Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Kink Meme, Day 27

You know, I think I'm beginning to use this Kink Meme as a crutch. No need to think of a pithy post title: it's written in the meme!...Oh no! What will happen when the meme is over and I have think up blog post ideas for myself? Badness, surely!
Can you tell I'm feeling somewhat Snarly? Sarcastic? Snippy? Even a tad bit bitchy?

"Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?"

They don't. The end!
Can't really leave it at that, can I?
I guess my writing, even though it's erotica and BDSM and kinky writing, could also be considered a non-kinky activity. The actual writing part, I mean. Sometimes I'll think up a scene, but I need to figure out the logistics of arms and legs and limbs, and then I'll ask Husband to help me out. Act it out, if you will. So in that way, I guess my major non-kink activity does find its way into the bedroom. But then, my kinks find their way into my writing, so it works both ways.

I knit, so you'd think I'd be better with rope and shibari, but I'm not. I guess I could knit Husband to the bed, but that would be ridiculous. Can you imagine? "Just wait...I've got three more stitches...don't move...."

Okay, this post has run its course. I leave with more Swedish Chef: Miss Piggy looking for her Foo Foo.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Kink Meme Day 26

"What's your opinion on online BDSM play?'

It's completely voluntary and self-discretionary, so what's not to like? How anonymous you are is up to you. What you reveal about your kinks and yourself is up to you. Which people you befriend is up to you. Generally, everything is up to you. You just always have to keep in mind that once you put something out there about yourself, it's out there forever, so you have to be careful.

If by BDSM play you mean, like, acting out a virtual scene or something, then I don't really get that. But I never really "got" phone sex, either, and clearly there are LOTS of people who enjoy that. I think phone sex sounds ridiculous.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Picking Words

The stories for the next collection, Masters of the Hotel Bentmoore, are plodding along. Two are completely done; one is half done. With the last one, I'm still going back and forth which direction I want it to go. I'm letting it stew in my head for a while; the thick will eventually separate from the thin and I'll be able to separate the two and figure out which one I want to use and which one to put back in the freezer for later. (If you've ever made soup, you know what I'm talking about.)

I am always thinking about the stories. When I'm walking the dog, washing the dishes, cleaning the floors, dusting the shelves, I'm thinking about them. I'm thinking about the scenes, and how best to describe what I'm trying to convey; what to describe in detail, and what to leave up to the imagination of the reader.

There are so many words with slight differentiations to describe things. If I want to describe a sub's negative reaction to a direct order, I may write that she's being defiant. But I may also use the word insolent, impertinent, cheeky, brazen, or disdainful; and all those words are, to me, just a touch different from one another. Which word I pick will depend on the character and the situation.

If a sub is struggling, she may writhe. But she also may wiggle, or wriggle, or squirm, or tremble, or joggle.  Her muscles may squeeze, but they may also clamp, or constrict, or clench, or spasm, or press, or simply hold.

Sleek is not the same as willowy, and certainly not the same as lithe, but any of those words may describe her graceful lines. She may be softly rounded, or have a narrow torso with low, compact hips. She may have a thin, reedy chest but high-set, plump breasts. She may be prim and poised, but also sculpted and smooth, satiny to the touch.

She may be any of those things, but I don't always want to tell the readers in so many words. Sometimes, I want the readers to have the freedom to picture the character on their own. Let them decide the hue of a fat nipple and the exact dusky pinkness of folds. It's often more satisfying that way.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

New series: Playboy Ads

     Years and years ago, back when I was a newlywed with no household luxuries (like furniture) and very little money, I would spend all my weekends scrounging around yard sales, looking for stuff I could buy cheap and use in my own house. Like chairs. Chairs were quite a luxury back then.
     One day, I came across a collection of Playboys someone was selling out of a huge bin. They were selling them individually for, like, a buck each. I asked how much the whole bin of Playboys would cost. They let me take the entire collection for ten bucks. I carried that thing home like I had struck gold, and Husband's reaction to my smart purchase choice told me he agreed wholeheartedly. Apparently, he was under the impression not many wives will buy a collection of Playboys for their husbands? I have no idea why not. They're just magazines.
     We've kept the collection safe all these years, and now, looking back at them, it's not the pictures I'm drawn to, or the articles. It's the ads.
     Some of these ads are just the funniest things to look at now. You can't help but laugh. But why should I keep these treasures to myself, I thought? I should share them with my readers! So I'm going to start a new series, the Playboy ad series, and keep it going once a week until I get sick of it or Playboy sends me a threatening letter. Which I don't see how they can do, since these are ads, for christ's sakes.

The first collection of ads comes from January 1987, the Holiday Anniversary Issue.

There are pictures of many women they photographed over the years, including Marilyn Monroe. There's also an interview with this guy:
Which should tell you where technology was back then.
One of the first ads is for a television.

