My husband and I have been married for over fifteen years. We've been together for longer--it's almost to the point where I will have spent more of my life with him than without him. We have children, a house, a dog, extended family...we are blessed to have just about everything a "normal" family should have.
The fact that we incorporate kink and BDSM into our relationship doesn't change any of that. In fact, it would be very hard for me to label these days what would be considered strict "vanilla" vs kink, as if "vanilla" is somehow normal while "kink" is somehow...not. But that is a point for another post.
We've changed, over the years, our practices in and out of the bedroom, what we consider acceptable and what we do not. Having children does that; having outside obligations does that. We cannot get down and dirty on the dining room table anymore after the kids go to sleep; for one thing, they might wake up and try to come find us. For another thing, my oldest goes to sleep pretty damn late these days, and by the time he's in bed and snoring, I'm too tired to get out all the toys and have a kink session on hard wood. I want to stay in my own bedroom where all the toys are nearby and easily accessible.
Our bodies are not the same. We cannot stay up until two o'clock in the morning having fun in the bedroom anymore; we are simply too tired. I cannot bend and twist the way I could in my twenties, and let's face it, he does not have the stamina anymore to keep up with a twenty-something anyway.
But one thing has not changed: he is the only man I trust, completely, with all that I am, my heart, mind, soul, everything. He knows me, but more than that, he gets me. He recognizes when I'm crying out in pleasure, in ecstasy, in worry, in fear, or in pain; and he knows when to stop, when to keep going, and when to press on harder. He knows when to pull back and when to push through. He knows he has control over me, and he gives that responsibility the respect and reverence it deserves.
I cannot say that my love for my husband has not changed, because it has. It has deepened and grown, evolved into something more precious, and more grand, than anything I could have imagined fifteen years ago. It is the kind of love often portrayed in movies and television shows, but all too rarely experienced in real life. And for this love, I am truly thankful.
It is also why I get so mad when I hear or read a statement implying that the BDSM lifestyle is somehow wrong, or even sick. Because: how can it be wrong when we feel so lucky to share it?