There IS Fetlife Drama, and It DOES Have a Victim (Cross-posted from Fetlife)
Stay away from Fetlife drama. That seems to be the rule these days. You see a post that's a little too abrasive with the finger pointing? Stay away from it! You see a post that's a little too specific with the calling out of improper behavior from a certain individual? Stay away from it! You see a post that's a little too familiar to the people you know in your local community? Stay away from it!
I've written at length about my feelings on the word "drama," and how we use it far too much to describe—and dismiss—issues and events we should be taking far more seriously in the scene. But let's face it. Sometimes, there is drama on Fetlife. The posts I'm talking about are the ones which are not there to help anyone, not there to improve anything, they're there so someone can feel better for ranting and raging and kicking up a whole lot of dirt, for no other reason than to assuage their own misery.
And yeah, sure, a lot of people call that "looking for support." There's nothing wrong with coming here looking for support. Your friends want to be there for you. But let me tell you a little eensie-beensie fact about trying to find support on Fetlife: if your appeal is not 100% sincere and 100% genuine? After a while, it willcome back to bite you in the ass. It may take a while, but it will happen. People will reread that post of yours, and realize you're not trying to prop yourself up, you're trying to punch someone else down, because they dared to piss you off somehow. That's drama.
Some of us have been here long enough to recognize it mighty quick. But then...then there's the aftermath. People start judging everyone involved over the "drama". They start painting everybody with the same brush. Both exes of a now non-couple, where one is talking shit about the other? They're now both causing drama. Everyone involved in a dispute? They're allcausing drama. Hell, an entire group of friends may now be flung and marinated with the dreaded drama sauce—because one or two of them are spreading around the evil drama. "I'm staying away from those people, they're causing drama." "That couple with the drama, they need to learn." "Why can't that group stop it with the drama?"
Take a better look, people. Take a better look, and ask yourself: Who is the one causing the drama? Is it the person who is trying to get over that bad break up, the people who are trying to solve a conflict privately, the ones who are following some kind of rules of engagement to get the matter settled as quickly as possible for the betterment of the community? Or is it those who are plastering that shit all over Fetlife with their posts?
I read these posts, and I feel like I'm back in high school. So-and-so has to tell me their side of the "story" before the other person can get to me, so I believe them first. (As an aside, does this actually work with some people?...What am I saying...of course it works, because some of us have never left high school mentality. If this is you, stop it.Please.)
Here's the thing: people who are affected by this drama typically have very little recourse other than to suffer through it. They cannot control the people who are kicking up shit—no one can really control the behavior of others, only their own—so they keep their heads down and ignore it as much as possible. And yet, they are marinated in the drama sauce, with no control over the outcome.
Drama is treated like a game around here, which is a sad fact in and of itself. It's a spectator sport. There's often two sides: The cause...and the casualty. Look what's going on. Listen to who's saying what, who's writing what...and who's trying their best to rise above. Don't make assumptions about the silent party. You may just realize later, you were wrong. And remember, nobody is immune from the drama game. You may just find your number called up next, whether you like it or not, and let me tell you, those exits off the field are hard to find.