It's got on-screen graphics! And captioning! And 400 lines of resolution! And wireless remote control!
There are more television ads in here, of course.

It's got a double-sided lenticular screen. I have no idea what the hell that means. Did anyone back then? It also has corner to corner focus. Yay! Because corner to corner blurriness is bad!
There are quite a lot of ads for "laser disc" players and VCRs, too. Because no home entertainment system is complete without those. Very 1987 true.

I remember when Poltergeist 2 came out. It was considered one of the scariest movies evah.
This Panasonic VCR can do something scary, too: it can turn your TV into a stereo TV! OHMYGOD! How does it do that?

What say you, Genesis? You like your TV being messed with like that? Oh, I see, you're too busy recording "Invisible Touch" to answer me right now. Okay, get back to me in a few years, when no one knows that song anymore.

Okay, was this when Return of the Jedi came out? Cause I have no other explanation for this ad.
It's obviously state of the art, what with it's 16 AM/FM station random access presets! I don't know if this is what I would call the "beginning of an audio and video empire" though. A remote that works from "across the room" is not what I would call far, far away. But hey, it's got a cassette deck! And a turntable! So shut up!
Some of the ads, I wish were still good today. Take this one, for watches.
These are less than $600 each. For gold. At least, I'm assuming it's gold. "Gold Metal" is gold, right? Unless it's like 3 Karat gold? Even so, it would still be more than $600 bucks today.

This end this week's Playboy Ads post. Next week, new month, same ridiculousness!

Friday, May 27, 2011

Kink Meme Day 25

"How open are you about your kinks?"

Not at all. I have two worlds, the world where my identity is that of parent/community member/"normal" wife/volunteer/hobby-writer/worker, and the world where I am known as sub/SAM wife/kinky woman/writer of erotica specifically. The worlds do not, and cannot, collide.

In my everyday life I am actually thought of as a naive woman. People assume I know nothing about kinks, or anything beyond what you'd see on Leave it to Beaver. They think I'm really like a 1950's wife, ignorant and innocent. If they only knew.

But they never will.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Kink Meme Day 24

Kink Meme still going! Day 24! I don't know about you, but I had shit no idea there could be so many questions about kinks! Counting down to the end here!

"What qualities do you look for in a partner?"

I'm not looking for a partner. I have a partner. A life partner. :)

Husband is task-oriented (meaning: not so good at multi-tasking), meticulous (about everything but the housework), thorough, clever, smart, very funny (that man makes me laugh until I'm crying quite often), very ethical, and just very, very sensible. Common sense is not as common as you would think, and I met a man who has enough for both of us.

He likes to get things his way, but often enough, his way is allowing me my way. He supports me, understands me, listens to me, and pulls me into line when I need him to. He loves me in every way I want and need to be loved. He shows me his love with every kiss on the cheek and every spank on the ass.

He's my Husband, and he's my Dom, and I can't imagine anyone else filling the role the way he does.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Kink Meme, Day 23

"Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?"

If by "changed" you mean "evolved," I guess so. But it would be hard for me to say my interests and perspectives have changed because, and only because, my interest in kink, which is what the question implies. I think I'm constantly evolving my opinions and judgements because that's what people naturally do. If you're asking me if I've gone through a drastic, lifestyle-changing transformation since discovering and accepting my kinks, the answer is no.

I'm always fascinated by other people's lifestyle changes, though. There's a website up, Portraits of Kink, that has a collection of people's stories, and some of them are incredible. You should go check it out.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011


Husband is away on business. I'm unravelling. I'm shooting off my mouth to everyone in listening distance, sending nasty and passive/aggressive messages to people I don't even fucking know, making hasty and stupid decisions, and basically being the smart-assed masochist I am naturally, without anyone here to stop me.

I'm miserable. I'd rather get fifty swats with the silver-tipped belt, on each ass cheek, than go through this.

So no Kink Meme today, no serious post. Just a funny video of the Swedish Chef from the muppets. Cause as an anal slut I can tell you that sometimes, when you're about to take it up the ass, you feel like this turkey: get a little smooch, and then it's on with the skewering!

Monday, May 23, 2011

Kink Meme Day 22

"What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?"

I don't think what's important for a BDSM relationship to stay healthy is all that different from what a so-called "vanilla" relationship needs to stay healthy. You need trust, and understanding, and constant open communication. You need to feel like you have a partner who understands you, and even if s/he doesn't always understand you, s/he will respect you enough to accept what you're trying to convey. The only thing different in a BDSM relationship is that  the needs of the individuals are probably very different from what you would find within a "vanilla" relationship.

On the other hand...how the hell would I know what goes on in a vanilla relationship? I mean, what really goes on behind the scenes? Sometimes I hear things on TV or on the radio, things that I suppose other people take as face-value truth, and I think to myself, what the hell?

