Saturday, July 14, 2012

Why I Not Seeing The Amazing Spider Man Today

Stage One, ages 0-2: Movies? What are movies? I have a baby to take care of, I don't have time to watch a movie in my own house, much less go to a real, honest-to-god theater.

Stage Two, ages 2-4: Yeah, I can get a babysitter once in a while to go see a movie, but the babysitter's so expensive, it's not really worth it.

Stage Three, ages 4-7: I'm stuck going to see all these moralistic rainbow-happy-smiley-rated G movies with my kid. But it's okay, at least I get out of the house, and we can do something together that doesn't involve me telling him to keep his hands to himself and out of his nose. (Nobody will see if he picks his nose in the movie theater, anyway.)

Stage Four, ages 7-10: These Pixar films are pretty cool. And some of these Disney movies actually have a plot. Nice! But I'd still rather be watching Brad Pitt.

Stage Five, ages 10-14: actually want to see this movie? But so do I! Awesome! My kid wants to see the same movies I do! We can do some bonding and shit.

Stage Six, ages 14-16: Ew, you want to see what movie? That's gross. I don't know....What do you mean you didn't want to see it with me anyway! How would I embarrass you in front of your friends? What, you think after that comment, I'm just going to hand you a twenty?...Fine, here.

Stage Seven, ages 16-foreverafter: Please see a movie with me? Please? I'll pay you.

I am currently in stage six with my 14 year old. My twelve year old never liked the same movies I do, and can no longer be bribed with popcorn. I am holding at hope for the 4 year old, but I know my time is running out.


  1. I know my time is running out as well. But my six y/o never even wants to go sit through a real movie. He will do movie night, so that's cool. :)

  2. I'm in stage seven and stage six and with my autistic angel who is 11 somewhere between the stage three and four.Most of the time I have only popcorn for the company:)Keep writing.

  3. Im between stage 5 and 6 with my 2 @11 and 14... it depends on the movie.

  4. And here I thought nobody would comment cause the post wasn't about kink! Lol. Yeah, I agree, it depends on the kid and the movie. But I STILL have not had a chance to see the new Spiderman movie. I think I'm going to end up on my own, since none of my friends want to see it, either. :(

  5. Mrs. AP and I have similar issues. The 14 year old doesn't want to see most of the movies we do, and the 7 and 6 year olds aren't of appropriate audience. Sometimes, when we're lucky and he's home, the 14 year old can play babysitter and we can get out together. Sometimes.

    Stay SINful
    Mr. AP

  6. Husband doesn't like to see movies in movie theaters. His philosophy is, our time out of the house alone together is so precious, he doesn't want to spend it looking at a bigger screen than one we have at our house. He wants to spend it engaging each other.
    Also, Mr. AP, thanks for all the comments you've left!