Friday, July 27, 2012

He is Wonderman

14 year old: You know, Mom, all the best super heroes have sidekicks. That's how you can tell if a super hero is really good or not; if he has a sidekick.
Me: Maybe you're right. So why doesn't Wonder Woman have a sidekick? She's pretty badass.
12 year old: What would her sidekick be called?
Me: ...Wonderman.
Husband, rushing into the room: Here I am, Wonderman!
Me: You scared me!
Husband: Look at my pretty gold bracelets! My lasso of truth! I will tie you up with my rope and make you talk! Wife, the reason why there is no Wonderman is because that sounds gay.
Me: It does not sound gay! 
Husband: And what would he ride in? An invisible car? Guys want to see a badass car! Batman has a badass car! Wonder woman's sidekick cannot drive an invisible car! It's gay. 
Me: That is very homophobic, Husband.
Husband: Well, it's true. And anyway, it's okay. Not everyone has to have a superhero. 
14 year old: Jews don't have a superhero.
Husband: There you go. Jews don't have a superhero.
12 year old: Who would be our superhero, Dad?
Husband: Matzah Man.
Me: Husband!
Husband: He fights evil celiac disease everywhere. And lactose intolerance.
Me: Husband....
Husband: And he has his own motto: Shalom Aleichem, motherfuckers.
Me: That's it. Kids, go to bed.
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3 comments:

  1. AnonymousJuly 29, 2012 at 2:15 AM

    I thought Wonderman as a sidekick sounded quite nice but I can't picture him being very manly.More like Ken and Barbie kind of guy:-)

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  2. AnonymousJuly 29, 2012 at 3:34 AM

    Neither Superman nor The Flash nor Aquaman nor The Green Lantern nor Spiderman nor Ironman nor Captain America nor Hawkeye nor Cyborg nor The Hulk nor The Silver Surfer have sidekicks. Are they no good either? *sniff*

    Stay SINful
    Mr. AP

    ReplyDelete
  3. Shelby CrossJuly 29, 2012 at 9:17 AM

    Okay, Mr. AP, I had to comment. Superman does have a sidekick, Supergirl. He even has a dog.
    Spiderman, Iron Man, Captain America, The Hulk, and the SIlver Surfer are all Marvel characters, which says something about their caliber right there. Green Lantern DID have a sidekick for a while, Speedy, but he didn't last very long; and in any case, his sidekick is the ring he has to sing to every night to get his powers (it couldn't get more lame unless it was a security blanket).
    And Hawkeye and Cyborg? Please. They don't even make the list of superheroes. They ARE sidekicks.
    Kpow.

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