Like, last week I was listening to the radio and the hosts of the show were asking listeners to call in and answer a question: if it meant you would lose 30 pounds and keep it off for the rest of your life, would you agree to have sex with your partner everyday for the rest of your life?

All I could think to myself was, why wouldn't I agree to have sex with Husband everyday for the rest of my life? Why would I have to be bribed? Why is this such a big deal?
Which brought up a whole laundry list of other questions: do "vanilla" people not have sex that often? Is it a chore? Do they refuse their spouse/significant other? Do they use sex as a weapon in the relationship? Do they expect some kind of favors for sex? What the hell??

So you see, I can't really assume much about "vanilla" relationships, because I just don't know. But then again, who can really know what goes on behind closed doors of any relationship? Some BDSM relationships are a complete mystery to me, too.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Submission in Judaism

Like most people, I read a lot of different kinds of blogs that focus on varying themes. I read blogs about kink, BDSM, American culture, politics, Doctor Who...and I read blogs from Jewish bloggers, that focus on Jewish themes. Because, you guessed it, I'm Jewish.

A blog I read on occasion, A Mother in Israel, put up a post a couple days ago titled Does Judaism Require Submission within Marriage? Go check it out and read it yourself if you want. And then read the comments. And then puke a little in your mouth.

Of course, there was no way I was going to comment on her blog how mad the whole question of the post made me, how misogynistic and neanderthal some of the comments were. That is her blog, her safe space, where she can write whatever she wants. I would never intentionally try to hijack someone else's blog to start an argument. So I'm going to write some stuff here, on my blog, where I have every right to state my opinion.

I'm not even going to go into my views about my religion, how I do think it's absolutely anti-woman and sexist. That's a topic for another post. Maybe someday I'll write it.

But I want to say, today, in response to A Mother in Israel's post, is this: it is a PRIVILEGE of a man to have a woman who submits to him, NOT A RIGHT. NO religion has the power to tell a woman she is required, BY THE WORD OF GOD, to submit to her husband. I don't care how you twist around the idea of submission, try to whitewash it or glorify it or wrap it up in bows and ribbons and make it all nice and pretty, submission is about CONTROL. In this case, a husband having control over his wife.


Obviously, it might seem strange for me of all people to be "yelling" this out, at least on the surface. I submit to my husband, probably more than even most of those commentators. My hsuband and I have a total power exchange. But: it's because it's what I want, not because it's what's expected of me, and certainly not because I'm afraid of being a "bad woman" if I don't submit. MY SUBMISSION IS MY CHOICE, not something imposed upon me.

There. I feel better now.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Kink Meme, Day 21

"Favorite BDSM related book."

I don't have a favorite book. I go back to most of my books over and over again, mostly to re-read specific scenes. Sometimes it's just one or two lines of text or dialogue that may haunt me, and I highlight those passages. I know, it's ridiculous.
Some of my latest highlights, and the authors who wrote them:

"I'm going to take possession of all three of your holes today Viv." --Candace Blevins
"I need to take you fast. I need to take you hard...I won't play games and I won't let you change your mind once we've begun." --Grace Samuels
" 'I know you're uncomfortable,' he told her. 'But I think it's a good starting point for us to work through your obvious discomfort with certain aspects of your sexuality. Don't you?' " --Anne O'connell
"I don't think so, sweetheart. I'm through playing things your way. It's my turn to run the show." --Evangeline Anderson
" 'You're going to swallow,' he warned. 'I want you to take it all.' "--Rena Marks
"You have to trust me, girl. I think you don't trust me. I know I haven't had a lot of time together, but I'm being careful. Perhaps you don't see it, but I am." --Annabel Joseph

Jeez, now that I'm writing them down I realize my highlights are almost always the Dom explaining things or giving orders to the sub. I guess that was a real turn-on for me, and I didn't even know it. The things you learn about yourself when putting up a new blog post!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Kink Meme, Day 20

"Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you're curious about/don't understand."

Well, I don't always understand a lot of the jargon. Sometimes when I hit on other sites, blogs, etc., I come across acronyms that I have to look up. Here's a list of the some of the more common acronyms being used (at least, in the groups/sites/blogs I frequent):

BDSM: Bondage/Discipline/Dominance/Submission
D/s: Dominance/submission
SAM: Smart-Ass Masochist (a character in one of my upcoming stories is named Samantha, and she's this type)
SSC: Safe Sane Consensual
RACK: Risk Aware Consensual Kink
TPE or CPE: Total Power Exchange or Complete Power Exchange
TNG: The Next Generation (as in, younger people involved in kink/BDSM who, many believe, have it "easier" today)
OTK: Over The Knee
CB: Chastity Belt
CBT: Cock/Ball Torture
SH: Self Harm
EAC: Erotically Altered Consciousness
TENS: The Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation unit (used in electricity play. Don't ask me, I don't do that)
TV: Transvestite

There are others I come across less frequently, and many I'm still learning. But these are the ones I come across the most.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Speaking of fair...

