Kink Meme, Day 12

"Tell us about a humourous BDSM/kink experience you've had. If you haven't had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny."

The funniest thing that comes to mind is the first time Husband and I tried figging, although it didn't feel so funny at the time. This was years ago, keep in mind; back when I was younger and brasher and a lot more, oh, let's go with the word ignorant. Because that sounds forgivable.

I'd read about figging somewhere on the internet. It was from girl was giving first-hand experience on the subject, but it was something short, a mention really, about how she'd "had it done" to her.

So here's the thing: this girl didn't mention anything about pain. She said the ginger made her feel "tingly" (I remember her using that word specifically), and made her "feel like" she wanted to be fucked in the ass. She talked about how her boyfriend had carved the root down, but not whether the'd used lube on it (you're not supposed to--if they did, that would explain a lot about the no-pain thing) and how long they left it inside her (again, it could have been all of two seconds, which would have explained a lot).
But in my ignorance, I thought to myself, 'hey! Something new to try! And it goes in the ass! And it will feel "tingly"!

So I sent Husband to the supermarket to get the ginger. He comes back and holds it up to me, looking skeptical.
"Are you sure you want this in your ass, hon?" He asks.
"Not like that. It's supposed to be shaved down," I say like I'm some kind of expert, giving him instructions. He complies, always willing to go along with my kinky ideas and try something new. Meanwhile, I go upstairs and wait for him in the bedroom, eager and excited, clearly unaware how I've just masterminded my own form and deliverance of torture.

He comes back into the bedroom with the root, and is greeted by the view of my presenting ass.
"Am I supposed to lube it?" He asks, looking quizzical.
"I don't know. I don't think so," I answer. "It looks slippery enough."
So he dutifully starts to bury the ginger root into my poor, ignorant butthole. It only takes about ten seconds for the juice to start taking effect.
"Ah," I say, surprise making my voice rather high-pitched.
"You okay? Am I going too fast?"
"It, uh, feels tingly, alright," I say, suddenly afraid that this might not go as expected. But Husband, taking my answer to mean that it feels great, keeps pushing, screwing it in as he goes deeper.
"Oh, my...oh, wait...oh...oh Jesus...."
"You like it?" He asks huskily, again, completely misunderstanding my reaction. He presses in further, twisting it in and out.
"It...it burns...."
"What?"
"It burns! It's burning! Jesus it's burning!"
"But you said it's supposed to feel good--"
"I KNOW but it BURNS oh JESUS can you please take it OUT--"
"Maybe I just put it in too deep? I'll pull it out a little--"
"NO PLEASE GET IT OUT OF ME OH GOD OW OW OW--"
He pulled it out fast, and I ran to the bathroom, holding my stinging butt with both hands like my sphincter was about to run away in retreat. I turned on the shower and didn't even wait for the water to warm up the slightest bit before getting in, grabbing the shower head, and holding it right against my aching hole.
After a minute, Husband came in and watched with great interest as I stood in the shower, holding the spraying water straight against my ass, hopping from leg to leg and hollering curses. He had a good laugh, let me tell you.
And he took note.
That wasn't to be the last time I would ever feel the surprisingly powerful effect of a ginger root. Now, whenever he wants to threaten me with a particularly bad punishment, all he has to do is place an all-too-innocent looking ginger root inside the refrigerator vegetable drawer, and I'm the most submissive Sub you've ever seen.


ALSO! Funny video. This cracks me up.