Thursday, July 26, 2012

Sweeping It Under the Drama Rug

I feel like I left all of you beautiful readers (all three of you, cough cough) hanging there and I apologize for that. Husband did punish me that night, with a game of How Much Lube Do You REALLY Need For This Here Buttplug, otherwise known as Yow That Fucking Hurts Motherfucker. But the game went slowly, Husband took his time, and in the end (get it? End? I crack myself up) I had a good time, too. Cough cough.

I have been neglecting you as of late because of issues that have been cropping up in my online life, namely on Twitter and Fetlife. Some like to call this kind of thing "Drama."

I get the labeling. I really do. I also kind of fucking hate it.

"Drama" has become a trigger word. Once a situation has been labelled "Drama," it becomes something dirty and repulsive, something contaminated which can then turn around and contaminate you with its vileness. It is something worthy of scorn and contempt.

Sometimes, the label fits. There's a reason why so many of us don't want "Drama" in our lives. She's a nasty, energy-sucking bitch. She can turn you into a person you never would have recognized. She can make you miserable. She can raise your blood pressure. She will laugh doing it.

But not all situations deserve the label "Drama." Some don't deserve it at all. Because you know what happens when someone labels a situation "Drama"? People turn away; they want no part of it.
And sometimes, that makes them ignore legitimate wrongs going on around us. 

Like the people who ignore the screaming coming from the apartment downstairs, but shut their ears, because they've heard it too many times before. Or the people who hear the woman crying out for help down the street, but do nothing, because they assume it's a joke or (worse) a drug addict. Or the people who see the crying child in the store, looking for his mommy, but assume she's around somewhere, and will find her kid eventually.

People get wrapped up in their own lives. They don't want to make a stand unless they know it's worth the effort, and often, that involves sifting through too many facts and sides. They don't want to be accused later of doing the wrong thing.

But you know what ends up happening? We have people all over Twitter and Fetlife and the blogosphere who use the word "Drama" to absolve themselves of any responsibility to get involved and find out what is really going on. That doesn't make them enlightened or superior, because they want to stay away from the "Drama." That makes them part of the silent majority who see a crime being committed, something immoral or unethical, sometimes both, and do nothing. But they think it's okay that they're not speaking up against the wrong going on, because they are not ignoring it, they are not those people who allow an injustice to continue, no, they are just staying away from the "Drama."

In other words, they are acting like enabling assholes, and cloaking their apathy with egoism.

Now I'm ranting.
Look, I get it: we have to pick our battles. We can't jump into the fray every time we see something going on, even if we know we don't agree with it, because it's true, we have lives to lead and mental well-being to maintain.
I've been guilty of this too, and I'm sure I will be again.
There's a LOT that's fucked up in the world. We can't try to fix it all.

But we shouldn't pretend it's not there, either.


  1. Great post, Shelby. So I want to know... what are you going to do to avoid pretending it's there? Because personally, I'm at a loss.

  2. Right now, all I can do is take each case as it comes, and make a stand when I feel able and justified to make it. Frankly--and I know I'm in the minority here--I feel much more comfortable making a stand in public RL than under the veil of the internet. I'm going to a munch in, oh, half an hour, I have a feeling I'll be talking to many folks about some hot topics, and I look forward to it.

  3. This is good - and should be somewhere more visible. It brings to mind the Kitty Genovese story, with which I was fascinated for a long time. People just don't want to get involved. I don't know when "drama" became a label like it has, but I don't like it either.

  4. I also agree with you on this. It is hard to act though - it is not usually welcomed. I never want to be the one that didn't help when I could have.

    You are right about the internet drama though - it is doubly hard because you aren't getting the facial expressions or the other side or anything?

    1. I am not sure why I made that into a question. It wasn't one - erghh... too tired to be reading blogs tonight. :) (But as one of your three (ahem) readers, I felt compelled to read yours.)

  5. I dont like to get involved either.Sometimes I just think too many problems on my own.Ever moaning husband,three boys,two of them autistic,keep your own problems!But it does not work for me.I'm a carer in my heart though I don't tell people what to do.I tell them what I would do if I was in their situation(and again only if I can relate)and then its up to them they can keep it or leave it.Keep writing.Really enjoy your blogs and yes still doing my am runs in my pajamas and trench coat:-)

  6. I tend to get involved and stand up for The Little Guy. It got me into fights in school and it's involved me in Drama since. Learning how to let two friends figure things out between themselves instead of getting involved has been one of the hardest things for me to learn the past few years.

    Stay SINful
    Mr. AP