Kink Meme, Day 1

First of all, thank you to The Spanking Resource for this "30 Days of Kink" Meme. Awesome blog, by the way! Go check it out! He's on Twitter, too.

So! Day one. "Dom, Sub, Switch? What parts of BDSM interests you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition...."

First of all, I'm a Sub through and through. I guess I could engage in play that would technically be called switching, but only if I were ordered to... and if I'm being ordered to, doesn't that still make me the Sub? Or is that kind of a chicken-or-egg question? In any case, my husband has no interest in relinquishing control, and I have no interest in trying to wrest it away from him.

What parts of BDSM interest me? The bondage, absolutely. I'm not just talking about physical bondage, either; I got into the "generality of bondage" a little bit in this post. I'm talking about being bound to my husband, feeling like there is no choice but to ultimately submit to him. The physical bondage is great, too, though. :)

BDSM for us is not just about what goes on in the bedroom. It's how we interact with each other on a daily basis, how we consider each other's wants and needs and are careful of the other's thoughts and feelings. It's how we grow in our relationship, and build on a strong foundation, to spend the rest of our lives with each other. It's about agreed-upon rules, that really help to prevent later problems; and sometimes, it's about punishment for breaking the rules. But at the core of it, it's about trust.

Now, in the bedroom....I still have a hard time making a set line in the sand, or at least in my head, as to what's "kink" and what's not. Let's say, for argument's sake, that you've got a couple who doesn't own a single sex toy (I shudder to think) and only engages in a few positions during sex. That, to me, is straight vanilla. But then, one night, one of them brings a pair of handcuffs to bed, or a dildo, or maybe even a light paddle. Does this mean they are now doing something "kinky," or is still considered normal vanilla in this day and age? Who gets to decide what's kinky and what's not, or even what's heavy BDSM and what's light BDSM? For every woman you have strutting around proud of the welts across her butt, you might find another showing off the lines going across her nipples. Or inside her thighs and pussy. Is one somehow "kinkier"? It's hard for me to pass judgement like that in such a gray area.

And even vanilla sex is never absolutely "even," never a fair give-and-take; one is usually more in control than the other. But, I suppose, in a BDSM relationship, it's (almost?) always one over the other, and not the other way around. And there's more of a clear-cut obligation to submit, and consequences if you don't.

As an aside, I think there are more men out there who would be interested in a heavier BDSM relationship with their significant other if they could get away with it. I mean, what man wouldn't love the idea, after a hard day at work, of coming home and saying to his woman, "Sweetheart, I've had a bad day. Please get down on your knees and take me in your mouth. Suck me off, but take your time, and don't stop even after I've come, not until I tell you to." To which his woman will submissively go down on her knees in front of him, say "yes Sir, thank you for allowing me this pleasure," and proceed to do exactly what he instructed.

What straight man on the planet can't see the appeal in that?