...sometimes, it's just not.

I usually head to sleep at night way before Husband does. He's still downstairs watching TV or working on the computer or doing whatever it is he does long after I say goodnight. He makes sure not to wake me when he comes to bed, which I appreciate.

Last night, I was still trying to fall asleep when Husband came up to bed. Now, I take forever and a day to fall asleep. Husband, on the other hand, has no such problems: he can fall asleep instantly. So last night, while I was in a doze but starting to fall into a deep sleep, Husband came into bed, curled up on his side, and promptly started to snore right next to my ear.

I had a few choices at that point: I could have left to sleep somewhere else in the house (both of us often do this, if one of us can't sleep for one reason or another). Or I could have turned over and tried to fall asleep despite his snoring.
I followed neither of these two options. Instead, I pushed him in the shoulder so he would wake up just enough to turn over and stop snoring. He stopped snoring alright: he woke up completely.

"You woke me up," he suddenly said, making me jump in my skin.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to. You were snoring," I said.
"You woke me up," he repeated, furious.
"I'm sorry," I repeated. And I was, but I was also tired and wanted to fall asleep already and didn't understand what his big deal was.
"Damn it!" He said, turned over, punched the pillow, and fell asleep. I, of course, took another hour to fall asleep.

The next morning, I woke first and took a shower. When I got out, I started to brush my teeth. Just as I was finishing up, Husband walked in, making me realize he had planned his entrance to coincide with me leaning over the counter, naked.
"You woke me up," he said, grabbing the hair brush off the counter. I began to stand up and turn around to face him, but he pushed me back down in the small of my back, and held his hand there to keep me still.
"I didn't mean to--"
Whap! The hair brush came down hard on my naked derriere. It smarted like hell.
"Look, I'm sorry--"
"I said I'm sorry--"
"Ow it hurts--"
"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry--"
He kept going until the tears were leaking out of my eyes and I was hanging my head down in misery. When it stopped, I thought he was done, but he took me by the hand and led me back to the bedroom, where he leaned me over the bed and told me to stay still as he grabbed the paddle, perched conveniently nearby.
"It's not fair!" I cried as he began to paddle me, hard. The paddle doesn't sting as much as the brush, but it's wider and can hit a much larger swath of skin. "You were snoring! I wanted to sleep! I didn't mean to wake you up!"
"Well" --smack!--"you did"-- smack!-- "and I don't" --smack!-- "appreciate it." Smack smack smack!
He didn't stop until I was sporting a rosy-red glow across my entire butt, and sniveling like a child. "Next time you'll think twice," he said, and began to dress for the day, ignoring my pouting looks.

So maybe I was wrong to push him a little in his sleep. But maybe it was an honest mistake, one he could have forgiven a little bit faster and nicer.

But things aren't always fair and equal in a DD relationship, and one thing's for sure, I won't be pushing him in his sleep again, no matter how loud he's snoring.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Kink Meme, Day 19

"Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?"

It has helped me to blossom as a person, as a woman, and as a wife. In my DD (Domestic Discipline) relationship with Husband, I am able to give up control over things that stress me out, things that are simply beyond my handling, things that poison my mood and sets the whole family up for failure. I can focus on my own responses and my own reactions to the things going on within my influence.

The most freeing thing, to me, about being in a DD relationship is that there is no quid-pro-quo. I don't have to worry about coming out right half the time; there is no such thing as "fair." There is no keeping score. There is me giving my all to him, 100 percent of everything I can, all the time. I don't have to worry about how "equal" the relationship is, day to day; it will never be equal, so I can just not bother worrying about it. All I have to think about are the ways my submission keeps him happy and the home running smoothly.

I know it sounds contradictory, but my submission is very freeing. I thrive on it.

And now,  you want to see the new belt Husband got?

See that metal tip at the end? IT HURTS LIKE A SONOFABITCH. He had to paddle me afterwards to make it feel BETTER.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

The Pseudonym is a secret

A friend mentioned to me the other day she is trying to write a romance book. She knows that I, too, write; she knows I've tried to get published. She was wondering how things were going with my writing. She basically wanted a "status update"; but more than that, she simply wanted to know what advice I could give her that she would find useful.

I didn't tell her about my erotica series, or how I'm self-publishing right now. I didn't want her to know my pseudonym, and google Shelby Cross, and find out what kind of stuff I write.

