"Post a BDSM/kink activity you're curious about and would like to try."
I've always wanted to try suspension. But it's kind of hard in a house with lots of kids and no room, at least no room for that kind of equipment that is large and cumbersome and obviously cannot be disguised as something else.
Like this one:
Notice, won't you, that the woman is being suspended in a kitchen? A KITCHEN? I don't know about you, but this is NOT what I have going on in my kitchen. Now I guess I could theoretically try to put this up in the bedroom, but...I can't just leave it for the kids to see, can I? So how easy IS it to put it up and take it down? Is it welded up there? Is it something the next owners of the house are going to see and think, "Dear Baby Jesus, what did these people have going on in here?"
You could go this way:
But again, very large and cumbersome looking; not something you can fold up and stick under the bed. Also, she's holding herself up there, isn't she? So once she let's go, doesn't she just fall down? And the legs don't look so comfortable, either. And how is someone supposed to whip your ass like that? Work from underneath? I get the impression someone didn't really think through the logistics of this one.
So my longing to try suspension will stay a longing, at least for now, until we find a safe, cheap, and non-obvious way to try it at home. I have a feeling a trip to Home Depot is coming up shortly.
"How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink?"
Well, I think most people fantasize about stuff they were never do in real life, and I do that, too. And I think fantasy BDSM always goes smoother--and probably kinkier--than real life BDSM.
In fantasy BDSM, the people are always hot and bothered and expert at doing exactly what needs to be done to drive the other person crazy with need. The rope always twists the way it's supposed to, the knots always hold, and the lube never spills.
In real life, of course, scenes usually don't go so perfectly. The leather hits the wrong bit of skin. A limb twists the wrong way, and needs a second to recover. A knot gives, leading to a suddenly flailing arm or leg. The sheets get messy. The furniture creaks. Things don't feel the way you expected, things don't work the way you wanted...laughter ensues, when you weren't planning on things getting funny at all.
But that's what happens in real life. If you're lucky, you have someone to share your fantasies with, to indulge them and play them out with you. And sometimes your fantasies don't play out the way you imagined them. Sometimes real life is even better.
All of the images here are from the online site Bondage 247. Everything you see here is for sale! (And no, I'm not getting paid or anything like that for using their images. In fact, I asked permission. I just really get a kick out of their site.)
Some of the times I have to be careful in my writing, give more meticulous thought to my words, are when I'm describing tools and furniture people are using in a BDSM scene. I don't want to over-describe; I want people to be able to have their own personal image in their heads of what I'm talking about. But at the same time, they need to have at least a general idea of what the tool or furniture piece looks like, so they're not completely confused when I say a leg went here or an arm twisted there.
Sometimes this is relatively easy. Take, for example, this piece:
It's pretty simple to describe. It's a chair with a huge rubber dildo strapped onto the seat. Now, I might want to embellish the image a little, describe the chair as padded, or wide with armrests, or maybe change the look and size of the dildo. But the general idea is the same: dildo strapped to seat of chair. It's pretty obvious where the scene is going if I'm describing something like this.
Tools are often like that. If my Dom is using a crop
Well, a crop is a crop. In fact, I would have to add more description if I want to alter the image somehow, because this is the default picture most people will have in their heads if I say 'crop,' I think.
But some images are harder. Take, for example, this:
This, on the website, is called a "Vipers Tongue Tawse Whip." Now I don't know about you, but when I see this, I only see a tawse, not a whip. When I say "whip," I'm talking about long pliable coiled leather, not this. So I might describe this as a split tawse, or a double-tongued tawse, and leave out the word whip altogether. But then what if you don't know what a tawse is? How much do I need to assume my readers know? In this case, I might assume they have some kind of general idea of what a tawse is, and if they don't, they can look it up.
And then I come across a hurdle like this.
This is a flogging bench. When you see it, it's pretty obvious how it's designed to be used. But do you know how many flogging benches are out there? How many styles and configurations? Too many.
So if I say "flogging bench," there is no way I can assume the reader is going to picture this flogging bench unless I describe it further.
But how? It's padded...it's long...it's about table high...except for the leg platform, um, thingies? Where you can rest your knees? Legs? They are slightly lower than the, um, higher part? Where you put your torso? But they are also padded, and the whole thing has straps for your body except for your hands or arms, that would have to be added later, oh and your ankles too, but it actually looks really comfortable and would give your partner easy access to your presenting parts unless you're on your back in which case I guess it would be much more uncomfortable to have your feet hanging down....
You get the idea.
So these are some of the issues I deal with, writing BDSM erotica. It's actually not a bad problem to have. I get to research BDSM gear all the time. And find little treasures like these. And drool.
And again, all the images taken here are from the Bondage247 website. They are based in the UK, and seem to have stuff I've never seen offered in American sites, like JT's Stockroom.
They're on Twitter, too. I love linky-love.
"Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you're drawn to?"
