I was complaining to Husband yesterday about my acne.
(Yes, I am 39 years old, and I still suffer from acne; it is a bane. I have tried different techniques to make it go away, but nothing works for very long. One of the many things about my body I hate. sigh)
Husband doesn't really understand how much the pimples bother me…but then, he has no problem offering me solutions to deal with it.
Husband: I know one way to get rid of your pimples.
Me: You do? How?
Husband: Spankings. Spankings get rid of pimples.
Me: They do not.
Husband: They do. If your skin is breaking out, it means you need a spanking.
Me: I do not, now stop it.
Husband: You know what else cures pimples? Come.
Me: If I come more, my pimples will go away?
Husband: No, I have to come—on your face. Come is very good for your skin.
Me: Oh, really….
Husband: Yes! It's got protein and antioxidants and other shit that's very good for your skin. You can rub it in. (He starts to rub my cheeks with his fingers)
Me: You know what I think? (I smack his hands away) I think you constantly touching my face is giving me pimples. I think you need to stop doing that.
Me: I also think it's possible not getting spanked will cure my acne, and I think we should test my theory.
Husband: No. Also, come really is good for your skin, you know. It's been scientifically proven.
Me: Oh, really? Show me a source.
Husband: I will…after I spank you and come on your face.
Turns out? Semen really might be good for your skin.
The spanking theory still needs more research, though.