Shelby Cross is not my real name. Right now, there are (I think. I hope) five people in the entire world who know Shelby Cross is me. This is not because I am ashamed of what I write, or afraid of what people will think. It's because I come from a very conservative background, and socialize in conservative circles, and if my kids' teachers or some of the other families from the neighborhood ever found out what I write, they would talk, and gossip, and look at me differently. And...I just don't want that. I keep my D/D relationship hidden from them, and only talk about it with other couples who I know share the lifestyle. And I certainly don't talk to the school moms about BDSM stuff. I'm lucky, I suppose, I live so close to San Francisco. Lots of other outlets, and ways to keep my "worlds" from colliding. But I can't take the chance of someone inadvertently connecting me, the real me, to Shelby Cross online or in a public forum somewhere, so even people who know what kind of relationship Husband and I have cannot know I write under a pseudonym.

Because here's the thing: if my MOM ever found out what I write, she would just die. Just have a heart attack and die. I can actually picture it in my head: she would clasp a hand to her chest, yell loudly "Mein Got!" (Which I think is yiddish for 'Oh Dear Baby Jesus') and crumple to the floor, a horrified and scandalized look on her face. And...I don't want that, either.

It makes things harder, because I can't tell my friends what I'm up to, what I'm doing, what I'm proud of. I can't ask them to be my testers, my beta readers, and I certainly can't ask them to buy and/or review my stuff. But that's the price I have to pay for anonymity. And right now, it's worth the cost.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Kink Meme Day 18

"Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?"

Well, Spanking Resource has a list I found myself totally nodding my head at, so go check out his list first.

What I would add? Stuff I've already pointed out: the prevailing idea that there is something wrong with people who like BDSM; the notion that Doms are naturally abusive, and Subs suffer from low self-image or an abusive past.

Also, the idea that if you're "into that sort of thing," you're into everything. A person who likes leather and pony play is not automatically into medical play or cosplay. A person who enjoys visiting clubs and watching scenes is not always one who likes to participate or experiment. People have their own personal limits, and they vary widely in the world of BDSM.

Also? (And this is a big one.) I hate how people think the way BDSM is portrayed in movies and on websites like Kink.com is how it is with everyone, in real life, who enjoy that level of kink in their lives. Actors are PAID to do certain things, to look and behave a certain way. It is a SHOW, complete with a soundstage and lights. It does not represent what goes on everywhere, and it should not be taken as an example of what people living the BDSM lifestyle are like all the time.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Kink Meme Day 17

First of all, Blogger was down for two days, that's why there was no post yesterday. I have no idea what the hell happened over there at Blogger offices, but I have a feeling some shit hit the fan.

But I am super busy today with writing, writing,writing, so this post is going to be short.

"What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?"

That there is something mentally wrong with us for liking the stuff we do. That men who like to spank and tie up women are necessarily abusers and misogynists; that women who like to be spanked and tied up were abused in their pasts, or grew up with a nasty father or a "funny uncle." That we all need psychological help because of what attracts us and what we enjoy.

Look, I suppose there are people in the BDSM community who do need psychological help, just like there are people all over the spectrum of general society who could benefit from some sort of therapy. But we are not sick in the head because we enjoy BDSM. We all have our likes and dislikes, and some of us are considered more extreme in our needs. But that's okay. We can still all get along, can't we?

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Kink Meme Day 16

"What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?"

First of all, I don't like the way this question is worded. I don't "have a sexuality." I am sexual, just like every other person on this planet. But that's just my snarkiness coming through.

I think the hardest thing for me is dealing with the general idea society feeds people, especially women like me, that if you enjoy being a Sub or or being in a Domestic Discipline relationship, you're somehow anti-feminist. Nothing could be further from the truth for me. I think I'm a very strong and vocal feminist. I believe in women making their own choices, and being granted the same choices men take for granted.

If a woman chooses to be a Dom inside the bedroom or out, that is her right. And if she chooses to be a Sub, that is her right, too. Being submissive does not mean a woman is asking to be abused, or discriminated against, or exploited in any way. In fact, in some aspects BDSM empowers women, because it acknowledges that women have inherent rights they can choose to give up, choose to hand to someone else, at least for a time. Whereas misogynists, chauvinists, and sexists think women don't have any rights in the first place, and no choice in the matter.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Kink Meme Day 15

"Post a BDSM/kink activity you're curious about and would like to try."

I've always wanted to try suspension. But it's kind of hard in a house with lots of kids and no room, at least no room for that kind of equipment that is large and cumbersome and obviously cannot be disguised as something else.

Like this one:
Notice, won't you, that the woman is being suspended in a kitchen? A KITCHEN? I don't know about you, but this is NOT what I have going on in my kitchen. Now I guess I could theoretically try to put this up in the bedroom, but...I can't just leave it for the kids to see, can I? So how easy IS it to put it up and take it down? Is it welded up there? Is it something the next owners of the house are going to see and think, "Dear Baby Jesus, what did these people have going on in here?"

