A Dom By Any Other Name

Yesterday I had a tough night. I wasn't feeling well, I hadn't gotten enough done, I knew I was pushing off so much stuff there would be no way for me to get it all done today, either (and there is not), middle child was being grumpy, and the six-year-old was being, well, six. Husband was trying his best to be helpful, taking Youngest off my hands for me and offering to make dinner.

But what really helped me the most? He stayed close by my side. He hovered by me, never too far away, and when I went upstairs for one thing or another, he would only wait for a couple minutes before coming up after me. He would make it look like he was just coming up to give me a kiss on the forehead, or a pinch on the leg, or a smack on the rump. And all that was true, but he was also coming up to check on me, to see for his own eyes I was okay.

And when I needed a touch of reassurance, a smidgen of support, I would lean my forehead against his chest, or lightly kiss his cheek. He would hold me for an instant, or rub my back, and as far as I was concerned, everything would be better.

Later, I thanked him for his help.
He looked at me with a tilt of his head, confused. "What did I do?" He asked.
"You were supportive," I said. "You braced me up."
"What do you mean?"
"Every time I felt like things were getting out of control, you were there. You made me feel better."
"Well, you're welcome," he said. "But I don't think I did anything."

It made me realize once again how there are so many little things that set apart men who wish they could be Doms, and men who are real Doms--real men of authority, power, strength, and influence.

• A Dom does not need to make a conscious decision to act as a pillar of strength and stability for his sub. He just is.
• A Dom does not need to decide to control his temper and keep his emotions under check. He just does.
• A Dom does not need to remind himself to watch out for his sub, and make sure she is well under his care. He does it no matter what.
• A Dom does not have to debate if it's right for him to step in and help his sub. He knows.

There are some men who want to earn the title of Dom, and think there's a magic checklist they need to go through, like getting a degree or certificate of completion, and once they've done all that, they can call themselves Dom. 

But other men, men like my Husband, were bestowed the title of Dom because of who they are. The qualities in character they possess are innate, intuitive, they make up the fabric of their personalities. These men are not aspiring to be what others have told them to be, in order to fill a specific role; they are the role, they are the example of what other young men should aspire to become.

I'm tempted to say you either got it or you don't. But I'm not willing to go that far; I do think people can change their ways, change their personalities. I guess I'm a prime example. But I do feel lucky to have come under the care of a man like Husband, who frankly, doesn't care one whit what honorary title I bestow upon him, so long as I love him with the same reverence and respect he deserves.

And that, dear readers, is the mark of a true Dom.