Monday, January 19, 2015

Monday Meme: "When did you realize this was your "biggest" kink? And how?"

I never "realized" Take-Down Play is my biggest kink; it always just was. From an early age, I was fantasizing (and literally dreaming) about being chased and hunted. And when I say "early age," I mean, I was still watching cartoons. Some of my favorite cartoon characters from GI Joe and M.A.S.K. floated in and out of those fantasies.

I made the mistake one time of telling my sister about my dreams. "Those are your dreams?" She asked me in disbelief. "Those are my nightmares. You're such a weirdo."
That was when I realized maybe not everyone shared in my proclivities.

When I reached puberty, and started having thoughts and urges about sex, I hit a deep dichotomy: on one hand, I had been told sex was supposed to be gentle, relaxed, and an almost passive activity for the woman. On the other hand, my fantasizes were full of ruthlessness, brutality, and a heady dose of fear.

Trying to reconcile these two conflicting views of what sex was supposed to "be like" took some time, but in the end, my own personal urges won out. I discovered some S&M books at my local book store, and while I understood them to be fringe fiction, completely taboo, I also felt a huge sense of relief that there were other people like me out there in the world, who liked sex rough and violent.

Once I started actually having sex with boys, things got harder. I got myself into a lot of trouble. I don't blame the boys—at least, not most of them. They were figuring themselves out, just like me. I wanted to be hurt, and they wanted to hurt me, but none of us knew what the hell we were doing.

Then I met Husband, who seemed to inherently understand the basic rule of "Hurt, But Don't Harm," even if he didn't know how to articulate it. The sex between us was savage, but never left me feeling degraded or violated; it was fun, and had me coming back for more.
Which, you know, is vital in any BDSM relationship.

No comments:

Post a Comment