You could go this way:
But again, very large and cumbersome looking; not something you can fold up and stick under the bed. Also, she's holding herself up there, isn't she? So once she let's go, doesn't she just fall down? And the legs don't look so comfortable, either. And how is someone supposed to whip your ass like that? Work from underneath? I get the impression someone didn't really think through the logistics of this one.

So my longing to try suspension will stay a longing, at least for now, until we find a safe, cheap, and non-obvious way to try it at home. I have a feeling a trip to Home Depot is coming up shortly.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Kink Meme, Day 14

"How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink?"

Well, I think most people fantasize about stuff they were never do in real life, and I do that, too. And I think fantasy BDSM always goes smoother--and probably kinkier--than real life BDSM.

In fantasy BDSM, the people are always hot and bothered and expert at doing exactly what needs to be done to drive the other person crazy with need. The rope always twists the way it's supposed to, the knots always hold, and the lube never spills.

In real life, of course, scenes usually don't go so perfectly. The leather hits the wrong bit of skin. A limb twists the wrong way, and needs a second to recover. A knot gives, leading to a suddenly flailing arm or leg. The sheets get messy. The furniture creaks. Things don't feel the way you expected, things don't work the way you wanted...laughter ensues, when you weren't planning on things getting funny at all.

But that's what happens in real life. If you're lucky, you have someone to share your fantasies with, to indulge them and play them out with you. And sometimes your fantasies don't play out the way you imagined them. Sometimes real life is even better.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Putting Images into Words

All of the images here are from the online site Bondage 247. Everything you see here is for sale! (And no, I'm not getting paid or anything like that for using their images. In fact, I asked permission. I just really get a kick out of their site.)

Some of the times I have to be careful in my writing, give more meticulous thought to my words, are when I'm describing tools and furniture people are using in a BDSM scene. I don't want to over-describe; I want people to be able to have their own personal image in their heads of what I'm talking about. But at the same time, they need to have at least a general idea of what the tool or furniture piece looks like, so they're not completely confused when I say a leg went here or an arm twisted there.

Sometimes this is relatively easy. Take, for example, this piece:

It's pretty simple to describe. It's a chair with a huge rubber dildo strapped onto the seat. Now, I might want to embellish the image a little, describe the chair as padded, or wide with armrests, or maybe change the look and size of the dildo. But the general idea is the same: dildo strapped to seat of chair. It's pretty obvious where the scene is going if I'm describing something like this.

Tools are often like that. If my Dom is using a crop

Well, a crop is a crop. In fact, I would have to add more description if I want to alter the image somehow, because this is the default picture most people will have in their heads if I say 'crop,' I think.

But some images are harder. Take, for example, this:
This, on the website, is called a "Vipers Tongue Tawse Whip." Now I don't know about you, but when I see this, I only see a tawse, not a whip. When I say "whip," I'm talking about long pliable coiled leather, not this. So I might describe this as a split tawse, or a double-tongued tawse, and leave out the word whip altogether. But then what if you don't know what a tawse is? How much do I need to assume my readers know? In this case, I might assume they have some kind of general idea of what a tawse is, and if they don't, they can look it up.

And then I come across a hurdle like this.
This is a flogging bench. When you see it, it's pretty obvious how it's designed to be used. But do you know how many flogging benches are out there? How many styles and configurations? Too many.
So if I say "flogging bench," there is no way I can assume the reader is going to picture this flogging bench unless I describe it further.
But how? It's padded...it's long...it's about table high...except for the leg platform, um, thingies? Where you can rest your knees? Legs? They are slightly lower than the, um, higher part? Where you put your torso? But they are also padded, and the whole thing has straps for your body except for your hands or arms, that would have to be added later, oh and your ankles too, but it actually looks really comfortable and would give your partner easy access to your presenting parts unless you're on your back in which case I guess it would be much more uncomfortable to have your feet hanging down....

You get the idea.
So these are some of the issues I deal with, writing BDSM erotica. It's actually not a bad problem to have. I get to research BDSM gear all the time. And find little treasures like these. And drool.
And again, all the images taken here are from the Bondage247 website. They are based in the UK, and seem to have stuff I've never seen offered in American sites, like JT's Stockroom.
They're on Twitter, too. I love linky-love.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Kink Meme, Day 13

"Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you're drawn to?"

I got a good laugh out of this question, because at first I misunderstood it. I thought, 'they're asking me why I'm drawn to kink? Who doesn't get a kick out of kink? Honestly, people have differing senses of propriety and levels of what they can handle, but everyone is drawn to some level of kink, no?'

But then I realized the question was really asking me, what is the appeal to what I am drawn to. And as I've stated before, I'm drawn to strong D/S relationships, women being 'put in their place' with the proper punishments. I'm into having fun and trying new things, provided that the power exchange is still obvious.