I got a good laugh out of this question, because at first I misunderstood it. I thought, 'they're asking me why I'm drawn to kink? Who doesn't get a kick out of kink? Honestly, people have differing senses of propriety and levels of what they can handle, but everyone is drawn to some level of kink, no?'
But then I realized the question was really asking me, what is the appeal to what I am drawn to. And as I've stated before, I'm drawn to strong D/S relationships, women being 'put in their place' with the proper punishments. I'm into having fun and trying new things, provided that the power exchange is still obvious.
So then I started thinking about what I'm NOT into, what my 'hard lines' in kink-play are: needle play, bio-hazard, electricity, etc.
And I realized, I am not into anything that I would perceive as an abuse of the power. Like, for me and Husband, I offer up my control to him, I submit to him and give him my all, but I expect him to treat that offering as a gift, and use the power exchange for the good of us both. If I ever thought he was treating me with destain, or taking advantage of his power to do things he knows would hurt me emotionally and psychologically, I would resent it and quickly resent him.
I'm not talking about physical pain. I can take a lot of pain, and most of the time, I love it. And when I don't, well, it's usually because it's a punishment, and a punishment is supposed to hurt. I enjoy reading about power exchanges, books with BDSM where the D/S comes through clearly. So I guess I'm drawn to men taking control, assuming power.
But anything that crosses the line from use-of-power to abuse-of-power is, in my head, an immediate turn-off.
Everyone who's ever tried their hand at some creative writing knows the fear I'm talking about. Is this any good? Is this complete shit? Will I even be able to tell the difference when I read it myself? Will people like it? Will anyone like it? Will it be what people expect? Is it any good?
All writers go through this. I know it, I've heard it, I've been told it over and over over again. And I know the answer you're supposed to give yourself: don't let the fear stop you from writing. Write anyway. Write because it makes you happy, because it sets you free, write because you know you want to. Write because you have to, or you'll be miserable, and you know it. Write through the fear.
But sometimes I can't. Sometimes the fear wins. And today was one of those days.
And right now, I'm pretty fuckin' miserable.
"Tell us about a humourous BDSM/kink experience you've had. If you haven't had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny."
The funniest thing that comes to mind is the first time Husband and I tried figging, although it didn't feel so funny at the time. This was years ago, keep in mind; back when I was younger and brasher and a lot more, oh, let's go with the word ignorant. Because that sounds forgivable.
I'd read about figging somewhere on the internet. It was from girl was giving first-hand experience on the subject, but it was something short, a mention really, about how she'd "had it done" to her.
So here's the thing: this girl didn't mention anything about pain. She said the ginger made her feel "tingly" (I remember her using that word specifically), and made her "feel like" she wanted to be fucked in the ass. She talked about how her boyfriend had carved the root down, but not whether the'd used lube on it (you're not supposed to--if they did, that would explain a lot about the no-pain thing) and how long they left it inside her (again, it could have been all of two seconds, which would have explained a lot).
But in my ignorance, I thought to myself, 'hey! Something new to try! And it goes in the ass! And it will feel "tingly"!
So I sent Husband to the supermarket to get the ginger. He comes back and holds it up to me, looking skeptical.
"Are you sure you want this in your ass, hon?" He asks.
"Not like that. It's supposed to be shaved down," I say like I'm some kind of expert, giving him instructions. He complies, always willing to go along with my kinky ideas and try something new. Meanwhile, I go upstairs and wait for him in the bedroom, eager and excited, clearly unaware how I've just masterminded my own form and deliverance of torture.
He comes back into the bedroom with the root, and is greeted by the view of my presenting ass.
"Am I supposed to lube it?" He asks, looking quizzical.
"I don't know. I don't think so," I answer. "It looks slippery enough."
So he dutifully starts to bury the ginger root into my poor, ignorant butthole. It only takes about ten seconds for the juice to start taking effect.
"Ah," I say, surprise making my voice rather high-pitched.
"You okay? Am I going too fast?"
"It, uh, feels tingly, alright," I say, suddenly afraid that this might not go as expected. But Husband, taking my answer to mean that it feels great, keeps pushing, screwing it in as he goes deeper.
"Oh, my...oh, wait...oh...oh Jesus...."
"You like it?" He asks huskily, again, completely misunderstanding my reaction. He presses in further, twisting it in and out.
"It...it burns...."
"What?"
"It burns! It's burning! Jesus it's burning!"
"But you said it's supposed to feel good--"
"I KNOW but it BURNS oh JESUS can you please take it OUT--"
"Maybe I just put it in too deep? I'll pull it out a little--"
"NO PLEASE GET IT OUT OF ME OH GOD OW OW OW--"
He pulled it out fast, and I ran to the bathroom, holding my stinging butt with both hands like my sphincter was about to run away in retreat. I turned on the shower and didn't even wait for the water to warm up the slightest bit before getting in, grabbing the shower head, and holding it right against my aching hole.
