Monday, November 30, 2015

It's My Responsibility to Accept My Sluthood. Got It; Check

Happy Days - "All the Way" (Rare Pilot Version) by thelostreasures
Skip to 24:25

"Hey Fonzie, can I talk to you for a minute? Remember the other day I was talking to you about me and Mary Lou Milligan? Well, the fact is...we didn't do anything. I lied."
"You know, that makes me mad...seeing how you said you did, I figured you did, and she did, so I got a date with her myself this afternoon. I gotta waste a whole day...and gas..."
"She kisses real good."
"I polished my bike for a kiss?"
"I'm really sorry."

"Can I ask you a question?"
"Go ahead. I know everything."
"Okay, if you know so much, tell me: can you fall in love with a girl who has a reputation?"
"Write this down, Rich: there's two kinds of girls. Those you marry, and those that got a reputation."
"What about the ones who give hickies?"
"Oh well they're okay if, uh, if you marry them before they get reputations."

Classic American culture used to teach our kids a very simple lesson. There were two types of girls: those who kept their legs shut, and those who didn't. The girls who 'put out' were fun, and inevitably popular with the boys, but they weren't the girls the boys looked at when it was time to start a serious relationship.
To put it simply, girls who put out were sluts, and sluts didn't deserve respect. They were cheap goods used for sex.

It wasn't that long ago we, as a society, were teaching this to kids...and by not long ago, I mean in many places, we never stopped. Sure, we try to empower women with their own sexuality, and try to make them understand they have choices, same as men. Certainly in the kink community, we're doing our best to 'take back the word' SLUT, and give women a place to feel comfortable in their own desires. We want women to be stripped of their inhibitions, free of guilt...but free of guilt does not mean free of consequences.

There are still plenty of men out there who think a woman who 'puts out' isasking for whatever she gets. That by consenting to one thing, she's consenting to everything the guy wants from her.
Things went further than she wanted? She was asking for it.
Boundaries were crossed? She was asking for it.
Guy didn't stop when he was asked to? What can she expect, that he can just turn off like a switch? She was asking for trouble by leading him on.
She was asking for all of it by agreeing to start anything at all.

So when I see posts talking about "personal responsibility" and how these Boo-Hoo Victims are nothing but a bunch of whining crybaby females who got themselves into their own messes, what I end up reading between the lines is the old favorite standby of men everywhere:
She was asking for it.

Look, I know what some of these posts are trying to say. They're trying to say Ladies, the world is far from a perfect place—learn the dangers, so you can better assess your risks. And that is a great lesson to learn.

But when I see posts that do nothing but rant about how women everywhere are crying VICTIMHOOD as a way to deflect Regret Sex, I know what some of these authors are harboring in their heads. Those sluts knew what they were doing. They had the REP-U-TAYSHUNS. It's the poor guys are the real victims here, cause all they did was take what those sluts were offering.

And I know this is not true in all cases. I know some men like to come out of the woodwork with the hashtag cries of #NotALLMen and #MenAreVictimsToo. Andthis is all true.

But take a look around. Look how often women get the unsolicited demands for sex—not the requests, not the would you like to fuck me?messages, but the I am your master now, and you will do everything I say, bitch demands. Look how often these women are slandered when they refuse those demands.

Look how often posts come out from fed-up women trying to just remind everyone that being a sub-type does not make them public property. Look how often those posts make Fetlife's K&P. They make K&P because they resonate with so many.

Look how many women are talking about rape. Sexual assault. Physical assault. Physical abuse.
Look how many are afraid to talk about these things. Ask yourself why.

(Slut. Maybe try being the other type of woman. We all know you really wanted it.)

Too many still think "personal responsibility" refers only to women—and those pesky, complaining, passive-aggressive women need to own the fact that if they're into kink, they should expect to be treated a certain way. If that certain way will sometimes mean getting their boundaries crossed? Too bad. Life is full of hard lessons.

But "Personal responsibility" is not supposed to be about deflecting blame onto others, or looking for excuses. It's supposed to be about taking ownership of one's own actions.

So stop treating the issue of women's consent as some kind of joke. Stop alluding to it with a wink and a snigger. Stop pretending like there are two types of women—those who take personal responsibility for all the assholes of the world, and those who don't.

"Personal Responsibility" doesn't mean she needs to take responsibility for youbeing a dick. So stop being one.