So then I started thinking about what I'm NOT into, what my 'hard lines' in kink-play are: needle play, bio-hazard, electricity, etc.
And I realized, I am not into anything that I would perceive as an abuse of the power. Like, for me and Husband, I offer up my control to him, I submit to him and give him my all, but I expect him to treat that offering as a gift, and use the power exchange for the good of us both. If I ever thought he was treating me with destain, or taking advantage of his power to do things he knows would hurt me emotionally and psychologically, I would resent it and quickly resent him.

I'm not talking about physical pain. I can take a lot of pain, and most of the time, I love it. And when I don't, well, it's usually because it's a punishment, and a punishment is supposed to hurt. I enjoy reading about power exchanges, books with BDSM where the D/S comes through clearly. So I guess I'm drawn to men taking control, assuming power.

But anything that crosses the line from use-of-power to abuse-of-power is, in my head, an immediate turn-off.

Friday, May 6, 2011

One of Those Days When the Fear Wins

Everyone who's ever tried their hand at some creative writing knows the fear I'm talking about. Is this any good? Is this complete shit? Will I even be able to tell the difference when I read it myself? Will people like it? Will anyone like it? Will it be what people expect? Is it any good?

All writers go through this. I know it, I've heard it, I've been told it over and over over again. And I know the answer you're supposed to give yourself: don't let the fear stop you from writing. Write anyway. Write because it makes you happy, because it sets you free, write because you know you want to. Write because you have to, or you'll be miserable, and you know it. Write through the fear.

But sometimes I can't. Sometimes the fear wins. And today was one of those days.
And right now, I'm pretty fuckin' miserable.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Kink Meme, Day 12

"Tell us about a humourous BDSM/kink experience you've had. If you haven't had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny."

The funniest thing that comes to mind is the first time Husband and I tried figging, although it didn't feel so funny at the time. This was years ago, keep in mind; back when I was younger and brasher and a lot more, oh, let's go with the word ignorant. Because that sounds forgivable.

I'd read about figging somewhere on the internet. It was from girl was giving first-hand experience on the subject, but it was something short, a mention really, about how she'd "had it done" to her.

So here's the thing: this girl didn't mention anything about pain. She said the ginger made her feel "tingly" (I remember her using that word specifically), and made her "feel like" she wanted to be fucked in the ass. She talked about how her boyfriend had carved the root down, but not whether the'd used lube on it (you're not supposed to--if they did, that would explain a lot about the no-pain thing) and how long they left it inside her (again, it could have been all of two seconds, which would have explained a lot).
But in my ignorance, I thought to myself, 'hey! Something new to try! And it goes in the ass! And it will feel "tingly"!

So I sent Husband to the supermarket to get the ginger. He comes back and holds it up to me, looking skeptical.
"Are you sure you want this in your ass, hon?" He asks.
"Not like that. It's supposed to be shaved down," I say like I'm some kind of expert, giving him instructions. He complies, always willing to go along with my kinky ideas and try something new. Meanwhile, I go upstairs and wait for him in the bedroom, eager and excited, clearly unaware how I've just masterminded my own form and deliverance of torture.

He comes back into the bedroom with the root, and is greeted by the view of my presenting ass.
"Am I supposed to lube it?" He asks, looking quizzical.
"I don't know. I don't think so," I answer. "It looks slippery enough."
So he dutifully starts to bury the ginger root into my poor, ignorant butthole. It only takes about ten seconds for the juice to start taking effect.
"Ah," I say, surprise making my voice rather high-pitched.
"You okay? Am I going too fast?"
"It, uh, feels tingly, alright," I say, suddenly afraid that this might not go as expected. But Husband, taking my answer to mean that it feels great, keeps pushing, screwing it in as he goes deeper.
"Oh, my...oh, wait...oh...oh Jesus...."
"You like it?" He asks huskily, again, completely misunderstanding my reaction. He presses in further, twisting it in and out.
"It...it burns...."
"It burns! It's burning! Jesus it's burning!"
"But you said it's supposed to feel good--"
"I KNOW but it BURNS oh JESUS can you please take it OUT--"
"Maybe I just put it in too deep? I'll pull it out a little--"
He pulled it out fast, and I ran to the bathroom, holding my stinging butt with both hands like my sphincter was about to run away in retreat. I turned on the shower and didn't even wait for the water to warm up the slightest bit before getting in, grabbing the shower head, and holding it right against my aching hole.
After a minute, Husband came in and watched with great interest as I stood in the shower, holding the spraying water straight against my ass, hopping from leg to leg and hollering curses. He had a good laugh, let me tell you.
And he took note.
That wasn't to be the last time I would ever feel the surprisingly powerful effect of a ginger root. Now, whenever he wants to threaten me with a particularly bad punishment, all he has to do is place an all-too-innocent looking ginger root inside the refrigerator vegetable drawer, and I'm the most submissive Sub you've ever seen.