After a minute, Husband came in and watched with great interest as I stood in the shower, holding the spraying water straight against my ass, hopping from leg to leg and hollering curses. He had a good laugh, let me tell you.
And he took note.
That wasn't to be the last time I would ever feel the surprisingly powerful effect of a ginger root. Now, whenever he wants to threaten me with a particularly bad punishment, all he has to do is place an all-too-innocent looking ginger root inside the refrigerator vegetable drawer, and I'm the most submissive Sub you've ever seen.
Meme will have to wait another day or two. I'm still sick. Fever's down, but I'm coughing up stuff that is simply not pretty. I'll have mercy on you and spare you the details. (Unlike this guy, who is a very funny and awesome blogger but spares nothing when it comes to his orifices, and what is leaking out of them. Ew.)
So I'm going to leave you with a bunch of pictures instead.
Enjoy.
No real post today, since I'm sick with a fever of 102 (How do I get that little circle in the right corner to signify degrees?) and I'm supposed to stay in bed. My husband left to pick up the kids, and if he saw me out of bed and at the computer, he would get angry. As in, "when you feel better, you'll be punished for this" angry. So this will be fast.
First thing: Amazon fixed the cover problem. It's up. You should go check it out. And then buy it. Please? I mean, where else can you find a whole book full of hot 'n heavy BDSM, with only the barest of plot getting in the way? You know you always skip the plot stuff in books to get to the sex anyway. Now you don't have to!
Second thing: Second story for next Hotel Bentmoore series is coming along nicely, although I wish I had more time to write. But I guess that's the complaint of any writer.
Shit, husband just called, I forgot when I sent him to pick them up that the kids get out late today. Guess I'll be getting that punishment no matter what.
I think kink, in general, should be seen as a healthy addition to any relationship, as long as it is within RACK philosophy.
RACK, in case you don't know, stands for "Risk Accepted Consensual Kink." It's a bit different from SSC, which stands for "Safe, Sane, and Consensual." A lot of people who hold by SSC tend more to think that every alternative form of sex that isn't safe, or doesn't seem to be "sane," is a form of coercion and/or abuse. People who hold by RACK are more inclined to acknowledge that there are many forms of kink that are risky to one extent or another, but as long as that risk is accepted by all consenting adults, it's okay.
Does this mean I'm free of judgements? Hell no. I'm a human being, of course I judge. I think the idea of a person shitting or peeing on another person is disgusting. I think forcing-feeding people foul, non-edible items is also disgusting. I think needle play scares the crap out of me; the very idea makes me nauseated. But I'm not going to tell anyone who's into these things that they're sick, or insane, or anything like that.
My being bothered does not have to become their problem. I wouldn't want someone giving me a hard time because of my kink (except my husband; he gives me a hard time, and loves it, too). I'm not going to give anyone else a hard time. I can judge without imposing my judgement onto others, and I expect them to do the same.
Tales from the Hotel Bentmoore: The Complete Series is now available on Amazon and B&N!!
For some reason, the cover is not loading on Amazon. And you know what? I'm beginning to resent the way Amazon works.
Amazon uses Kindle Direct Publishing, or KDP, to let authors put their work for sale on Amazon. When an author uploads a piece of writing (novel, novella, short story, whatever) onto KDP, you have to take some time filling out information, clicking boxes, reading the information, etc etc. The final thing you have to do is to check the box that says you agree to their terms of service, and then you hit "publish."
Once you hit "publish," a message pops up to let you know that it will take 24-72 hours for your book to go "live." Then you can access it on your "bookshelf," the place where you can access all your titles to see how they're doing in sales, and make changes if need be. Until it goes "live" on your bookshelf, you can see the title of the book listed among all your other titles, but...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE ANY CHANGES TO THE BOOK.
Here is why this is a problem. It does not take 24-72 hours for your book to become available for sale on Amazon. I uploaded Tales from the Hotel Bentmoore: The Complete Series yesterday morning, and by the afternoon, it was showing up on their website. But I couldn't access the work; I couldn't make any modifications to any of the information, the description, nothing. On my bookshelf, it still says "under review."
In this case, for some reason, my cover failed to upload. I don't know why. It showed up in the cover-box when I was going through the KDP process, but it's not showing up on their website. I would like to try to upload it again. BUT I CAN'T. So when people go to Amazon and see my titles, this one will not have a cover.
And a cover is important. It's what makes a lot of people take a better look. It's a first impression. If I don't have a cover, I end up looking...not so good. My work ends up looking shoddy.
Maybe, by tomorrow, or the next day, the book will go "live" on my bookshelf, and I'll be able to try again. But I don't see why I should have to wait. This was supposed to be the "release" of my book, and Amazon is just making it all that more frustrating.
Dear Amazon: if the book is for sale, that means it IS "live," and I should be able to have access to it to make changes if necessary.
