Friday, February 14, 2014

I'm Lucky: I Don't Get Flowers on Valentine's Day

Background information: Husband has not given me flowers in over sixteen years. This is because the last time he bought me flowers (sixfuckingteen years ago), they were roses, and I don't like roses. I told him I don't like roses, and he took this to mean "Wife doesn't like flowers." The idea got stuck in his head, and I've never managed to correct him of it…the stubborn man.
Which leads us to this morning…

Me: Happy Valentine's Day!
Husband: Happy Valentine's Day. (Kisses me on the forehead.) Do you want anything special?
Me: Yes?
Husband: I promise I won't buy you chocolate.
Me: Thank you.
Husband: And I won't buy you flowers.
Me: (spluttering) What? What? Why not? Why don't you ever buy me flowers?
Husband: Because you don't like flowers?
Me: Oh my God! Just—oh my God! That is so not true! We've gone over this! I don't like roses! Just! Roses! Every time you say I don't like flowers, and every time I say it's not true! I like orchids, I like lilies, I like jasmine, I like baby's breath, I like—I like a lot of other flowers! Just not roses!
Husband: (looking at me like I've gone nuts) You've never told me you like flowers.
Me: I HAVE ALWAYS TOLD YOU I LIKE FLOWERS. JUST NOT ROSES. GOD!
Husband: Well, it doesn't matter, because I just decided what I'm getting you, and it's not flowers.
Me: (stupidly hopeful) Oh? What?
Husband: I already planned a scene for us on Saturday night when the kids go out…
Me: (less hopeful) Oh?
Husband: And I think you need a new enema kit.
Me: …An enema kit. You're getting me a new enema kit for Valentine's Day.
Husband: Yup.
Me: (mockingly) "Here, honey, I didn't get you flowers, but I got you an enema kit instead. Happy Valentine's Day."
Husband: What can I say? I'm a romantic.
Me: (laughing, cause I couldn't help it) I love you.
Husband: I love you too. See, I knew you'd love it. A new enema kit is better than flowers any day.

What can I say? He's right.

2 comments:

  1. The best present your ever loving husband could have given you on Valentine's Day, is "six of the best' strokes upon your bare bottom. Six of the very best strokes of a pliable stinging cane.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh really a nice blog thanks for posting and sharing!! glad to read this blog entry,
    In the event that it is your first time I will make your visit remarkable and I have an approach to make you feel quite so no difficulty’s might be what you need me to be – a young lady for 60 minutes of great quality sex, a young lady as close-by for your amigo or your lady, a young lady for a couple. As an Gurgaon Escorts Service, Independent Escorts in Delhi, Delhi Escorts Service, Gurgaon Escorts, Escorts in Gurgaon, Escorts in Delhi, Delhi Escorts, I appreciate standardizing going to places of consideration, theatre, cooking, agribusiness, forgetting to restaurants and the reek center. I am the kind of female you might want to meet, or you are simply being intrigued! I wouldn't fret, whichever way, assuming that you are simply being intrigued then conceivably what you are going to discover may make you conclude that you are truly pulled in after all-in will listen to your supplies and will dependably attempt my best to escort with any occurrence and help you to feel yourself loose & fulfilled her. So call us If you need Gurgaon Female Escorts, Delhi Female Escorts, Gurgaon Independent Escorts, Delhi Independent Escorts, http://www.delhihotescort.com.

    ReplyDelete