Friday, December 21, 2012

Playboy Ads Post

It's been a long fucking time since I did one of these Playboy Ads post, so let me bring you up to speed:
When Husband and I were first married, we were on a tight budget, so we bought most of our furniture and housewares used. Every weekend, we would scour the neighborhood, looking for yard sales that seemed promising. Even after we didn't need anything in particular anymore, we still would often stop at the larger and busier yard sales, just for the fun of it. I don't know how many of you have ever stopped at a yard sale, but it can be really fun. You find amazing shit that other people have been storing in their attics or garages for years and don't want anymore.

One day I just happened to be walking down the street, and passes a small yard sale. There were only a few items out, some books, some kitchen supplies...and this big tupperware container. I looked inside, and lo and behold, it was full of PLAYBOY MAGAZINES.

The guy was a little surprised by my interest, but I, the good wife, knew Husband would be forever grateful if I bought these magazines for him. They were being sold by the issue.
"How much for the whole collection?" I asked.
The guy's eyes grew round, as he was clearly thrown off by the question, coming from a young woman. "Ten bucks," he said.
To this day, I wonder if he's still kicking himself for selling the whole collection for a measly ten.
I still look at these Playboy magazines now and then, but not for the pictures. (Or should I say, not just for the pictures.) I pull them out and admire the ads.
Because the ads, people...the ads.

This post is brought to you by March, 1991:
Oh Stephanie Seymour, your beauty is timeless.
The first thing you'll notice is that the magazine is (still) full of ads like this
and this
When did those ads stop running, anyway? Mmm, I'll have to go through a 1995 mag, and see if the ads are still in there. Certainly, by the time mp3s came along, the ads were doomed. But I don't know exactly when that was.
This ad cracks me up
But makes me feel old at the same time. I remember when Star Trek TNG was new. Now it's...quaint. That ship has sailed so far around the world, we're right back where we started, and now a new movie of the old crew is coming out soon, and Will Wheaton's big claim to fame is collating paper for The Bloggess.
Moving on.
Joe Montana was selling shoes. I'm sorry, but I really don't see the difference between March, 1991 shoes and shoes sold today. I know those people waiting in line for four hours for a chance to buy the new Air Jordans would disagree with me, but I personally don't get it.
If any of my readers still own this car, please send me a photo. I think the only word to describe it is "nifty."
"A diamond is forever. Thank God these haircuts are not. Look! Even our sweaters are the same! We are so compatible."
It's not just the old technology here I could mock, it's the language. "Pronounced" Advantage? As in, not really pronounced...just kinda pronounced. Pseudo-pronounced.
I wish I could go back in time and send this to the 1991 version of Unnecessary Quotation Marks...if there was one. Probably not.
All Playboy Mags are full of ads for other Playboy products, but this one caught my eye because the video was also made by The Sharper Image. Do you guys remember The Sharper Image? That was my favorite store. It was so cool.
It's not cool to say cool anymore, is it? Well I don't give a fuck. That store was wicked cool, full of wicked awesome things, and all of them were 100% pervertable.
This ad is for a DAT, or "digital audio tape," Walkman. Apparently it's big claim to fame was the ability to record CDs to cassettes. After you get over the shock of the old technology, take a look at the prices: The Walkman is $850 dollars. The car stereo system under it is $1800. The Digital Audio Recording System under that is $5000, and the remote is another $1000.
A remote. For $1000 bucks. Now you can just program your phone.
This is the first ad I've ever seen in Playboy that's showcasing a picture for sale. It's a Milton Glaser print, and according to the ad, this edition was limited to 375 copies, each one numbered and signed. On eBay, Milton Glaser prints sell anywhere from $100 to $350, certainly not the $500 dollars this ad was asking for. On the other hand, this one is signed, so who knows. Maybe by now, the buyers are feeling like they got their money's worth. Hopefully.
And now...the ad for the product I wish they were still selling today (or maybe they are, and I just don't know it. I'm frankly too lazy to check at this point)...drum roll please...
Is this sword not totally fucking cool? It's totally fucking cool. Get in my toy bag, sword!

So there you have it. Another Playboy Ad Post come and gone. (Am I the only one who wants to giggle every time I have to use the word "come" in a sentence?) Hopefully I won't wait so long to do another one. Then again, I do have a limited supply. It was only one container, after all.


  1. I have a box full of Playboy magazines upstairs, some from the 60s and 70s, most from the late 80s to the late 90s. I should go through them!

  2. I have a full collection of the first years of Ms. and Playgirl I picked up at a garage sale. I public hair alone is so awesome it is worth the $15 I paid for them.

    1. Wait, what? I public hair alone? Lol, I think this was an autocorrect fail.

  3. It's the technology that kills me - so expensive - so really useful. (So something my husband probably would have tried to purchase! Boys!)

    1. Well, it is PlayBOY. ;) Makes me wonder what ads they had in PlayGIRL way back when.