ALSO! Funny video. This cracks me up.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Picture Time!

Meme will have to wait another day or two. I'm still sick. Fever's down, but I'm coughing up stuff that is simply not pretty. I'll have mercy on you and spare you the details. (Unlike this guy, who is a very funny and awesome blogger but spares nothing when it comes to his orifices, and what is leaking out of them. Ew.)
So I'm going to leave you with a bunch of pictures instead.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Not a Real Post

No real post today, since I'm sick with a fever of 102 (How do I get that little circle in the right corner to signify degrees?) and I'm supposed to stay in bed. My husband left to pick up the kids, and if he saw me out of bed and at the computer, he would get angry. As in, "when you feel better, you'll be punished for this" angry. So this will be fast.

First thing: Amazon fixed the cover problem. It's up. You should go check it out. And then buy it. Please? I mean, where else can you find a whole book full of hot 'n heavy BDSM, with only the barest of plot getting in the way? You know you always skip the plot stuff in books to get to the sex anyway. Now you don't have to!

Second thing: Second story for next Hotel Bentmoore series is coming along nicely, although I wish I had more time to write. But I guess that's the complaint of any writer.

Shit, husband just called, I forgot when I sent him to pick them up that the kids get out late today. Guess I'll be getting that punishment no matter what.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Kink Meme, Day 11

"What are your views on the ethics of kink?"

I think kink, in general, should be seen as a healthy addition to any relationship, as long as it is within RACK philosophy.
RACK, in case you don't know, stands for "Risk Accepted Consensual Kink." It's a bit different from SSC, which stands for "Safe, Sane, and Consensual." A lot of people who hold by SSC tend more to think that every alternative form of sex that isn't safe, or doesn't seem to be "sane," is a form of coercion and/or abuse. People who hold by RACK are more inclined to acknowledge that there are many forms of kink that are risky to one extent or another, but as long as that risk is accepted by all consenting adults, it's okay.

Does this mean I'm free of judgements? Hell no. I'm a human being, of course I judge. I think the idea of a person shitting or peeing on another person is disgusting. I think forcing-feeding people foul, non-edible items is also disgusting. I think needle play scares the crap out of me; the very idea makes me nauseated. But I'm not going to tell anyone who's into these things that they're sick, or insane, or anything like that.

My being bothered does not have to become their problem. I wouldn't want someone giving me a hard time because of my kink (except my husband; he gives me a hard time, and loves it, too). I'm not going to give anyone else a hard time. I can judge without imposing my judgement onto others, and I expect them to do the same.

Sunday, May 1, 2011


Tales from the Hotel Bentmoore: The Complete Series is now available on Amazon and B&N!! 

For some reason, the cover is not loading on Amazon. And you know what? I'm beginning to resent the way Amazon works.

Amazon uses Kindle Direct Publishing, or KDP, to let authors put their work for sale on Amazon. When an author uploads a piece of writing (novel, novella, short story, whatever) onto KDP, you have to take some time filling out information, clicking boxes, reading the information, etc etc. The final thing you have to do is to check the box that says you agree to their terms of service, and then you hit "publish."

Once you hit "publish," a message pops up to let you know that it will take 24-72 hours for your book to go "live." Then you can access it on your "bookshelf," the place where you can access all your titles to see how they're doing in sales, and make changes if need be. Until it goes "live" on your bookshelf, you can see the title of the book listed among all your other titles, but...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE ANY CHANGES TO THE BOOK.

Here is why this is a problem. It does not take 24-72 hours for your book to become available for sale on Amazon. I uploaded Tales from the Hotel Bentmoore: The Complete Series yesterday morning, and by the afternoon, it was showing up on their website. But I couldn't access the work; I couldn't make any modifications to any of the information, the description, nothing. On my bookshelf, it still says "under review."

In this case, for some reason, my cover failed to upload. I don't know why. It showed up in the cover-box when I was going through the KDP process, but it's not showing up on their website. I would like to try to upload it again. BUT I CAN'T. So when people go to Amazon and see my titles, this one will not have a cover.

And a cover is important. It's what makes a lot of people take a better look. It's a first impression. If I don't have a cover, I end up looking...not so good. My work ends up looking shoddy.

Maybe, by tomorrow, or the next day, the book will go "live" on my bookshelf, and I'll be able to try again. But I don't see why I should have to wait. This was supposed to be the "release" of my book, and Amazon is just making it all that more frustrating.

Dear Amazon: if the book is for sale, that means it IS "live," and I should be able to have access to it to make changes if necessary.