After I wrote my last post, I cross-posted it to Fetlife. I got a lot of tweets and private messages, all asking me basically the same thing: What happened? What did Husband do?
Well, the first thing he did was…laugh. Hard. That's one of the reasons why Husband and I get along the way we do: he laughs at most of the shit I pull on him. He finds me entertaining.
When he was done laughing, he made some vague threats about me sleeping on the floor, which prompted me to fix the bed immediately. I do not like sleeping on the floor.
After that? We ate dinner, he spent some time with the kids, we watched TV, spent more time with the kids…basically, we spent the evening like any other evening.
After that? We went to bed.
After that? Yeah, the sex was extra rough. No horrendous torture, though; no screaming and tears. No begging for The End. No "great closure" to this episode, as some people assumed there would be.
The punishment, the scene, is coming, I'm sure. But the timing has to be right. The setting has to be perfect. The feeling has to be there for both us, now, right now, this is it, NOW we're going to handle this.
D/s dynamics run a lot on cause and effect. He orders; I do. He calls; I jump. I misbehave; he punishes.
But it dawned on me the other day that many people assume reaction must always come immediately after action; and maybe in other relationships, that's true, but that's not true in our relationship. Yes, sometimes Husband's reaction will come swift and hard. But other times…I just gotta wait.
He might make me wait because he wants it to sink in just how angry he is. He might make me wait because he is too angry to trust his own reaction. He might make me wait so he can extend the punishment.
But sometimes, he makes me wait because we have to wait, because the timing is just not right. And that is okay.
It is okay, because we have time. We are not going anywhere (dear God I hope not). There is no sense of urgency. There is family, kids, us…there is life, and life is there, needing to be lived.
As I write, he might be planning something in that sick, twisted, devious head of his. He might have ordered a new toy or tool or device to punish me with, and just be waiting for it to come in before he lays in on me.
He is probably scheming against me. He is always scheming against me. That's one of the reasons why Husband and I get along the way we do: I live in constant fear and awe of him.
It may be tomorrow, it may be next week, it may be next month…but eventually, Husband will come around to punishing me for my list of transgressions, and I will regret it.
Until then, I wait. Waiting is okay. Waiting is not a crime.
I will keep telling myself this.
GODAMN IT HUSBAND WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING JUST DO IT ALREADY