big it should be, or at what angle it should stick, and...well, they cut the damn thing out (or off) (tee hee) and, um, gee...forgot to put it back. So now she's got her fingers around...nothing.
Like we wouldn't notice?

Again, this image is suffering from doll-disease. There is no WAY this was ever an actual, live woman. Unless they dislocated her hips and broke her back, in which case...I hope she had herself some really great health insurance benefits.

And now, the image that leaves them all in the dirt, I give you:
I know, I know, woman draped over man's knee, sexy as all hell, blah blah blah. Now cast your eyes away from the blushing butt and take a look at the guy, and...OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON BACK THERE??
Is that a hip? Is there a NIPPLE on his HIP? But if it's not a hip, if it's his chest, then for the love of God, WHERE IS THE REST OF HIM? It hurts to look at this pic now, doesn't it? It hurts. Make it go away.

So that's it for today. Hope I didn't shock your eyes too much. Just remember: Tumblr is great, but it's only for entertainment! Real women have bumps, and lines, and curves, and slopes. We are real. We don't look like dolls, but then again, we don't fuck like dolls, either. We fuck a whole lot better!


  1. Okay, the first and fifth pics I BET are Real Dolls. They're very anatomically realistic for a reason, and it would be easy to use them in pics in place of a person. Real Dolls can be posed in any inhuman position you can think of. LOL

    As for the last pic, I can see what they did. He's bending over her, toward her head. It would look natural if they showed the whole pic. That is his chest, leaning forward. In the pic you can only see his right leg, the left is cropped out.

  2. @Jen I would agree with you on the last one, except that his other nipple seems to be gone, too. And/or his chest is angled really, really wrong--like, "I have a broken back" wrong. Also, where is his other leg??

  3. The other nipple is covered up by the skirt, or at least by the shadows created by the skirt. His back, like I said, is angled because he's leaning way over her, toward her head. His other leg got completely cropped out. It's easy to crop out too much.