Personal Shopper

Me: Shit, I forgot to go to the supermarket.
Husband: Make me a list and I'll go.
Me: No, it's okay. I need to get stuff you won't want to get.
Husband: Oh? Like what?
Me: Like tampons. You won't want to pick up tampons.
Husband: I don't mind.
Me: Oh, really? You used to mind.
Husband: Yeah, but then I figured, it's not like anyone's going to think I'm buying them for me. I mean, the worst they can think is that I'm buying them for someone I'm going to fuck.
Me: Why would they think it's for someone you're going to fuck?
Husband: Well I'm damn well not going to buy tampons for a woman who's not going to fuck me.
Me: I see...okay, what about a bra and panties? Would you be willing to buy me a bra and panties?
Husband: Absolutely. I'd walk into a Victoria's Secret, and make it very clear I'm buying that stuff for my wife, who is going to fuck me. But I wouldn't call it underwear. I'd call it lingerie, cause that sounds sexier.
Me: Okay...so what wouldn't you be willing to buy me?
Husband: A dildo.
Me: A dildo?
Husband: Yeah. That's something you just have pick out and buy for yourself.

And this, dear readers, is how I end up buying all my own dildos and vibrators. Which is not a bad thing; it means everything we own, I like. :)