All Things Being Unequal

Me, petulantly: You really hurt me.
Him, warily: Where did I really hurt you?
Me: My arm. It really hurts.
Him: Your arm? How did I hurt your arm?
Me: I don't know. Maybe when you grabbed my hand to twist me around and spank me?
Him: Show me where it hurts.
I show him the spot inside my arm, underneath my wrist. There is some redness. 
Him: This is not from me grabbing you. This is where I blocked your arm from trying to hit my ass.
Me: Well, it hurts!
Him: Good. You shouldn't be trying to hit my ass.
Me: But you get to hit my ass.
Him: This is true. (Swats my ass.)
Me: Hey!
Him: Did that really hurt?
Me: No.
Him: The moral of the lesson here is don't try to top me, cause you can't. Trying will only hurt you more.
Me: But you shouldn't let me hurt my arm! You should control these things!
Him, sighing and shaking his head: You're right. Next time I see you with that look in your eyes, I'm tying you up. Then I know where your hands are, and you can't get yourself into trouble. And it'll be much easier to spank you.
Me: That's right! Wait...I didn't mean...hold on....
Him: Go put ice on your arm. Right now. (Kisses me on the forehead and walks away.)

Husband has a very nice ass. But while I'm allowed to caress it, kiss it, knead it, lick it, and occasionally, nip it, I am not allowed, never ever, to spank it. Even though it is so very cute.